No More Tears
Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley
Warnings: Sexual content
Summary: Jacob is killed in the fight. Edward comforts Bella.
A/N: Written for my lover100 claim number 044. Death
It hurt. The pain hurt more than I could ever imagine. Standing there, staring at the headstone, made it seem all the more real. Jacob was gone. He had made a stupid mistake in the fight. A stupid mistake, after he had promised to return to me. How dare he? Didn't he give a damn about me?
I got up from my crouching position and began to gather the cards that had been left with the flowers by the grave. Some were elaborate sentiments of sorrow; some were more simple expressions of love. Every single one choked me, and I felt a tear roll down my face as I remembered the best friend I had fallen for. I never thought it would end this way.
The wind howled around me, echoing my frustrations. What would happen now? I didn't know anymore. Or maybe I just didn't care. I had lost all hope while I watched the coffin being lowered into the ground. I still had Edward, that much I sure of, but Jacob had taken a part of me with him when he died. A part that I wasn't sure I would ever get back.
I stuffed the cards into my pocket and picked up the dead flowers. The cold had crept through them, strangling the life out of them, as the cold hands of death had strangled Jacob. I crushed them into dust and scattered it around the grave.
I heard a movement behind me, and turned to see Edward standing a foot behind me, his golden eyes were full of sadness. Mine were red and puffy from crying. We were both suffering.
I turned back to the grave and crouched down again, rearranging the remaining flowers and fighting to keep the tears away. The pain in his eyes stabbed like a knife through my heart.
"Bella." I felt his hand on my shoulder. He squeezed lightly, trying to be reassuring. A spark of electricity shot through me, the way it always did when he touched or looked at me in a certain way. How inappropriate, Bella, I thought to myself, that could I react to him in such a way at that moment.
I turned and looked at him. Edward stood above me, the full moon lighting his pained face.
"Bella, it's going to rain."
I shrugged and turned back to the gravestone. "Jacob always liked the rain."
"Yeah," my voice cracked slightly.
"I never knew that."
The wind blew harder and I shivered; my clothes not protecting me from the icy bite of the cold. He moved to shelter me from the wind. Neither of us spoke; the silence was somehow comforting to us both. Even though it had been weeks since the funeral, Edward knew that I felt the pain as freshly as he did.
I felt my heart lurch and I let out a strangled sob. He looked up from where he staring and reached out, wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
"No more tears, Bella," he whispered. It was a promise I'd made to made to him before coming out here.
I turned and stared at him. I sniffed as he caressed my cheek lightly. He could ward off the sobs when I was strong; stop them from falling when I laughed. But when I cried...I knew I broke his heart all over again and he couldn't fight the truth. The truth, that he too had felt something when Jacob died, even though they were natural enemies, Edward couldn't deny the pain of losing the one person who had kept me alive and safe when he couldn't. I felt the sobs tear through his chest as I struggled to keep a hold on myself.
"I'm sorry, Edward," I said, running my fingers over his face. My touch made him shiver, and he stood perfectly still, savouring the light caress of my fingertips. I wasn't looking at him; I was watching the movements of my fingers, silent tears still running down my cheeks.
An owl screeched overhead and pulled me from my reverie. I blushed and pulled my hand away, dipping my head and staring at the ground, avoiding his eyes. He didn't move, still mesmerised by the lingering feel of my touch on his skin.
"Are you alright?" he asked, after a moment, breaking the silence enveloping us.
I turned back to the headstone. "I'm not sure."
My head jerked up when I felt his hand close around mine. He squeezed my fingers, and I gripped his hand, grateful for the comfort. He raised my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. I turned to him and raised my other hand to his cheek, moving closer to him, my body almost touching his, and leaned in, kissing him on the cheek.
Though my actions caught him off guard, Edward turned, his hand still clutching mine tightly, and kissed me gently on the lips. I responded instantly, my body melting into his. I moved my hand to his neck, up into his hair, and caressed his scalp. He kissed me harder, pushing his tongue past my soft lips and running it over my teeth. Our hands separated as I ran my fingers over his arms delicately, and I pushed myself closer to him, wanting to feel every inch of my body touching his. I let his hands wander over the curve of my back and down to my backside, my heart jumped as I moaned at his touch.
A clap of thunder signalled the start of the storm, but he didn't pull away. Edward ran his lips down my neck, and I threw my head back, his kisses burning my skin. I pushed my hands under his jacket, urgently clawing at the clothes underneath, my desperation evident.
His coat fell to the ground and I pulled his shirt from the waistband of his jeans, my hands working to get the buttons undone. My coat fell to join his, and we both struggled with the buttons as the heavens opened and rained down on. In an instant we were both soaked, our shirts suddenly clinging to every curve. Edward's shirt outlined every angle of his body and I glued my eyes to him, my hands no longer working as fast as they had been. He reached out, finally undoing the last button on my blouse.
He pushed it open and sucked in a shaky breath when he saw me standing before him in a wet, white bra that clung to my hardened nipples. He trailed his eyes over my breasts; the lace of the bra was not concealing anything.
I blushed and he pulled my blouse off, throwing it to the ground. Then pulled his own shirt over his head; giving up on the buttons. Somewhere in the back of my mind, as he trailed his lips down the length of my neck, stopping only to lick at the droplets of water that had gathered on skin, did it register where we were and what we were doing. But my thoughts were soon forgotten when, he pulled back the fabric of my bra and sucked on my nipple tenderly. I ground my hips into his, and he groaned quietly. The feel of his lips on my skin was hypnotic, as were the sounds he was making. I didn't want either to ever stop. I couldn't suppress the moan that rose from inside of me, acutely aware of the stirring between my legs.
I rubbed my hands across Edward's back as he snapped open my bra and rained kisses over my freed breasts. His lips worked with his hands to arouse me, and he groaned as I struggled desperately with his belt, my hand jostling his erection in a frantic attempt to touch him. I had never imagined that I would feel such passion and yearning, but every touch made me want to forget the world and cling to him forever.
I moved to kneel before him, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down with his boxers. Edward squeezed his eyes shut as I reached and touched him timidly, my tiny hands stroking him. He suddenly knelt down to face me, taking my hands from him and looking at me. My hair was drenched and glued flat to my head, and my exposed breasts were covered in tiny goose bumps, although I didn't shiver. I looked at him questioningly. His eyes were clouded with desire.
"Bella, love, I think we need to stop." Edward held onto my hands, kissing them repeatedly to reassure me that it wasn't what he really wanted.
"I…" I paused, not sure what I was trying to say, but knowing desperately that I needed to say it. We couldn't stop now, not when so much hung in the balance. Every day, every waking moment, and every restless night, I saw him being taken from me; in the same way Jacob had been taken. I needed to possess him and never let go. But I couldn't say it. My eyes filled with tears again.
Edward pulled me to him as I started to cry all over again. My body, cradled in his arms, shook as he stroked my bare back.
"Shh, Bella...I'm sorry."
"No," I snapped, shaking my head against him.
"What?" he asked, confused at my sudden outburst.
"Don't be sorry. All this hurt, all this pain…you made it go away, for just one moment."
The rain was still pouring, and as I looked up at him, my face wet with tears and raindrops, Edward's face was calculating. My eyes were begging him to take me, and I knew without a doubt that he understood what I meant. He always could read my eyes. The deep brown pools were asking him to show me something good and pure and human. And I knew he needed it as much as I did. To forget the pain and suffering, even for only a moment, and remind ourselves of the love that we had harboured for each other for so long.
As Edward laid me back on the cold, hard, wet ground, I felt relief wash over me. I was so afraid that he would stop, that he would say it was all a mistake. I shivered as I felt his lips running over my breasts and down to my stomach. When he reached the waistband of my jeans he looked up at me. Our eyes locked and I felt a sudden ache between my thighs in anticipation. Just one look could arouse me in a way I'd never felt before, and I could see the love and pain mixed in his dark eyes. Would this make it better? I didn't know. But what I did know was that this was meant to be and nothing could stop me wanting his touch.
Edward unzipped my jeans and pulled them off with my underwear. We were both naked now, and the rain still poured down on, albeit lighter than before. Our bodies, wet, glistened in the moonlight. He climbed up my body and kissed me fiercely, the passion overtaking me as he pressed against me. I responded with equal fervour, my hands roaming his body. I pressed my hips against his, arching my back, making us both gasp. I could feel the ache inside me, the desire overwhelming me, and I knew he felt it too.
He let his hand trail my body, cupping one breast, and then lower, past my stomach. His hands were softer than I imagined they would be. I thought they would be cold and hard, but they were soft and gentle, delicately exploring and teasing my skin, sending sparks through my entire body. His mouth and tongue by comparison were rougher, desperately possessing my mouth. My need was stronger than anything I had ever felt before.
When his hands reached my centre, I arched involuntarily, a moan escaping me, before his lips, once again captured mine quickly, and silenced it. Edward's hands explored me, his fingers sliding in easily and his thumb rubbing over my clit. I pushed myself against his fingers, thrusting, I squeezed my eyes shut as sensation washed over me. As his hands worked, his lips trailed to meet them and his cold tongue danced in circles over my heated flesh.
I moaned repeatedly, the touch of Edward's fingers causing me to writhe as I felt an overwhelming craving cascade over my body. My longing was clouding my senses, and not for the first time that night, I felt the tears sting my eyes. I choked, letting out a sob as a wave of guilt hit me like a punch in the stomach. My mind was telling me to stop him, but my body betrayed my completely.
Edward stopped suddenly and looked up. He saw the tears rolling down my cheeks. He crawled up and stroked my hair, a sob of his own building inside in his chest. I cried, my tears flowing freely as he pulled me to him, and kissed me breathlessly, my hands clutched at his arms desperately. I kissed him back, frantically, trying to stop the tears, trying to make myself feel something more than pain.
I pulled away from him for a moment to catch my breath.
"I love you, Bella," he said. "When Jacob died…" he started, continuing to stroke her hair.
I whimpered at his name and Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead soothingly. I was wet from the rain and he glanced up at the sky, noticing that the rain had subsided for the moment.
"When Jacob died, I thought that was it. I didn't think you would ever feel the same again. He took a part of you with him when he left..." My tears began to fall quietly. "I felt like I was living in darkness. The one light in my life is you, Bella. When I see you I realize that not everything in this world is dark. I love you so much it hurts."
I reached up and pulled his head to me, kissing him soundly, desperately trying to reach into the soul I knew was there. His words meant everything to me. After a moment I pulled away.
"I love you too. I've tried not to. But I can't help it. The guilt stabs at my heart every day. Like I shouldn't feel such warmth when I look at you, it's not right…not after I realized how much I love Jacob as well. The problem is though, is that I love you more."
I reached up and pulled him to me again, this time knowing that I would never let go. His kisses were passionate and rough, bruising my lips and shaking me to the core. This was our moment. The rest would come later.
Edward's hand slipped between my legs as he kissed me. He knew, as well as I did, the desperate need for completion that we both felt. We were both so broken. I arched against him and he slid a finger inside me, feeling my warmth and how wet I was.
I clutched at his arms. I felt like I was hanging on for dear life, maybe I was. I was panting uncontrollably, slow moans escaping my lips, his touch causing me to writhe beneath him. He moved to hover over me, he kissed my breast and sucked on my soft skin. I pulled him closer and wrapped my legs around his waist.
Edward pushed into me slowly at first, then held still when his entire length was sheathed within me. The feeling was overwhelming, the sense of completion I felt. He thrust against me, plunging deep and filling me with everything he had. My eyes closed and I bit down on my lip to stop from crying out.
"Bella, open your eyes," he whispered, kissing my ear and down my neck. My eyes flew open and locked with his. He thrust into me harder as I lifted my hips to meet his.
My moans grew louder, my eyes widening as I neared my release. Quiet tears rolled gently down my face as the sensations built inside me. My eyes were still locked with his as I felt myself reach my climax, my head thrashed slightly as Edward pushed me over the edge. I muttered his name over and over as I came, my hands raking through his bronze hair and my lips kissing him repeatedly between mumbled whispers. Edward followed, allowing himself to feel his orgasm completely, and shuddering as it coursed through his body.
Our eyes remained locked as our breathing returned to normal. We were both trembling. Edward slid beside me, kissing me softly and letting his hand caress my breast, not wanting the moment to end.
"You're trembling," he murmured, sucking in a sharp breath as I placed my hand on him unexpectedly.
"I'll be alright." My voice was silky and husky at the same time. The desire had not been satiated in that one act. Neither had the pain.
"Everything is going to be okay, Bella," he said, reaching for me and kissing my forehead.
"Do you really think so?"
"Yes, I do." He smiled gently for the first time, his eyes lighting and making me smile, too.
A clap of thunder signalled the start of the rain again. It was then that we suddenly became aware of our surroundings, and Edward sprung to his feet in haste. I noticed as a feeling of guilt overcame him as he glanced at the graves surrounding us. And just a metre away, the place where we had buried Jacob just weeks ago. He gathered up his clothes, putting them on, not looking at me, as I rose to my feet and attempted to retrieve my own clothes.
"We have to leave now, Bella," he said, walking hastily towards the exit.
"Wait, slow down," I cried, grabbing his arm and turning him towards me. "I know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, but it's okay."
"Is it? I don't think it is, Bella, I really don't. We let ourselves get carried away. I'm angry with myself for letting that happen at all, let alone here, of all places."
I watched him. His face was hard from his anger; yet I'd never seen him so beautiful, the raindrops bouncing from his chest, his white shirt clinging to his body, it sent a shiver through me. Everything about the moment was perfect, in some kind of strange messed up way, and I moved to him, taking one of his hands in mine and squeezing it tightly.
"Don't ever apologise for that. We both needed it." I paused, running the palm of my hand gently over his cheek, knowing that he understood. "Maybe now the process of healing can begin. I love you, Edward, and no matter what, we'll always have that."
My words seemed to pull him from his pain, his body relaxed as I turned, pulling him with me, toward the light of the dawn and, hopefully, to salvation.