Love; Lost and Found

A Young American- story

By: jakeline

Summary: Jake/Jacqueline never told Hamilton her secret. Now they meet again 10 years later. How will Jacqueline tell Hamilton that Jake never really existed and that she was the boy he fell in love with?

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the plot from 'Young Americans', but this story and the poem are my own.

Chapter 1: Bittersweet memories

A laugh floated over the bar. A laugh that reminded him so much of someone he used to know. Someone he hadn't let himself think about for many years. An image of a boy on a motorcycle flickered before his eyes. Jake. They had been best friends through high school. One night had changed it all. Hamilton shook the memory away. It was too painful.

Hamilton Fleming was in London for a photo shoot. For the past five years he had been traveling the world as a freelance photographer. He knew he was good. All the major magazines were screaming for him, but he was not ready to settle down for just one magazine yet. He was content with the life he led at the moment. It was filled with glamour, charity events, cocktail parties and gorgeous girls. He was in the top ten of America's most wanted bachelors. But Hamilton stayed single. He was still looking for that one. He knew she was out there somewhere.

-xXx-

"Ham?" Hamilton looked up. Scout smiled. "A penny for your thoughts."

Hamilton flashed him his famous crooked smile. "Sorry Scout, ghosts from the past." Scout raised an eyebrow questioningly but said nothing. "It's nothing."

"OK." Scout took another sip of his beer.

The laugh was still in Hamilton's head when he went back to his hotel that night. It couldn't be him. What would Jake be doing in London of all places? Hamilton had not heard from him since that last night at Rawley. The only thing he had left of Jake was the note he had left on his nightstand before he left. The note still puzzled Hamilton. Something was not right.

.::Flashback::.

"I think I'm in love with you, Jake," Hamilton whispered as they left the prom. Jake just looked at him with a peculiar face. For some time now Hamilton had felt that there was something Jake kept from him, he just couldn't figure out what it was. Their relationship had been a bit tense for the last few weeks. Hamilton had realized he loved Jake. Against his own will. He was afraid of being gay. He couldn't let Jake know until he was completely sure and now the time had come. He followed Jake to his room that night. As they sat down on Jake's bed Jake turned to him.

"Did you really mean what you said before? That about you loving me?"

"Of course I did," Hamilton answered and leaned closer.

"How can you say that?! I… I'm not gay!" Jake was upset and Hamilton did not understand why.

During their time at Rawley Jake had never had any girls, or boys for that matter. Hamilton had been certain Jake felt the same, but now he wasn't as sure.

"It is not like I planned it!" Hamilton defended himself. "I didn't choose to fall in love with you." He looked at Jake with pleading eyes.

"So you love me against your will?" Jake asked with tears swelling in his beautiful hazel eyes. Hamilton had never seen Jake cry and it broke his heart to see those tears now. He wanted Jake to be happy and to say that he loved him too.

"Yes, you could say that," Hamilton said. He raised a hand in attempt to wipe away a tear that was rolling down Jake's cheek but Jake pushed his hand away.

"I can't do this," Jake said. "There is no way in hell I would want someone to love me against his or hers will. Don't you see?"

"Fine, whatever! I don't care!" Hamilton answered angrily. He was to go from this room with some dignity left. He could not say anything to Jake now without hurting him. Jake's tears were slipping down his cheeks.

"I can't do this, I have to leave," Jake said quietly. "I can't stay here," he continued.

"No, don't, I'm sorry," Hamilton said and put a hand on his arm, he regretted the harsh words. "Stay with me tonight." He did not want the night to end like this. Just one night…

"Give me one good reason why I should stay with you. You who love me against your will."

"Just for tonight, then you can leave." Hamilton was not used to beg and now he didn't know why he did it. No, he knew, he did not want to lose Jake.

Jake looked at him intensely with his hazel eyes. It was as if he tried to figure out what Hamilton was thinking. His eyes made Hamilton feel guilty.

"OK," Jake finally said. "But no touching, OK? Just sleeping."

"Fine," Hamilton answered.

They fell asleep next to each other, Hamilton with one arm around Jake. But when he woke up in the morning Jake was gone. All he found was a note with a peculiar poem and it left Hamilton quite puzzled.

This is goodbye

Your wish is granted

I'll take my leave

Goodbye forever, sweet memories

and dreams of what could have been

but never will…

Mark my word

I never said I was a nice person

You didn't listen

I'm sorry that I let you down

I'm sorry I overreacted

But that is was I do

When I like someone more than what is proper.

I hope one day

I'll be the center of some boy's universe

I bid you, Goodbye.

.::End Flashback::.

Hamilton woke up bathing in sweat. The memory had been so clear, like he had been there once again. He hadn't heard from Jake since. He had often wondered what had happened to him, after a while he stopped and tried to forget him instead. It happened that he sometimes looked at the photos he had taken of Jake. Especially the first one when Jake first arrived at Rawley. He still couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. Hamilton drew a long breath and thought it best not to dwell on the past. I could not have been Jake in the bar. It was impossible. Or was it? He was not sure. He had told Scout he was going to meet him for breakfast. Scout was in London with the law firm he was working with, and Will was going to catch up with them later that week.

Will was now a successful writer. He and Bella had found each other again after high school, but Hamilton suspected Will always had had a crush on her, and she on him. They had always been the best of friends and the step towards loving each other was not big. All their friends were just waiting for them to get married, but still they had not set a date. Bella was running the gas station in New Rawley. Will was coming to London to do some research for his new book

They all tried to find time to meet when they could. The only one missing from the former 'fab five' was Jake. Hamilton had never told the others of what had happened that night, and no one dared to ask.

-xXx-

Jacqueline woke up with a moan. Her head was aching from the night before. The team from her latest model shoot had been out celebrating that it had gone so well. Jacqueline Pratt had paid her way through college by doing some modeling, when she was finished she was one of the top models in America. She was now thinking of staring up her own business in building websites and other computer related things.

She was tired of the life as a model. She had one job left in London and then she would go back to the States to start up her business. She was now 28 and it was time to settle down. Just this one shoot, she reminded herself. The only thing she knew about this shoot was that the photographer was very good and had worked with all the major magazines over the world. The work she had seen had been fabulous and she was looking forward to work with him.

She had been preoccupied since she left Rawley and never thought of it anymore. That last night had hurt her so much. Bella Banks was the only one who had seen through the disguise, and she knew her secret was safe with Bella. Bella was also the only one she kept in contact with. They did not talk about Hamilton at all, though Jacqueline had told her what had happened. She was happy that Will and Bella had finally got it together. She envied them. She had once thought that was going to happen with her and Hamilton, but Jacqueline had never had the courage to tell him her secret.

That last night was engraved in her memory. He had said the words she had been longing to hear, but he had also said that he loved her against his will, against his being. She could not tell him then, not after what he had said. She had left that night and never looked back. No, that was not the whole truth. She had been looking back. She had been dreaming of that night for over a year afterwards. She couldn't understand why she started thinking of him now. His radiant blue eyes flashed before her. She sighed. Just the memory of them made her heart skip a beat.

-xXx-

He came early to the shoot. He wanted to catch a glimpse of the famous Jacqueline before she saw him. Just so that he could start thinking of how he wanted the picture. And there she was. Beautiful creature. During his career as a photographer he had not seen anyone like her. He knew right away how he wanted her. He could see it before him. This was going to be the best shoot ever. The dark curly hair, her slender body, those hazel eyes… Hamilton knew right away that this was the girl he had been waiting for. As she turned fully towards him it was as if someone had stabbed him in the heart. Jake! Hamilton quickly turned away. He did not see that Jacqueline's reaction was quite similar to his own.

-xXx-

Oh my freaking god! Hamilton is the photographer! God! I hope he doesn't recognize me! The thoughts rummaged through Jacqueline's brain. She was shocked to see him there. He looked as gorgeous as ever. Seeing his reaction he must have recognized her or, rather, Jake. But she looked different now. Her hair was all grown out and she wore it all mess up with hairpins that drew the wild curls from her face. There was no way he would see her as Jake. It had been 10 years, she reassured herself. She was Jacqueline, top model. Not the insecure teenager that craved her mother's attention, so eager that she dressed up in boy's clothes. She could face Hamilton. She might even be able to tell him the truth if he mentioned her resemblance to Jake. He still had the same effect on her. She felt drawn to him as a bee to honey.

-TBC-

I actually found the beginning for this in an old notebook of mine. Hope you like it... Reviews are always welcome!