Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII is the property of Square-Enix. No profit is sought from this work.

Caution: Contains high levels of crack. Apologies to those who have seen this before on Mediaminer or LJ.

The Quarrel

Scene: The Barracks, late one night.
Event: A SOLDIER bedroom fight
Between the spiky-headed Zack
And the General, dressed in black.

Sephy quickly locked the door
And threw his Second on the floor.
In a jiffy Zack was nude
And striking poses wild and lewd.

Sephy pinned him to the mat
And planned to enter him like that.
He shucked his pants and thanked his luck
That he had someone cute to fuck.

Tonight was different, though, to Zack
Who hated lying on his back.
The same with being on his side,
And any pose that Seph could ride.

You see, Seph was just too content
To pound away till he was spent
Without a thought to touch or tease,
Or any extra thing to please.

So just as Seph prepared to thrust,
And nail Zack's ass with mighty lust,
Zack sat up and shouted, "Stop!
This time, Seph, I want the top!"

Seph froze, halting in mid-grind
And said, "Zack, have you lost your mind?
I'm taller so it's plain to see
The only seme here is me."

"Seph, I'm young but I'm no fool,
You can't catch me with that old rule.
If you want to fuck me flat,
You'll need a better line than that."

Sephy frowned and took a stand.
He meant to keep the upper hand.
"I'm the General here," he said.
"So I'm the leading man in bed."

Zack was clearly not impressed.
He actually started getting dressed.
"So you've got some rank to pull.
That's still an utter load of bull."

He snorted once and grabbed his pants,
Ignoring Sephy's fighting stance.
"It's shameful that you'd pull your rank
Then treat me like a two-gil skank."

"Rank is not the point," Seph said,
"I'll tell you why I top in bed.
I'm the best at what I do.
It's big and I can use it too."

Zack threw his hands up to the sky
And mouthed one word at Heaven – Why?
"Seph, it's not your sword," he said,
"It's about your moves in bed."

That was sure to make Seph mad,
You don't tell him his skills are bad,
But Zack had never been the kind
To hold back what was on his mind.

"Sure, your skills impress the suits
And all the starry-eyed recruits
But in the bed, I'm sad to say,
Sephy, you're a lousy lay."

"Zack, that is one boldfaced lie
And I have proof to tell you why:
Every night you're on my floor,
Begging loud and hard for more."

"That's just because you drag me here
And don't wear any underwear."
Zack pounced upon the chance to vent
And gathered more steam as he went.

"I keep hoping you'll improve
And use your tongue or some new move,
But all you do is ream my ass.
Your fucking lacks both style and class.

"It's like you don't know what to do.
Who the hell taught you to screw?
I'm not just some warm, wet hole
For you to stick your pleasure pole."

Seph made a face and clutched his head,
And staggered over to his bed.
"Alright, Zack, I'll play your games,
But please don't use those stupid names."

Zack sighed and moved to take a seat
Near the Silver General's feet.
He ventured next to say some more,
A little calmer than before.

"Foreplay's not a made up word
It's not unmanly or absurd.
Sometimes I want a little more.
I'm your lover, not your whore."

"Zack," Seph said, "I didn't know.
Angeal said you were a ho.
I didn't think that you'd want more
Than random fucking on the floor."

He sat back and looked contrite.
"Zack, I'll try to make this right.
Why don't you tell me what to do?
I swear I'll make it good for you."

Zack gave Seph a little smile
Full of cheer and free of guile.
"There are some things that we could do
To make things better for you too."

For hours they shared their tricks and tips
About massage and leather whips,
Where to touch and what felt right
And what size condom was too tight.

All the while Seph's interest grew
(His penis did some growing too).
When Zack began to demonstrate,
Seph realized he could not wait.

"Zack," he cried, "I want you now!"
"Fine by me," said Zack, "But how?"
His smirk made Seph concede. "All right.
You can have the top tonight."

"Sure thing, Sir, if you insist."
He pounced and Seph did not resist.
Then Zack, with his trademark smile,
Rode that bitch Gongagan style.

The next day Seph could not complain;
He liked that kind of lingering pain.
He kissed Zack's nipple just to tease.
"Top me anytime you please."

Despite their kinky bedroom game,
Outwardly, things are the same.
Zack may be the king in bed
But Sephy still gives better head.