Second Chance, But Not For Love
Summary: She cannot forget, even free and new.
life and love have torn apart your heart, where do the shattered
"Of course. Yes. I know." She'd answered every question the lawyer had for her and regretfully he was so persistent.
She smiled down at her new lover, her grip tightening on the cell phone.
Hey eyes flowed languidly up and down his lightly bronze body.
Her lip curled when she though of her last lover, what a fool she had been to marry him.
Love. She really had conned herself into believing the word.
Her gaze shifted anxiously as she willed herself not to think of the one before him.
And then there was her marriage...
Her poor Alexei...god, he had always looked so good!
No, she wouldn't think that about that either.
He'd been so kind to her, that half-French and half-American youth.
It was a shame she had taken everything he was worth.
Poor boy. She thought laughing to herself.
"And that is just what we agreed upon." She announced cutting the lawyer short, Mr. soul-sucking-mother...she bit her lip stifling a moan as he new lover's soft artist's hands slipped up one fine thigh and disappeared under her long skirt.
"Can't it wait?" He pouted, his lower lip puffing out irresistibly and his green eye's sparkled.
"Listen, why don't we finish this tiny issue in the morning, Mr..." Her voiced turned to stone ending the conversation before he could finish saying his name she hung up.
"Thank god! I was wondering when he'd be through telling you your rights." He trailed off pulling her down next to him on the bed.
Giggling she fell next to him dropping the cell phone on her bag next to the bed.
"Your so cruel...making me wait so long like this." He smiled as he pulled her on top of him.
This time when she looking into his eyes and saw no depth, she didn't laugh at the pent up passion in them now.
She just kissed him.
Closing her eyes she was reminded in the dark corner of her memory of the one that failed her even now, she remembered her first kiss.
Everything else was...nothing. An empty space that should be filled with love…
But that was a long time ago, so much like a fairy tale that was so far in the past that remembering it would be no use.
One couldn't change it.
His breath hitched in his throat as he repeated her name again and again.
He moved inside her and without volition she writhed beneath him.
When the ebb and flow of passion had faded, she sat next to the window while her new lover slept.
Light from the city fifteen stories below blinded her and any hopes she might have had in seeing the stars.
"Do you see them Inuyasha?"
She looks back at her new love, and the blankness of the walls just waiting to be filled in.
An empty space to start anew.
Though, as she thought about it, it wasn't empty. It was full of other lovers, other times, and other places.
Her old self...then her second chance at life and a new place, no longer a living shell of her former self.
She wondered then about the raven-haired girl who admittedly resembled her. The girl with magnificent blue eyes…a pure and giving heart.
For how long had she attempted to be that girl? How to even come close to her former Shinto shrine-priestess days?
It was simple and she couldn't accomplish it. She was faulted. She had known darkness and thrived weakly against the death of hope.
Her dark eyes blinked, flashing through the pages of the past.
The shrine she had prayed to, hiding the lie, the lie that she wanted a normal life, to experience love and not have to give everything to Shinto.
All the conquered demons, the day she had pinned him and stayed her hand, allowed the bitter soul freedom to come again.
Giving all her time to the villagers who would smile, but shun her in their own way.
Supposed betrayal, the pinned Inuyasha asking why and grasping after air for the jewel.
The awful swelling nothing called death. Begging Keade to burn the sacred power with her, so none would suffer the agony of this.
Then the same swelling darkness that surrounded her as she came back into a lifeless existence, the horror of no emotion. Days rolling over each other and Mount Hakurei.
A second death by Naraku, the true betrayer's hands, the jealous heart of Onigumo still hidden.
The jewel burning bright in the darkness and flying toward her as Inuyasha wished her an identical soul and the gift of life once more…
He had given her life but a hollow existence. He had chosen Kagome.
Part of her understood. Had always known that it would be one or the other and the cast off would be feeling this way.
She sneered through her empty tears. He had given her life so that he could stop feeling guilty. So that he could move forward in life.
Kagome had been her sweet self, Kagome lead her to the future, since she was staying most of the time in the past with Inuyasha...
Kagome had taught her everything in a short period of time. Somehow the jewel had also made this all possible.
Yet, she saw the shadow of herself in the girl, she could see why Inuyasha loved her. But that never stopped her from being bitter.
So, for herself, she knew her fate. It was too take lover after lover, trying in vain to fill the empty space. Try to find a man who would compare to him. And it wasn't possible. No man ever would.
It was also her fate to sit like this wondering if he was at that moment looking up at the sky thinking of her, even if it was for just a second.
Home, a place that she never really had. She didn't need to go back to the time she was from. There was no place for her anymore.
Maybe they would meet again. In another life. Or even on the other side, what people here called...Heaven.
She would have to hope that he could love her then.
For now she would pray and live out the time meted out to her.
But, she though wryly, I won't marry again, not after the mess of divorce.