Dedication: Fan Fan Girl (and all her alias's). She suggested that I write something different, and this was pretty much one of her suggestions. While browsing through my Favorite's, I happened upon an old Star Wars 'fic that leant me inspiration to write this.
Warning: First Person POV
The way that he looks at her when he thinks nobody will notice is unexplainable, even for someone of my social standing. For all my knowledge of how to rule a country, I do not think there is a single word that can describe the emotions that flicker across his face.
The Knight Commander is not an emotional man, but when his eyes look to her, something happens to him; I can see it. There is a certain admiration as he watches her practice her swordplay, alone because the other knights will not spar with her, and a fondness when he sees her at rest, relaxed, speaking happily with her friend Florina.
I have seen them from the castle windows many times… He usually watches her from a safe distance, not hiding himself, but hiding his emotions underneath a mask that I know will not hold forever. I can still remember when Wil caught him watching her, and what the other man said must have been rather embarrassing, for the knight flushed deeply and mumbled something softly before taking his leave.
On the other hand, while he trains daily, alone because he prefers it that way, she will come to watch him, sometimes from a castle window, and sometimes from the shade of the trees just out of his field of vision. I can see that she admires his dedication, for her eyes betray her every thought.
Oh, Lyndis, I sometimes think. Do not fall in love… but if you do, let it be someone that will take good care of you; someone that will love you no matter what.
I can see them now, from where I stand, just behind Kent. He has not noticed my presence yet, because his eyes are again trained on the young woman who stands in the distance, her hair blowing around her in the warm summer breeze. The wistful expression on his face, as if he wants to go to her, but does not think that he should, changes quickly to regret as he turns to face me, and I laugh softly at the shocked look on his face.
I silence his stuttered apologies and turn him towards my granddaughter, one hand resting on his shoulder. I cannot tell if he is trembling or not, but his nervousness is apparent to me. "You follow her here every day," I start to say, but I pause when I notice his façade crack slightly, perhaps with fear. I try again, my words gentle, "Why does she come here?"
He watches her for a moment, and I can almost see the internal battle he is fighting to keep his emotions at bay. "She misses her home," he tells me after a few moments of silence. "When she speaks of it…m'lord, I…"
He trails off, but he does not need to finish his sentence; I already know what he is thinking. "You are afraid to lose her?" I ask, turning to look at him.
He does not look away from her as he answers, "She is not mine to lose."
But you wish that she were, I think, but I do not say it. Lyndis falls onto her back in the tall grass with a smile covering her face, and as I watch Kent, I see his lips curve upwards in a hesitant smile of his own.
"She does this every day," he tells me, still not taking his eyes off of her.
"And you never tire of watching?"
"No." His tone is melancholy, soft. He jerks suddenly and turns to stare at me, his eyes wide before he bows deeply, his face giving away his shame. "Forgive me, Lord Hausen," he mutters. "It is not my place to say such things."
I laugh lightly before urging him to stand again. "At one time," I say, "I thought that I knew the direction that love should take… and as it turns out, I made the wrong decision. To my last breath, I will regret not giving Madelyn and Hassar my blessing." I turn to look at the granddaughter that came into my life when I most needed her, and smile brightly before turning back to Kent. "She is happy like this. She does not act happy when she sits in the castle walls."
He nods hesitantly, his brown eyes flickering to her still figure. Her eyes are closed as she soaks up the warm sunshine and the smell of the grass. "…She wants to return," I hear him murmur absently as his hand twists itself in the fabric of his pants.
"I know." Silence overcomes us both, and after a time, I see the wistful expression cross his face again, as if he wants to say something, but is too embarrassed to do so. Afraid of rejection, perhaps- though I've seen the way she looks at him- or …maybe he feels as if his love is one that is not meant to pass.
I am watching him, watching her. It is strange, I think, that history is almost repeating itself again. The circumstances are different, and so are the people, but this time, I know what I must do.
"Kent, she will not marry a noble." He blinks, but says nothing as I continue. "She would rot away within castle walls, no matter where the castle is, or who rules in it. When she chooses a husband, I will do what I regret not doing for Madelyn… I will bless their marriage."
He turns and watches me for a moment, as if he finds it hard to believe I am telling the truth. "Forgive me for my forwardness," he says, "but… I do love her."
I find myself breaking into a smile. I can remember when my beloved daughter told me she was in love with Hassar, and how angry I had become at her words… but this… I will not make the same mistake twice, no matter the cost. I know that saying what I am thinking is the right thing…after so many years, I am doing the right thing. "Then go to her," I tell him, and he does not question my words, only glances at her, and then me, and back to her again before he starts walking towards her, his steps hesitant at first before he breaks into a run.
There are a lot of implied things in this one. I chose not to go into a lot of detail on purpose, for once, so forgive me for that. The things that Kent tells Hausen (that he does not tire of watching Lyndis, that he does love her) let him know that his loyal Knight Commander will love his granddaughter and take good care of her, which is why he ultimately tells him to go to her.
Anyway, I hope it was at least something a little different. I'm not used to writing first person POV's anymore, so it was a nice change, I think.
Thank you for reading!