.x ONE IN A MILLION x.
"There are millions of people in this world, but in the end it all comes down to one."
She said she'd given up on love. He said he didn't care for love. But when you've met your one in a million, not even fate can keep you apart.
The moment Kairi Rosa and Sora Hikari met, their lives weren't their own anymore. Going against all their beliefs about life and love, they were pulled into a whirlwind of pain, confusion and romance, and soon, they found they were in too deep to get out.
For as soon as she saw his deep, cerulean eyes, it was a done deal. She'd fallen for him hard, and she couldn't deny it. But accepting her feelings wasn't enough. Was she prepared to listen to her heart for the first time, or would she just give up, the way she had before?
For him, she seemed to be an exception. But would he admit his feelings and go against everything he'd said before? Or would he simply ignore his feelings and pretend that everything was the same as before, even though it wasn't?
But, even through getting passed their emotional problems, things weren't as simple for them as they would have wanted. With all the factors against them, and Sora's life problems growing evermore serious, would the two be able to accept their feelings and fix all the problems emerging around them, and come out of it all hand in hand? Or would fate go against them, and do everything in its power to push the two away from each other?
Part 1: Bittersweet Innocence
Of Denying Love
"If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."
Alone for Christmas…again.
I just wish I had someone special. Someone to give me a reason, to bring me happiness. Someone to love me the way I loved them.
Guys are so typical though. They're all too afraid to be themselves, to be sensitive to a girls feelings, for they fear their friends will mock them.
When will I meet someone who doesn't care? Someone who does what they want, no matter what anyone else thinks? And someone who loves me for who I really am?
I always used to love being alone. I found no companion as favourable as solitude. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't like I was depressed and hated other people. I did love my friends, and I loved spending time with them. It's just…sometimes I preferred to just be alone with my thoughts, with no-one to disturb me.
But now…now being alone with my thoughts does me no justice. I end up thinking about everything too hard, looking into every tiny detail, until I end up being more upset at the end than I was at the start.
So that's what I'm looking for. Someone to always be there for me, someone to calm my heart, someone who'll be with me, in my heart, even when there's no-one else in the room.
Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not desperate. I'm not going to go searching for someone; I'll wait for them to come to me.
And in the meantime, I'm not going to go out with any guy that's available. I'm not looking for a fling, a relationship based merely on infatuation and lust that washes away after a few days.
I want the real thing. Sure, you may say that at sixteen you can't have the real thing – it just doesn't exist. I disagree. It may be rare, but it does exist. Love always exists, no matter the age, time or place. It's just a matter of recognizing it for what it is.
I do want love. I do hope that it will find me in the end. But I've given up looking for it. Whenever I do, it all just backfires on me; I've had enough.
So I'll just wait. Wait for him. When will I get my happy ending?
– SK – SK – SK –
I wish they'd all just leave me alone. So what if I don't want a girlfriend? So what if I'm spending Christmas alone again? That's the way I like it.
Maybe, one day, I'll change my mind. Maybe one day something will happen that will make me realise there isn't anything to be afraid of. That love is worth it.
But until then, I'm quite content the way I am. Because to be honest, nowadays, most girls are worse than guys. Why is it that everything always has to revolve around sex?
Why can't people realise that there's more to a relationship than just lust. And that love and lust should keep the same company.
Yet another reason why I don't want a girlfriend. Imagine me explaining my opinions to my friends! I'd be a laughing stock. I really don't need any of that hassle right now.
And anyway…girls are annoying. As girlfriends, I mean. They're fine as friends. But no, when you start going out it's suddenly all different. In a bad way. I'm fine with the commitment thing – that's not a problem. What I'm talking about is the way girls tend to tell their friends every single aspect of your relationship, every tiny insignificant detail that you say.
And they expect you to shower them with gifts, because if you don't it proves you 'don't love them enough'. Pathetic.
And if you don't answer one call, or one text, they get all needy and clingy, and come up with all these dumb accusations.
And also… I'm afraid. What if I did meet someone worthwhile? Someone who wasn't like all the other girls? Someone different, someone special?
And then what if I hurt them unintentionally, through my stupidity and ignorance? That's my greatest fear.
It's just not worth it, in my opinion.
Not much has changes in a year. I'm still spending Christmas alone. Same as usual.
But the time in between last Christmas and this year was very different to normal.
I experienced feelings I never thought I would, met people I never thought I would meet, did things I never thought I would do.
And for all that, I'm still spending this Christmas the same as last year.
Well, except for one thing. Whereas last Christmas, I had never felt love, and merely wished for it…this year, I've felt love, I've experienced love, and just wish for it to come back.
Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences; you build up this whole armour, for years, so nothing can hurt you.
Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... and you give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it.
They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "I may be leaving for a while" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination; not just in the mind, it's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
But through all that, my Christmas wish is still to just get back everything I lost.
Because even though it caused me the most pain I'd ever felt, it also brought me the greatest happiness. And that sort of happiness is worth anything.
– SK – SK – SK –
A lot of things can change in a year. And a lot of things can stay the same.
I've grown up a lot. I've changed in some aspects. But I guess there are some experiences you can't go through without changing. And love is one of those.
However, I'm still the same cowardly, scared cynic I was last year. And that small fact has caused a lot of pain – too much pain.
There are many lessons in life that only time can teach you - like how much you love someone. It's nearly impossible to know that, until you spend your days without them.
And then there are those lessons that you can learn only through the beating of your heart, and through feeling such strong emotions that you can barely breathe.
Then finally, the essence of time and the power of your heart crossing paths, and the only knowledge you're left with is the realization that time is the one thing that keeps you from letting go.
No, it's never the embracing, or the kisses. Not the laughter or the tears; only time.
Some good advice I learnt this year: Don't use your eyes to look for love, for it's your heart that knows it.
Let yourself make mistakes and do learn from this. It is from this that you will accumulate your knowledge as to whether the person met is the one or not.
Just make sure you don't make mistakes that may cost too much, that may be irreversible. Especially if you've realised that the person, in fact, is the one.
That was one thing I realised too late.
In a year, my greatest fears came true. And now, I have a different fear.
My biggest fear is never loving anyone again the way I loved her. Or should I say, love her, no past participle. Because I'm not going to lie and say I'm over her. Because I'm not. I don't know if I ever will be.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.
I hope you enjoyed that :) Please leave a review, it's nice to know what people think of the early stages of this story. Keep reading; thanks! :D