A/N: I just want this story over with.

Therefore, this is everyone else's speeches. I have other stories I need to get to…

Holy crap, I just took a look at my list. There's going to be five speeches in here. There were originally going to be seven, but I have no interest in the EX World Tag Team Champions, nor do I feel like talking about Big Daddy V without his shirt unless I am channeling the spirit of Edge. I hope you understand.

And I apologize…there's another Santino Marella one.

Best Newcomer: Santino Marella

Of-a course I am a-named the best newcomer in the WWE. Who else-a made such an impact in their a-debut? Was there even any-a new a-peoples this year? I don't a-know. Besides Cody Highway and all those a-stupid Maria imposters on the Smack-a-Up, I cannot a-think of any.

That's too-a bad.

Nobody else could beat Upanda, the Samoan Bull Rider on their debut. I did not need that a-help from the Bobby Hashbrown. But that is a-funny because know he is a-gone. I guess he could not a-handle Santino Marella. And a-now, I am a-finished.

Do not a-miss me too a-much.

Worst Haircut: Mr. McMahon at Wrestlemania 23

Mr. McMahon struts up to the podium with his power walk.

Who the hell nominated me for this award? This is atrocious.

Worse than nominating me, who decided that I won this blasted award?

Whoever did is…is…FIRED!

Mr. McMahon struts off the stage in a heated manner, nearly taking out a member of the stage crew with his intense arm swings.

Best elocution: William Regal

Oh, what an honor this is. I know that you American's cannot speak as properly as the non-citizens of this blasted nation.

From somewhere in the arena, Edge screams "Hell yeah!"

Thank you, Hedge. I am surprised that Triple Haitch did not acquire this award for all of his cheap promos that he likes to cut. This makes me feel a lot better about my language skills.

And since I won this award, I hope that no one will attempt to correct me when I say You-main-ga, because clearly, I can say it better than you can in the first place.

Best announcer: John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL rolls up in his white limousine. His chauffer opens the door as balloons fall from the sky. When he exits his white vehicle, he opens his arm while accepting the applause from the crowd…but there is none. Cheers, that is.

You fools! Obviously, I should have won best elocution if I'm the damn best announcer.

People love to hear me talk!

Edge throws a hockey puck but it misses JBL's face.

Ha, Edge! You fool. And to think, I supported you while Michael Cole did not!

I don't have to take this abuse.

And to think, I'll never announce again now that I've come back to the ring to take out your little hero, Chris Jericho. It's a good thing you assholes gave me this award when you did.

Biggest Jerk: Randy Orton

Randy walks up to the podium. Once he gets up there, he jumps up on the podium and poses. A random guy in the front row yells, "Why don't you do that anymore?" Randy promptly jumps off of the podium to talk.

You know, you all suck.

I'm glad that I won the biggest jerk award. In fact, I'm such a jerk that I won't even give you a speech about it.

Randy hops off the stage and grabs the guy that yelled at him from the front row. Randy RKO's him. No one comes to his aide. Randy lays down on his stomach and supports himself by his fists, stalking his newest victim. When the guy is on all fours, Randy gets up and punts his head.

Am I a jerk now?

A/N: That's it. The end.