Doing Just Fine
Chap 1 of 3 or 4, Acerbic Wit
Author Devylish
Fandom Veronica Mars
Pairing: Veronica Lamb DoVe
Words 1029
Rating R or T
Spoilers Season 1
Warning Language
A/N: I know nothing about airbags

"I was doing just fine before you arrived, thank you very much!" Veronica crossed her arms over her chest and huddled against the passenger side door.

Lamb's responding snort of laughter as he guided the car down the shadowy deserted roadway, grated what few nerves Veronica had left.

"Right Mars. You were doing 'just fine…!' That's why you were 100 miles away from Neptune, out in the middle of Butt-Fuck-Nowhere, with Armand DeSoto and two of his goons backing you into a corner in an abandoned gas station." Lamb's voice dropped from a mocking tone to a gravely growl, "you didn't have your phone with you –"

Veronica interrupted defensively, "I did have it! DeSoto took it and broke it!"

"— You didn't have a weapon!" Lamb snapped back at her.

"I didn't have anywhere to hide my taser!" she countered.

Lamb briefly looked away from the road and slid his eyes over her, exasperation and anger battling for control. Finally, he bit out -- "I wasn't going to mention your get-up, but since you brought the topic up: 'What.The.Fuck' were you thinking Mars?! DeSoto escaped the Eddy Spet murder charge on a technicality, and he has 3 rape charges that have been brought and dropped against him, with 2 more pending," Lamb took a deep breath. "And you…, all of 5.1, 110 lbs., get into his car with him, looking… like that? Christ Mars! A Saint would try to take advantage of you when you look like that, much less an uncontrolled animal like DeSoto!"

Veronica curled her feet up next to her in the seat and pouted darkly. "Well Sheriff that was kind of the idea."

Lamb shot her a look.

"Not to get him to attack me!" she amended quickly, "just to get his attention and… and to get him to talk… to brag a bit about some of his 'conquests'. Basically, I was once again trying to do your job for you – you know, 'get a confession' from the bad guys."

"So you climbed, half-naked, and unarmed, into a car with three men to get some hear-say evidence to share with me?" Lamb stared at Veronica in disbelief. "Okay, I admit it Veronica, I always thought you were smarter than that -- a pain-in-the-ass -- but a 'smarter' pain-in-the-ass none the less.

"Listen Lamb," Veronica looked up from picking invisible pieces of lint off her nearly invisible skirt, "I didn't, -- WATCH THE –!"

Too late, Lamb's attention swiveled away from the perpetually distracting Veronica Mars back to the road and he found his car racing full speed into a fallen tree laying the middle of the highway. Jerking the steering wheel to the right, he slammed on the brakes in an attempt to keep the automobile from ramming headlong into the debris.

As the car spun, and the tires screeched on the asphalt, both Veronica and Lamb slid from side to side in their seatbelts until the driver's side of the car finally crashed into the trunk of the tree.

Silence can be overwhelming.

That was Lamb's first coherent thought as he shook his head and lifted it from the 'not so soft' airbag that had deployed milliseconds into the accident. Taking a quick review of his physical and mental faculties, he verified that, amazingly, everything seemed to be in working order. And then his brain cells lit up and he realized he hadn't been alone in the car when the accident occurred.

Looking to the right he saw Veronica awkwardly draped over the passenger-side airbag. As he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his pocket knife, he called out to her. "Mars."

His voice was hoarse.

"Mars." She didn't move. "Mars!" He put more force behind his voice this time, and sighed under his breath when she slowly began to move.

"Veronica… are you alright?" Taking the knife, Lamb slit a hole and sliced into the thick plastic of the airbag. The car quickly filled with a stale chemical scent.

Lifting her head she gingerly straightened her tiny form against the back of the car seat and cocked her head first from side to side. "Other than feeling a bit like a human pancake, I seem to be doing just fine." She looked over at Lamb. "Nice crash."

"Clearly your acerbic wit wasn't damaged by the accident."

"'Acerbic wit?' Oh be still my heart…, today Don Lamb used a big word – 'I think I'm in love!'"

Don didn't say anything, he simply lifted his middle finger in her direction as he unbuckled his seatbelt. Turning towards her, he lifted the knife.

"Oh, okay Lamb… I know you're thinking 'here's my opportunity, knife in hand, trapped Veronica Mars. Do I cut Veronica, or cut the air bag? Cut Mars? Or cut airbag?' Go with the air bag Lamb. You'd never be able to cover up my murder. Eventually the police would figure out you did it, and then they'd be after you…. You'd be a Lamb on the lamb. A sad situation really. So for your own sake, not for mine, cut the airbag."

Taking the knife, Lamb looked Veronica in the eyes as he cut into her airbag, releasing more musty chemical air into the car. He noted she was panting lightly, just a little bit, and it occurred to him that she might have a small case of claustrophobia – a parting gift from her time in the fridge – care of Aaron Echolls. That could explain her 'verbosity' now. Veronica normally jabbed at him with her wit… taking pleasure in proving her perceived mental superiority. But she wasn't normally the babbling type… she was the short, sweet, rapier-tipped type of gal; at least she was with him. His eyes flickered from hers, to her lips – not wanting her to see the sympathy he suddenly felt.

Her lips. Her lips didn't inspire pity – she had a fucking wicked mouth – a fucking beautiful mouth. It was almost a shame that Mars was so beautiful, and so brilliant – and such an undeniably irritating woman. She'd be perfect if he could just figure out how to shut her up every once and a while.