Cheers to Indecency

"Ouch. I really didn't think we would be this pathetic. Totally unexpected."

Grimacing slightly at the truth in Ishida's words Ichigo tried to catch a peek at their surroundings, only to sigh as the dust raised by their landing obscured everything from sight.

But there was something.

Right at the edge of his perception, tickling his awareness, there was something.

It was less of a feeling, more of a knowing that something was waiting here for him and him alone.

Something old, at least in human terms, old, yes, powerful too and ….nice?

Yes there was something nice about it. This presence that tried to draw him to itself the moment he had stepped foot into this world.

A soothing warmth, filling him from toe to head and smothering his insecurities.

Whatever it was, it was …gentle, yes gentle was the right word for it. Yet, there was an undercurrent of something raw, something wild.

It was less human than before but far more animalistic in nature, but strangely …appealing to something deep within him.

Like a fire it seemed to make the embers within his soul burn anew. Blood rushed into his cheeks as he felt his body's natural reaction to the stimulation his soul seemed to receive.

And why did it feel as if the presence was trying to grab his ass?

He twisted around, looking for something to take his mind of the things his soul felt, anything that wouldn't embarrass him even further.

A heartbeat later he averted his eyes again blushing even harder, watching Orihime's jiggly way of walking was not the best idea to get rid of his arousal. No sir.

He needed something to get rid of this problem right now. Scanning his surroundings, now that the dust had fallen and revealed the outskirts of the city in front of them, he searched for something to turn him off.

'Why are there no ugly old hags anywhere when you need them? Something? Anything?'

A split second later Ichigo's eyes locked unto the only thing that came to mind. It was perfect. Really. He would have clapped himself on his own back if it hadn't looked so strange.

Also it was something his father might have done, which made it a big no-no in Ichigo's book.

Nothing killed arousal faster than getting chewed out by a cat with the voice of an old geezer.

'Yup, a cat's fine too!'

Now to get it's attention.

"So, this is Soul Society, Yoruichi-san?"

"The outer layer yes, what you see in the distance is Rukongai, the place where most spirits live. In the center there is Seireitei, where Rukia is being held, but for now we only have to worry how to get into Rukongai."

"Hmm, doesn't look that hard to me, let's go!"

Grinning like a loon Ichigo turned around to sprint into the city and history took its course.

Only to come to a sudden stop as two people appeared before them.

The moment he saw the captain's hatori on one of them he threw himself forward, attacking without hesitation.

One moment later he was on the ground, butt sticking into the hair, zanpakuto on the ground and a black cat on his head, burying his face in the sand.

"My... for you to aid those ryouka, how interesting, but where are my manners, it has been quite a long time since we last met, has it not, Shihouin Yoruichi-san?"

Bowing kindly the female captain greeted the cat still perched on Ichigo's head.

"It certainly has been a long time, Unohana-taicho. But why so formal, I always hated that way of speaking to someone. Or have you already forgotten that Retsu-chan?"

"Hmmm, well, you always were a bit of a rebel weren't you, Yoruichi-san?" Twinkling eyes met a cat's curiosity and suddenly the atmosphere seemed strained, as if a sudden weight had started to press down upon them.

Tension filled the area, numbing the senses of all but the cat and the captain.

"Maybe, but that doesn't explain why you were waiting here for us to come and rescue the Kuchiki girl. So tell me, how did Soul Society figure out when we would arrive?"

"Ohh my, I can't speak for everyone but I at least knew nothing about your attempts. In fact I came here for a wholly different reason."

Again that kind smile filled her face.

Before the black cat could answer though, she had to jump to safety, to escape the sudden revival of her chair.

Dusting himself off Ichigo blew out some air before he opened his mouth to give voice to his irritation.

"What the hell is going one here?"

Grimacing at the shocked faces of the others he pointed his finger at the Unohana.

"She's a Shinigami right? A captain class Shinigami!"

Seeing Yoruichi nod from her new resting place, a top Orihime's head, he turned to Unohana once again to see her smiling at him.

"Indeed, I am Unohana Retsu, the captain of the fourth division. Pleased to meet you Kurosaki-kun."

"So why aren't we fighting…..wait. How the hell do you know my name?"

Still pointing his finger Ichigo had started to twist from Yoruichi to Unohana and back again, desperately trying to make sense of this.

"Well, Kurosaki-kun this is a matter that concerns you directly, you see. Or more correctly it concerns this!"

While talking she had taken something out of her robes, something that looked a lot like a… scroll?

It only took a single look at the seal to make the goddess of flash, currently in her feline form, pale, which was quite impressive for a black cat, as she immediately recognized that sort of seal.

Oh yes, she knew that kind of seal far too well to be comfortable with it. Nothing good could would come out of this, it never did.

"Retsu-chan, you can't mean to tell me that there actually exists a contract like that for him. He is a ryouka, he has absolutely no relation to Soul Society whatsoever."

"I am afraid it is as you say, the contract exists and it will have to be fulfilled. Honor is at stake, family honor at that, I am sure you understand how important this can be to some people and sooner or later we will have to go through with this."

"But, Retsu-chan, think about it. He is coming here as a ryouka, he comes to challenge the very law you uphold. Besides you are a captain."

Like a single person the remaining ryouka plus one fukutaicho turned to the black haired woman, the ever present smile still on her face as she seemed to mull over Yoruichi's words.

"Ano, Ishida-san, Chad-san, do you understand anything they are saying?"

"Those shinigami are clearly crazy, the whole frickin' lot of them."

"It seems they are arguing about something that concerns Ichigo. Him and family honor?"

Seeing the captain open her mouth the reply the remaining peanut gallery fell silent again, hoping to gain further understanding.

"Hmm, you are quite right, Yoruichi-san, but as a captain is it not my duty to uphold the laws, all of them? So it is my duty as a captain of Soul Society to fulfill this contract, is it not?"

Some how her smile seemed a lot brighter than before, in fact Unohana's whole demeanor seemed to become just a bit brighter.

For a second the former shinigami seemed speechless before she caught herself.
"He's way to young for this. You must remember that he is only human, he is not even an adult according to the laws of the mortal world."

A feline grin settled on her face as she watched Unohana think about her words. That should settle that business. Hah, leave it to contract crasher Yoruichi to safe Ichigo from the evil that is an ...

"What are you people talking about? We don't have time for this, we need to free Rukia."

On the other hand, if he kept interrupting her train of thought like that, Retsu-chan could have him...with a goddamn pink ribbon on top.

"Oh my, he is indeed quite inexperienced, is he not? So young and rash, full of youthful energy, ready to make the mistakes of youth."

Frowning a little the captain of the fourth division put her index finger to her mouth as she seemed to think about something.

"But there is one thing you forgot oh goddess of flash Yoruichi.."

Slowly the frown seemed to melt into her smile again, but instead of calm and gentle there seemed to be an underlying message in that smile.

"… you see, I just happen to…"

In an instant the smile was gone replaced with a downright sulty smirk.

"…like 'em young!"

Somehow Ichigo Kurosaki had a feeling of impending doom, well that and the sudden urge to strangle his father.

Meanwhile Shihouin Yoruichi was busy hitting her head against the nearest hard object, because she had forgotten about her old friends habits.

And Isane Kotetsu hung her head in shame of her captain's antics.

On some days, you just can't win

And Unohana Retsu still smirked.