Oneshot, humour, not to be taken seriously. Mind you, the whole Harry potter world isn't meant to be taken seriously, but you get the odd nutjob who believes its real…
Couldn't get this off my head, sorry if I wrote it badly, but I just had to, yeh no?
Lord Voldemort and the Mental Stability Test
Lord Voldemort, most powerful (in his opinion) wizard of all time, 5 time winner of the ugliest wizard of the century award, master Legilimens, and leader of the Death Eaters, waltzed into the Ministry of Magic.
He walked right up to the front desk, put on his most intimidating glare, and politely inquired "Um… excuse me, where do I take the mental stability test that gives me a legal right to use any unforgivable?"
The desk clerk looked up, and drew a sharp intake of breath. Its not everyday Lord Voldemort, most feared wizard of the century, thought dead for 14 years, walks up to your desk.
Composing herself, the woman quickly smoothed her robes and replied "Floor 7, go straight down, and take a right. Don't stop till you see the "Unforgivable test" sign. You cant miss it, its bright luminous green and about 10 foot tall."
"Thank you." Lord Voldemort replied, and with a swish of his cloak, he moved towards the elevator.
"No problem, Mr you know who…" The desk clerk squeaked.
Voldemort left the elevator, and began walking in the said direction. After several minutes of wandering around (he went left, the buffoon) Voldemort finally reached the room. Inside, there was a small, fat bald man, in a tailored suit, and 13 or so people lining up for the test. Voldemort got into queue and waited to be told to sit.
Finally, the fat man finished going through the papers on his desk.
"Sit!" He called, and everyone took a seat. Everyone seemed to avoid the seats directly surrounding Voldemort, which left him feeling hurt and confused.
"You may begin!" the fat man called.
Voldemort flicked over the quiz paper, and began scanning through the answers.
#1. Would you EVER use any Unforgivable on an innocent, unarmed person?
Voldemort scribbled a small 'yes' and continued on.
The second question was easy.
#2. Would you ever willingly worship the Dark Lord, and join his ranks?
Voldemort quickly wrote "I am the Dark Lord. If I could, not only would I join my ranks, but I would clone myself 15 times so I could have an orgy. With myself."
Voldemort grinned at his paper. He was going to pass, he knew it.
Numbers 3,4, and 5 were all about your knowledge of the 3 unforgivable, which Voldemort answered with ease and (Rather unneeded/wanted) detail.
#.6 If you saw Harry Potter in the high street, how would you greet him?
"I would send 20 Avada Kedavras in his direction, while at the same time summoning my Death Eater army. I would then torture and kill him in a duel, for my personal entertainment. My Death Eaters would laugh and applaud at all the right moments, and it would be a great show" Voldemort grinned, picturing himself once and for all rid of Potter. Well, the actual image was him at a party, surrounded by Hot girls who all wanted him. But he grinned, nonetheless.
#7. Do you wish to marry a member of the same sex?
Voldemort had to think on this one. He liked girls, but the idea of him and Snape in wedding dresses was rather appealing. Imagine the honeymoon!
Grinning madly again, Voldemort wrote yes.
#8. If yes, who.
"Severus Snape." Voldemort wrote with no concern, and continued on.
#9. When was the last time you got laid?
Voldemort looked sharply up. He wasn't seriously supposed to answer this, right?
"Excuse me." He called out. The fat man responded.
"Yes, is there a problem?"
"Well, the questions on this Paper are rather Personal. I would prefer not to answer number 9."
"Well, I'm afraid you have to. Its required. You can leave, if you wish."
"No, no, ill stay." I need this certificate! He thought.
He hesitantly wrote "Virgin, aged over 70."
The last question really pissed him off.
#10. What is your real, full birth name. You cannot write Anagrams, Abbreviations, nicknames Etc.
Fuming, Voldemort quickly scribbled down his name.
"Tom Marvolo Honey buns Riddle" Cursing his stupid mother for giving him such a foolish name, he quickly moved up to the front desk and handed over his paper.
Without glancing at it, the clerk stamped a big red "PASS" on it
Voldemort left the room, grinning like a maniac. Well, he IS a maniac, but that's not my point. He could finaly use his most loved spells legally!
Then review fool!
C'mon, it wont take you much more than a minute, and itl make my day… (Which has been pretty crappy so far) :P