A/N: Hey guys! So this is the new and improved first chapter of The Blues Are Still Blue.
The next chapter should be ASAP, I'm having difficulties writing from Ron's POV but with such great reviews I've been receiving I have an incentive to keep writing (and God help me, stop hitting the delete button). Thanks for the support!
And huge Hola for Albe-Chan and Belovedranger, the girls that helped with this story.
"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope"
Blue For Her Dreams
One blue strip, negative. Two blue strips, positive.
Hermione's hopes and dreams were depending on strips. Ironically, she had always thought of herself as a dot kind of gal.
Sniffing, she waited. There wasn't much she could do except that.
Even tough she, Hermione Granger-Weasley, never was any good at the whole sitting, waiting and wishing part.
And once again, she questioned her method. Why opt for a Muggle device to figure out what Ron called her "tummy status"?
She should have seen a Healer. It was faster and less excruciating.
But her mom had taught her there was no like the one she would feel when she looked at two blue strips symbolizing that a new life was within her.
So she waited.
This was the fifteenth pregnancy test she had taken in two years. She was sick of it, and of wishing and hoping it had finally happened. She was sick of expecting to expect.
Life wasn't fair.
She married her Ron five years after the end of the war. After so many losses.
"After Tonks, and Lupin and Fred," she thought, her heart skipping a beat.
But they healed together and grew more impossibly in love.
Then she got pregnant, four months after their wedding. After first hearing the news, she cried herself to sleep. Ron was away on his first Auror training.
Hermione had told herself they couldn't handle a baby - not right now. They were just discovering each other, just getting used to the fact that they were bonded for life. Just discovering the pleasures of this togetherness, without curfews or being walked in on. It just wasn't the right time.
When she woke up, she felt guilty. It was their child, after all. And they had talked about expanding their family after their first anniversary. It was sooner than they had envisioned, but when she pictured a little baby with wild auburn hair and brown eyes, she felt her heart melt. This was theirbaby. This was Ron'sbaby. It was a blessing in disguise and she would love it with all her heart, as she did with all things related to the man to whom she gave herself completely.
So her life was perfect for two whole months after the Healer had told her she was going to be a mother. Regardless, she threw up every morning and a little bit in the evenings. She could be yelling at Ron for not lowering the toilet seat and then bawling her eyes out in the next minute. She felt tired, sick and hungry for the better part of those months.
But she felt great. She felt powerful. In six months, she would get to hold a little bun and call it her own flesh and blood. She would get to give Ron the greatest gift she could, even though he jokingly told her he would settle for sex in the rain instead.
She would carry it around with her forever. The shooting pain, the confusion. The blood – oh god, so much blood. The pungent smell that invaded her nostrils as Ron carried her through the crowded lobby of St. Mungo's.
The way her heart broke when she woke up and saw the look in Ron's teary eyes as he told her that she miscarried.
The feeling of having her own dreams robbed from her and discarded away. The shame and the guilt. The feeling of failure. Her own body had sabotaged her.
But they recovered. They always did. It took them a little bit of time and effort, but she pulled through. There were some bad days and once she insisted that Ron should divorce her and marry another witch. But he got furious and called her "mental". He told her she was perfect, and someday, they would have a dozen redheaded, always starved bookworms as children.
And she truly wanted to believe him.
So they started to try. And nothing happened. Two years and fifteen pregnancies test later, she was abashed. How [come you suggested could, but I tough come might be a little better she, Hermione Granger Weasley, fail at this? Getting pregnant wasn't supposed to be this hard. And she had achieved success in all the important things she did and had dreamed for herself, ever since she was a little girl...
She had great friends and had gotten top grades while attending school. She helped the world when she joined Ron and Harry on the Horcrux Hunt. She fell in love and married the only man she ever wanted.
Then why she couldn't conceive their child?
The doctor told her there was nothing wrong with them. Nothing wrong with her. But Hermione felt, deep inside, there had to be something
And she felt that it had to do with the way that that evil twisted bitch – she couldn't even think of her without feeling the urge to hex something – Bellatrix Lestrange had tortured her in the Malfoy Manor.
Hermione wanted to kick and scream at the unfairness of all of this. She wanted to bring that little conniving bitch back to life just to kill her again and spit on her lifeless body.
She had been denied, over and over again, the pleasures and pains of motherhood.
But she would be damned if she stopped trying.
Time ran out as she pondered, and it was time to look at the test result. It was time to know if she were to become a mom like Fleur or Ginny.
If she ever would feel a baby kicking her stomach with all the force it could muster. The pleasure of smelling the sweet undefined smell of her baby's hair.
The grief of watching her baby grow up and face the world, leaving their house emptier and somehow, smaller.
She knew she was a fearless woman, even though she didn't exactly feel this way right now. Hermione got up and took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth.
Would her dream come true? Would she get her chance to carry a child?
Wouldtheir dreams come true? Would they get a chance to see their children grow up and embark on adventures on their own?
And if it wasn't the time, would they stop trying?
She knew she couldn't. She knew they wouldn't.
"I have to find out."
She was certain she would be okay. She had Ron to look after her. Their bond was so strong and powerful that she knew they could handle whatever life tossed in their direction.
And there it was.
One blue strip.
So simple, so painful.
A/N:So here it is! This is the first installment of the 3-shot story "The Blues Are Still Blue". The next one will be from Ron's POV and should be up as soon as possible. A few reviews might speed up the whole process, tough.
I hope you guys enjoyed. Please let me know what you tough.