So I was pretty bored, and yeah.. this was the result.
Warning- Extreme Crack, OOCness, and just.. yeah
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor any ideas from the real Check Please.
She sat there waiting (im)patiently for her date to arrive as she slowly ran her fingers through her short pink locks.
She had just moved to New York, and she had already figured out that it was almost impossible to get anywhere on time with the number of people on the streets, but come on the date was scheduled for 6:30 and it was already five minutes past eight.
She silently swore as she stared at her watch. Had she been stood up? No, she couldn't have been. Not that she hadn't been stood up many times before, but not for a blind date. A blind date indicated that whoever it was who was supposedto join her this (not so) lovely evening was just as desperate to meet someone as she was.
"Yo!" Sakura jumped being startled by the man who she guessed was her date.
He was tall and had surprisingly silver hair- not grey but silver. (Hey they already had one thing in common with the peculiar hair colorings and all). He was wearing a mask that covered the bottom half of his face, and Sakura made a mental note to ask about it later (not too soon, she didn't want to be offensive). His hair was positioned in a fashion that covered his right eye, but a bearing of a scar could be seen slightly underneath his hair. He seemed to be considerably older than her, but it was an acceptable difference in her eyes.
All in all, he was overall in good standing in her eyes. She could even overlook his (excruciating) lateness as long as he-
"Sorry I'm late, but I couldn't spot you anywhere."
- didn't make up a dumb excuse.
"I have PINK hair."
Sasuke stared at the blonde sitting across from him who was blabbering away at her cell phone. He let a sigh of frustration as he plopped his oh so perfect face onto his hand continuing to state at his (so called) "date."
He wondered how he had ever gotten himself in this situation. Oh that's right. The dobe convinced him ...or rather bribed him- something about no more ramen nights together or something to that effect. He couldn't be quite sure, he really never listened to the dobe. Honestly, he had only agreed to this in order to get him to shut up. Besides, it couldn't be all that bad, right?
That, of course, was until he had actually went on the blind date. The girl (he hadn't actually learned her name yet) had been on her phone constantly since the date started. That wasn't even the worst part. Worst of all was that she was carrying on a conversation like he wasn't even there.
Which is why he was currently gawking aforementioned blonde who, at this point in time, was rambling about how she was going to "jump his bones" later tonight. What happened to modesty these days anyways?
"And, like, I know what you're thinking, you're like 'oh, I'm soo jealous Ino, you always get the good-looking guys' and yes, I must say I do and this one is to die for." She said unceremoniously as she glanced at Sasuke slowly licking her lips.
Sasuke cleared his throat loudly indicating the (obvious) annoyance he held towards the blonde. Oh right. Ino.
"Oh, I think I better go now. Someone's getting a little jealous and wants more of my attention," Ino giggled, "Bye, love ya mwah, bye."
Now, off of the phone, she turned her attention back to Sasuke oblivious to his glares. "Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?" She asked as she edge her was closer to him intentions glaringly obvious.
"I'm not going to have sex with you."
After the date she experienced last week, she more than ecstatic to find that her date had actually arrived on time. (Okay, so he was like five minutes late, but that could easily be overlooked).
What she couldn't overlook was the immensely flamboyant orange he was wearing. Boy did that guy not have a sense in fashion. Sure he had told her he would wear a bright color so she would be sure to recognize him, but being able to spot someone in a crowd and blinding someone from a mile away were two totally different story.
"OI! SAKURA-CHAN!" He bellowed as he bounced across the small café. 'Okay,' Sakura mused, 'he's loud in more ways than one.'
"Hi, the name's Naruto, right?" She asked questioningly feeling slightly guilty over the uncertainty of her date's name.
"Believe it! But you can call me Naruto-kun!" He replied flashing her a trademark, foxy grin.
She smiled picking up the menu, this was going to be an interesting night. He was adorable, but she only had a half of bottle of Advil left, and she wasn't sure if that was going to last her the night. "I think I'll try the soup- I've heard is the best in town. You?"
"Nope, not me. I only have one love when it comes to food. It's the most awesome rock-your-socks food ever!"
"And that would be?" She asked questioningly, slightly intrigued, as the waitress made her way over to their table.
"Ramen please!" He chirped to the waitress
Around ten minutes later, Sakura had managed to actually enjoy herself. It seemed the more she was around the boisterous blonde, the more he grew on her. Granted she would definitely make a stop by the corner drug store on the way back to her apartment.
But then, the food arrived.
"What...?" Naruto looked confused as he stared at the bowl placed in front of him. He continued to stare, looking more and more like someone had slapped him in the face as the moments passed.
Sakura, the ever so clever one, immediately figured out the cause of her florescent date's dismay. The waitress had simply mixed their order up, and Naruto was currently staring at her soup. "She just.."
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY RAMEN!?!" Naruto screeched, making a great scene of standing up and slamming his fist unreasonably hard into the table.
Thus causing the (extremely ungraceful) waitress to lose balance and topple over, and to Sakura's (horrid) luck, throw Naruto's true meal into the air which of course just had to land on top of her head.
"...Naruto...?" She spat out through her grinded molars.
"Yes?" He replied weakly fully aware of the commotion he just caused.
"Ramen definitely does not rock my socks."
Needless to say, Naruto was afraid, very afraid.
Sasuke continued to examine his new date as he had for the past fifteen minutes.
His date wore their hair up in two (messy) buns- a peculiar, but not convincing hairstyle. Facial features were moderately delicate and feminine, but rather inset and masculine at the same time. No trace of the slightest make-up could be seen. Posture was extremely poor, and most definitely unlady like therefore adding to his own suspicions. Name, Tenten, gave no indication to him whatsoever. Clothing choice included very baggy cargo pants and particularly loose t-shirt that showed no indication of a chest (not that he was the type to stare at his date's chests; he just ah... needed a little convincing).
He drew back resigned, realizing he was getting himself no where. He, without a doubt, knew that if he did not say anything, he would still be debating the same issue he had since his date sat down.
How to put it. He started to open his mouth to speak, but stopped abruptly causing his date to stare ever the more quizzically at him.
After several moments of inner struggle not producing any better ideas, he began to speak slowly. "You are a girl... right?"
The air tensed. Several awkward moments passed as shock set in and realization struck the now thoroughly pissed (and rightfully so) Tenten. She curtly got up and made her way over to Sasuke before slapping him as hard as she possibly could and continuing to stomp off muttering curses under her breath. A bright red hand mark seared the Uchiha's perfect cheek.
Needless to say, Sasuke no longer held any doubt to the sex of his date. "So my suspicions were correct."
Sakura sat in dread hoping, no prayingto Kami that the man who stood across the café screaming declarations of love and celebrations of youth was indeed not her date.
"YOSH! I WILL PROVE MY WORTHINESS TO MY YOUTHFUL DATE!"
And oh god, now everyonewas staring (granted it was more at him but still).
"-AND IF I CAN'T, I WILL RUN 100 LAPS AROUND NEW YORK SO I CAN PROVE MY LOVE TO THIS FINE CHERRY BLOSSOM OF YOUTH!"
This was going to be a long night.
Sasuke mused as he stared at the rather small and frail girls standing in front of him noting that she was obviously nervous. (that or she always looked like she was going to faint- maybe she didn't eat enough).
"H-He-Hello." She whispered so lightly that even he had a hard time hearing.
He was rather impressed by this girl. It didn't look like this date was going to be that bad. She was quiet and humble (by far better than that Ino girl) and he could definitely tell she was a girl (honestly, how was hesupposedto know that Tenten was a girl-she dressed like a boy, she talked like a boy, she definitely hit like a boy- not that he would admit that. After all he was a Uchiha).
"Hi there." He said quickly flashing the undeniably sexy Uchiha smirk that made girls melt at his whim.
The small girl promptly turned eight shades of red before quickly hitting the ground unconsious.
Okay, so maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
Sakura couldn't help but notice how progressively worse her dates had been getting. She also couldn't help but gawk at the "date" sitting in front of her.
Okay, so she said she wanted a little more "mature" than her previous date(s), but she didn't exactly mean the way this guy was mature.
He was atleast in his 50s and was no doubt old enough to be her grandfather (not to mention that his hair was white, not silver like her first date, but white- and also unlike her first date, this was not an acceptable age difference).
And she couldn't even say that her date was more "mature" than her last one either. Sure, he had been on time, had yet to cause ramen to land on her head, and hadn't began to scream declarations of undying love, but she couldn't help but think he had spent the last 15 minutes of introductions trying to stare down her shirt.
But now she wasn't gawking at her date for the reasons above; she was gawking more at the contract that he had placed in front of her stating that all the "events" of the night (oh like there was really going to be any events pervert) were fair for his use of inspiration for his book and that he could not be held liable for any "publicity" she would attain from tonight's date. [Apparently he wrote some kind of book- porn no doubt
"I really need you to sign this. It's just a technicality, but after you do I'm sure we will be able to get to know each other much better," he said slyly with a suggestive grin.
"Oh, I'm sure we will have no trouble getting to know each other," Sakura replied with an even more suggestive tone.
Jiraiya instinctively began to make his move at the (provocative) tone of her voice-
Shutting his eyes hadn't been such a good idea"
-"Jiraiya... MEET MY FIST!"
Sasuke couldn't help but notice how successively shorter his (horrendous) dates had been getting, and by the looks of it, it didn't seem that this date was going to last any longer.
His date, by the looks of it, looked like a prostitute. She wore her hair up in four distinctive pony tails, and wore a low cut top and a very short skirt.
But what really sealed the deal was... the fishnet stockings.
He refused to be seen in public with a 'working girl' such as this.
"I'm sorry but I don't associate with whores." He said bluntly with disdain in his voice. How could Naruto dare set him up with one of these types. Did he even know what this could do to his reputation?
Sasuke had thought that Tenten had hit hard.
Sakura had had enough.
Sasuke had had more than enough (seriously, he had been punched twice by "questionable" -in two very different ways- girls).
Sakura stomped her way to the door. This was the last time she let Ino set her up with ANYONE.
Sasuke made his way to the door briskly (not stomping- again Uchiha). The dobe was dead.
"Hey watch where you're goi- oh, I'm sorry"
"I've just had a ... really bad string of dates. I guess I was really thinking about where I was going."
"Tell me about it."
"You wouldn't by chance know the meaning of punctual would you?" Sakura asked inching a little closer.
"You wouldn't happen to not hold any tomboyish qualities would you?" Sasuke said reciprocating Sakura's inching.
"Of course not, and you don't own any green spandex, right?"
"Hn, and you don't own any fishnet stockings?"
"Not unless you want me too. You aren't some kind of closet pervert right?"
"No. You aren't some kind of 'lady of the night', I suppose?"
"Would you like to catch a movie?" Sasuke asked offering her his arm.
"Of course." She replied by taking his arm.
I don't even know what to say about this work or art [not