Tis been a while, everyone! While I have the motivation to get Rise of the Negativities back on track, I just do no have the right moment to update yet. Fear not; the story is still in works and I will definitely work on that story when the time comes.
For now, I'd like to treat you to this new story that is full of humor and at the same time Christmas spirits! I hope you enjoy it!
Note: This story will use Smashers, my OCs, and video game/anime characters that appeared in my past stories. I will make mention of it if there are OCs, so do not go assuming it's an OC if you see someone you don't know.
Note II: This story is non-canonical; meaning anything happening in this story will not affect the plot of the main timeline. Just pretend that this story takes place in an alternate universe.
SUPER SMASH BROS.
SUPER SMASH FAIRY TALES
SUPER SMASH FAIRY TALES
Chapter 1: Snow White
A long time ago, in some beautiful snow-covered land known as Unnamed Snow Country, there lived a king named Wario.
Now Wario isn't any attractive man that women would fall in love with. In fact, no women ever loved him. Would you believe it that no men loved him too?
Wario is the filthiest and most disgusting person you can ever find. Not only is he disgusting and hygienic, but he is also a very rude and ill-tempered king. In fact, nobody seems to acknowledge him as the king. But how on earth did someone like him become a king anyway?
When the king (played by Master Hand) died, the queen (played by Zelda) married another man. Wanting to become a king for his own personal reasons, Wario secretly put drugs in the queen's food and made her mentally insane, and then she chose Wario as her husband and thus he became king! Zelda was sent to mental hospital shortly afterwards though, and she's there to this day.
But Wario didn't care as he has no interest in girls. I might as well say he has no interest in men too so that you would not think of silly things.
So anyway, Zelda originally had a baby girl. The girl had soft, delicate skin and her cheeks are as pink as peach, and she also smells like peach. And so therefore, her name is Snow White.
Wait a minute, that doesn't make sense… Let's call her Peach Pink, but you can call her Peach if you want to.
So anyway, Wario never cared about Peach since she's not his real daughter. Peach didn't cared too as he's not her real father, but that doesn't mean she hates him. She still tried to satisfy him and not disappoint him in any form (get that thought off your mind!).
Now if there is one thing that Wario is proud of besides the riches he currently have, and that is his big, round healthy butt. His butt is as hard as rock and he can crush anything with it. He can also… Nah, forget it... I think you get the point already.
So one day, Wario went to ask his magical talking mirror that he bought from a black shop. "Computron, who has the fairest butt of all?" asked Wario.
No image appeared on the mirror, but a voice spoke out of it, saying, "Of all of the living things in the world, an elephant has the largest maximus glutimus of any animal currently alive."
"Idiot! That's not what I'm asking for! Be more precise!"
"The African elephant is the largest species of elephant; therefore it has the largest maximus glutimus."
The scene switches to outside the castle window, where you see Wario throwing the mirror out and into the moat below.
Back inside, Wario got out another mirror which looked like a Game & Watch device and hung it on the wall, and asked, "Mirror on the wall! Who has the fairest butt of all?"
G&W appeared on the screen and replied, "Well, that would be you, I think."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, I suppose I might as well tell you the truth, since there's really no point in hiding it from you."
"Spit it out fast!"
"Peach has the fairest butt of all."
"What did you say?!" asked Wario shock.
"Well, she's a woman, and all women have nicer buttocks than men. Who wants to see a man's bare bottom anyway, especially someone like you?"
The scene switches to outside the window again where we see the device being tossed out into the moat… again…
Wario growled in anger and stomped to his throne. "That Peach… I should've known this day would come! I must get rid of her so that nobody can claim the title of the nicest ass in the world!" After pondering for a while on what to do, he called out loud for his servant, "LINK!!!!"
The door opened and Link stepped in and showed his respect (not that he wanted to, mind you) by bowing down. "You called me, your majesty?"
"I want you to take Princess Peach out to the forest and kill her!"
Link was shocked at hearing this, and protested, "But king! She is just a young girl and may very well be the heir to your throne! How can I…"
"Silence! This is an order from the king and you must obey it no matter what! Kill her!" shouted Wario angry.
Link had no choice but to listen to him. "I will, king…"
We skip fast forward some time later, where we are now at the forest. Link and Peach were strolling through the woods and Peach is having a great time. "This is fun!" she said happily while building a mini snowman in her palm. Awwwww…
Link was wondering what he should do. He simply couldn't bring himself to kill a beautiful girl like her. "Maybe I should tell her the truth," thought Link. He took a deep swallow and stepped up to Peach and said to her, "Princess, I have something I must tell you."
"What is it?" asked Peach curiously.
"In reality… The king… sent me to… kill you…" said Link nervously.
"Oh look! There's a penguin in a pirate costume flying over there!" said Peach all of a sudden while pointing to the sky.
"Where?" asked Link as he looked around for what Peach was talking about.
"Peach Bomber!" Peach quickly slammed her butt into Link's body and it resulted in an explosion of flashy hearts.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" Link was sent flying over the horizon, where he disappeared in a twinkle.
"Help!!!! Someone wants to kill me!!!!!!" screamed Peach as she fled into the forest, screaming like mad.
To make a long story short, Peach ran and ran and ran and ran until she came to a cottage in the middle of the forest. "Uh? A cottage in the middle of the forest? I wonder who lives there?" she wondered.
The cottage is very unique in the way that it is made of cookies and candies. Wait, wrong story…
Peach went up to the front door and knocked on it, but nobody answered at all. "Nobody's home?" she wondered. She looked into the window and saw that the inside is quite a mess. "It's so messy inside… I better clean it up! But how do I go inside?" She walked around the cottage to look for another entrance, but found that there is no back door and all the windows are locked too. "There's really no way inside…"
She came back to the front door and saw a small opening at the bottom of the door. Thinking that there are no other methods left, she decided to enter the cottage using that small opening. And so she bent down and went in head first, followed by the rest of the body, until…
"Ow… I'm stuck…" said Peach, trying to come in but found that she can't. She tried to pull herself out, but to no avail also. "What do I do…?" She struggled and shook around for a while, but after a long attempt of vain, she cried out loud, "Help me!!!!"
Poor Peach… She's stuck at the opening at the bottom of the door throughout the whole day with no way of getting out and there is nobody around to hear her scream.
Seven short people—Ness, Young Link, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Popo, Nana, and Lucas—came out from the forest, dragging an undecorated Christmas tree behind them, and approached the cottage. They stopped in their tracks immediately when they saw someone mysterious at the door.
"What is that?!" gasped Pikachu.
"It looks like a pink blob!" replied YL.
"Another Jigglypuff?" wondered Jigglypuff.
"What's it doing at our doorway?" asked Nana.
"I don't know, but I hope it isn't there to wait and eat us…" said Popo. This made Lucas cry and tremble in fright.
"Whatever it is, I'm going to check it out," said Ness.
"I'm with you!" said YL.
The two of them bravely stepped forward to the pink blob at the door and carefully observed it. "It doesn't look like a blob…" said Ness.
YL got out his sword and poked it from behind. When he did, the thing shook and let out a cry, "Yeow!"
"It made a sound!" said YL in surprise.
"Is there anyone there?" asked the pink thing loudly. I don't think I have to tell you that this is Peach. It's pretty obvious if you've been reading the story carefully.
"It talked! What is this thing?" asked Pikachu.
"It's obviously a person! A girl to be precise!" said Popo.
"Like me?" asked Nana.
"What are you doing here?" Ness asked Peach.
"I'm stuck!" cried Peach while shaking her rear back and forth. "Please get me out!"
"Were you trying to go into our house and steal our properties?" asked YL.
"I swear I'm not a thief! I'm lost in the woods and wanted to go inside to rest, but now I'm stuck like this!"
"So what do we do?" Ness asked the others.
"She sounds like she's sincere," said Nana. "Plus, I pity her for getting stuck like this."
"We can't leave her alone too!" said Pikachu. "Or else she'll be screaming all day and won't leave us in peace."
"Help her!" suggested Jigglypuff.
They all agreed to help her, and so they grabbed her by the legs and began pulling. "Pull!" shouted Ness. "Pull harder!"
They all tried their best to pull Peach out, but even so; she is still stuck very tight. "Ya! It hurts!" cried Peach.
They stopped pulling and YL said, "This isn't getting anywhere…"
"Guess we have no choice now…" said Ness. "Everyone, stand back!"
"What are you doing?" asked Peach from inside. "Are you still trying to help me?"
But then she heard someone shouting, "PK Rocking!"
The door exploded and Peach is sent flying inside with great velocity. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
The other 6 looked at the mess that Ness had done in order to help Peach. "Well, at least it worked…" said Ness sheepishly.
To make a long story short, they cleaned up the whole place and nursed Peach, and then introduced themselves to her.
"I'm Young Link!"
"I'm his sister Nana!"
"Call me Pikachu!"
"And he's Lucas," said Ness, pointing to the blond kid hiding behind a cupboard. "He's a bit shy, so don't worry about him.
"You are sweet little children!" said Peach. "You live alone?"
"Yeah, we live by ourselves, but that's no problem," said YL. "We still lived a happy life!"
"What are you doing here anyway and who are you?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to introduce myself!" said Peach.
And so, she shared her story with them.
"I see… Your life sure is in danger now," said Ness.
"Right now I'm afraid to go back to the castle…" said Peach, worried.
"Don't worry! You can live here for as long as you want!" said Popo.
"Yeah, I always wanted an adult to live with us and teach us some stuffs," said Nana.
"Thank you so much for inviting me!" said Peach happily.
Back at the caslte…
"So what's the news, Punk?" Wario asked his spy.
"It turned out that Peach Pink is still alive and she is currently living with some kids in the middle of the forest," reported Punk.
"I see… Very well, you can take your leave."
"Yes, your majesty," said Punk before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
"That whore… I must get rid of her at all cost!" growled Wario angrily. He paced around his room and tried to come up with an idea. After a long time of not coming up with an idea, he got frustrated and reached for his phone, "Robin! I want you to get me a book that talks about methods of killing people! Make it snappy!"
He hung the phone and waited in his room. After a while, a row of hands came in from the window, carrying and passing along a book until it reached Wario's hand. "Thanks," said Wario as the hands disappeared one by one.
Wario opened the book and flipped through it. "Now what method should I use? Axe to the head? Iron bat to the face? Sniping? Disemboweling? Poison gas? Water torture? Aha! Here's a good one!"
The day after that…
Wario, disguised as a deliveryman, pulled to a stop outside the kids' house. "Hehe! I'll make her eat the poison apple so that she will die!" he thought to himself.
He went up to the front door and knocked on it, and Peach opened the door for him. "May I help you?" asked Peach.
"Special delivery for you!" said Wario in a cheerful tone. "It's a Christmas present from your relatives!"
"How do you know I live here?"
"Well, technology is on good sides with our company, so tracking down addresses isn't hard…"
Peach got the box from him and opened it, and found that there are several apples inside. "Wow! Lots of apples! They look delicious!"
"Of course they are delicious!" said Wario. "They are specially imported from Foolurene! Those apples are the best, despite the stupidity of its citizens. You should go on and try it at once so that I can report to your relatives on what you think! Don't worry; they're cleaned already!"
"That's nice! Okay, I'll give it a try now!" Peach got out one of the apples and readies to eat it. Wario is grinning with enthusiasm as Peach brought the apple closer and closer to her mouth.
Right before she bit into the apple, something came to Peach and she said, "Wait a minute, I don't have any relatives in Foolurene!"
"Who cares where they are from?! Just eat it!" shouted Wario with frustration. He grabbed the apple Peach was holding and pushed it into her mouth with force.
Peach dropped to her knees and held her hands in front of her mouth and looked like she is suffering. When she took her hands off the mouth, blood can be seen on the hand. "Ha! The poison is taking effect!" laughed Wario.
"I lost a tooth!" cried Peach, holding up a bloody fallen tooth.
"Dammit! I got the wrong apple!" cursed Wario while looking at the apple that he forced Peach to eat. "I knocked her tooth off instead!"
The 7 kids came out from the cottage to take a look at the commotion going on. "What's happening here?" asked Pikachu.
"Look! Apples!" said Jigglypuff with interest as she ran to the box of apples on the ground.
Ness took a look at Wario and said, "Hey! That's the evil king who wants Peach dead! The description that she gave matches perfectly!" Lucas cried in fear and hid behind the door.
On hearing this, Peach was shocked. "What?! My father?!"
"He's not your father!" said YL. "Your mom married him after she gave birth to you, so he's not your real father!"
Growling with anger that his disguise has been busted, Wario grabbed Jigglypuff and held her hostage. "Peach Pink, I want you to eat the poison apple at once or else I'll squash this Pokemon with my weight!"
"How dare you?!" gasped Peach.
"The poison apple is the one with the skull marking on it! Eat it in front of my eyes and kill yourself and then I'll let the kids go!"
"You can't listen to him, princess!" said Popo. "You cannot trust him!"
"But what about Jigglypuff?!" asked Nana in concern.
"You have no other choices left! Eat the apple at once, whore!" Wario said to Peach.
"You better not do anything silly too!" said YL. "Or else I'll destroy this poison apple!" He is seen holding the poison apple in his hands while pointing his sword at it.
"No! Don't ruin the apple, or else the whore can't eat it!" gasped Wario.
"Let Jigglypuff go at once or else the apple is crushed!"
"Oh yeah? If the whore can't eat the apple, then I have no reason to keep this Pokemon alive too! I'll just kill this creature right away if you destroy the apple!"
"How dare you?!"
"What do we do?!" asked Pikachu in concern. "If we destroy the apple, the princess won't have to eat it but Jigglypuff will die, but if we let the princess eat the apple, Jigglypuff will live but the princess will die instead!"
"This is terrible!" cried Nana. Lucas is hiding behind the door, cowering in fear.
"All right! I'll eat the apple, so you let the kids go!" said Peach with determination.
"How can you?!" gasped the kids.
"That's more like it!" said Wario happily. "Now eat it in front of me and then I'll let the kids go!"
Peach turned to YL and said, "Hand the apple over to me."
"Are you sure?" asked YL.
"I'm sure. I'm sorry for dragging you into all these when you shouldn't have anything to with it, so I'm going to be responsible for your safety. I apologize to everyone!"
"No, princess! Don't!" cried Nana.
"You can't do that!" said Ness. "There must be some other way!"
"All right, if you say so," said YL with a sad face.
"Haha! Eat it at once, you whore! Die right now so that nobody will try to claim the title of the nicest ass in the world from me!" laughed Wario.
For some reason, YL got into pitcher position and got ready to throw the apple as if it's a baseball. "Catch, princess!" He then threw the apple at a fast speed towards Peach, who got ready to catch it.
Peach took a gulp and lifted up her hands to catch the apple as it slowly approached her.
It got closer and closer and closer…
Nami is dressed in an extremely skimpy and sexy Santa costume while lying next to a big bag of toys. "Wanna see more?" she asked seductively while giving you a seductive look and with a naughty smile. "Then be sure to read Rise of the Negativities!" Oh yeah, she's touching herself too.
The apple hit Peach in the face and knocked her onto her back, and the apple continued flying and straight into Wario's mouth just as he is laughing. Before Wario can realize it, he swallowed the apple already.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I SWALLOWED THE POISON APPLE!!!!!!!" screamed Wario as he quickly let go of Jigglypuff. "I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
Suddenly, they all heard a loud growling sound. Wario grabbed his stomach in pain and began to panic, and he quickly ran into the woods while crying in agony.
"All right! We've beaten the bad guy!" shouted Ness with excitement.
"Princess!!!" shouted the other kids in joy as they ran to Peach to hug her.
"Thank you so much for everything!" said Peach with tears of joy. "Thank you so much!"
And so, the evil king never came to harass them again, and they never heard anything from him ever since too. Nobody cares about that king anyway, so why should you care?
Oh yeah, how about the handsome prince. Bah, who cares!
END OF CHAPTER
This is only the first chapter. There will a lot more tales mixed with humor and Christmas spirit! I hope you liked this! Don't forget to leave behind good reviews and ask questions if you have any. Merry Christmas!
This story marks the first appearance of Lucas in my SSB series. This appearance is non-canonical though. His official appearance will not be until Rise of the Negativities.
I own both Punk and Computron in this story. You probably don't know who Computron is. He only appeared in one story, Smashers in Space. I highly DO NOT recommend reading that story because of bad story telling and cheesy/pointless/random/boring/stupid humor, but I'll tell you that Computron is an unique A.I. that can be transferred between various computers and take total control of it and interact with people.