A/N: Lyrics are from "Forsaken" by Skillet.
Why do I have to beg?
When all that's left
Is a memory, forsaken?
John stared glumly out the window of Monica's apartment, wishing for the tenth time in as many minutes that he could just tell her what he had come by to confess. It was a conversation that had been a long time coming and he wanted nothing more than to get it over with.
If he could only get over the awkwardness plaguing him, he and Monica could maybe take their relationship to the next level. That was, assuming she wanted to.
All he had to do was open his mouth and let the words he had practiced over and over again in his mind form on his lips. He just had to breathe life into the unspoken and explain himself. It was simple, really.
Maybe its simplicity was what made it so hard. The very act of explaining everything to her could push her further away than she already was. It could widen the distance between them. It was a fragile issue that he'd have to go about carefully, delicately.
Maybe he was just afraid that to voice his thoughts would break him. He rarely opened up to people and it took a lot for anyone to gain his trust. So far, he had been hurt more times than not. If he let Monica in and she rejected him…he didn't even want to consider the pain it would cause him.
He tore his gaze from the scene playing out outside the window and chanced a look at her. Seated across the table from him, she was pouring over a new case – a rather involved X file he'd read up on earlier that day. Sunshine glinted off her chocolate brown hair and lit up her eyes.
She glanced up at him after a moment, as if sensing his eyes on her.
"John?" she murmured softly.
He continued to watch her and mentally prepared himself to put into words all that was unsaid between them. When he was finally ready, he opened his mouth to speak…and Monica placed a finger across his lips, silencing him.
"It's okay," she told him perceptively, looking into his eyes.
John reached a hand up to clasp hers and nodded reluctantly, allowing his long overdue confession to fade into nothing once more. "Okay," he replied with a half nod.
His gaze swept over her face and for a second he thought he saw the same desire he felt for her sharp in her eyes. Almost immediately after, he wondered if he had just imagined it. Either way, the moment for truths unsaid had passed by them once again.
Their relationship was a fragile one and until they could find the right balance, they were stuck playing this waiting game.