The Grinch That Stole Valentine's

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Death Note. Nor do I own Cupid, but for that, I am glad.

So, yet another Dooms Day. Quick, run and hide while you still have the chance! Maybe you can escape the fluffy, pink, lovey dovey things! By writing this chapter, it's obviously too late for me! But, don't worry. This story is all about the thing I suspect we all want most... DEATH TO VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!

Mello was walking down the hallway, excited for the day. Just as the year previous, he loved Valentine's Day. It meant getting chocolate! He hummed quietly to himself until he rounded the corner.

There sat Near, putting together yet another puzzle, with a girl talking to him. But, that wasn't what made him stop. The thing that made him stop was what she was giving him. A heart shaped box of chocolate!


The door to their room burst open, and in walked a fuming Mello. 'Matt, we have to kill Valentine's Day.'

Matt reached under his bed and pulled out a black video game gun with a very gruesome picture of Cupid being stabbed by his own arrow, right through his eye. 'I'm ready.'

Mello laid out a large sheet of paper on the bed with drawings and details on it. 'So, here's the plan.'

About an hour later, they were finished talking about The Plan. Now it was time to put the plan into action. Mello opened the door from their room and stepped outside. Unfortunately, there was a man on a ladder outside, painting the walls. The door opening surprised the man, and a can of green paint fell on Mello's head. Matt laughed, seeing a completely green Mello.

Determined to accomplish The Plan, Mello refused to take the time to have a shower until after Valentine's Day was truly ruined.

The first part of The Plan started. This consisted of kidnapping all of the chocolate. Matt had pointed out that they were just stealing it, not kidnapping it, but Mello started ranting about how chocolate was from the Gods and therefore should be treated as such. From then on, Matt referred to chocolate as he would a human.

There was quite a lot of chocolate that they had to kidnap. Matt suspected that Mello had alternate motives for kidnapping the chocolate, but he didn't say anything for fear of another long rant.

They started taking chocolate from the little kids. 'Hehehe, like taking candy from a baby.' Mello laughed manically. Matt didn't point out that that was exactly what they were doing. A couple of the kids called Mello the Grinch, because of the green paint and the evilness.

Phase two of part one commenced. Kidnapping from the bigger kids.


A mob of people walked up to Near, who was putting together another puzzle. He didn't notice them until one of them spoke up. 'Near, you have to stop Mello! He's ruining Valentine's!'

Near didn't look up from his puzzle. 'Why should I?'

'Because you're the only one that can beat him!' one of the boys in the back answered. 'Also, I have this Cupid outfit that only you can fit into.'

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. 'Why do you have a Cupid outfit?'

He shivered. 'You don't want to know.'


Mello was carrying a large red sack, with all of the chocolate in it. He was about to take someone else's chocolate, but then he felt a pain in his butt. 'Owww! What was that?!'

Matt pulled out an arrow from Mello's behind. 'What sick freak would do this?'

It was when Matt spoke that Mello looked at him. Right then, he realized just how much he loved his best friend. Matt, however, didn't notice this; he was looking for whoever shot Mello. Right behind them sat Near, in a full Cupid outfit, holding a bow and arrow. 'There, I did my duty.'

Meanwhile, Mello was falling in love. 'Matt! Marry me!!!' Matt had often heard girls at the school using the word GLOMP, and thought that would express perfectly the action that Mello did. Throwing himself at his best friend, Mello put him in a vice-like grip and tried to kiss him.

'Gah! Get away!' Matt pulled out his Cupid-Killing-Gun and shot his friend with an aim so accurate, Mello would have surely been dead if he were a video game. But, the imaginary ammo worked in reversing the love arrow.

Mello pulled away immediately. 'Did that idiot shoot me with a love arrow?!' Matt nodded. 'I'm gonna kill him!!'

But, Near had long ago gotten bored of pretending to be Cupid and went to the other room to finish his puzzle. Mello was enraged for a second, until he fully realized what this meant. He turned back to the other students, with a truly evil smile. 'You won't be seeing Valentine's for a while.' He grabbed chocolate and cards with glee, 'And you won't be getting these back for free.'

The children were scared of the green Mello, as he took someone's red jello. If only Near hadn't been so bored, Mello wouldn't have gotten his hoard. In some places, love was in the air, but here Mello didn't care.

Matt, with his video game gun, thought that Valentine's this year was really quite fun. With his best friend as the Grinch, he was not unhappy, not even an inch. Valentine's was dead, yes, this was true. And that would stick, just like glue.

So, I hope you all liked that! Man, making everything rhyme at the end was really hard!