A/N: (Sob) I'm going to miss this story… But this is the last chapter. I had so much fun writing it, and that was mostly because of all the beautiful reviews. You guys are the best! Anyway, this is not only he last chapter, it's also the one that all of you have waited for…
5: What If Leaving Is A Loving Thing?
That wasn't the last time Adam and Lawrence slept in the same bed.
It was far from the last.
It actually became somewhat of a routine. It didn't take the hospital staff long to realize that it was downright impossible to keep them away from each other, and after about a week, they gave Adam a toxic glance when he swept the blankets aside and said he was going to Lawrence for a minute, but they didn't try to stop him. Plus, he got better pretty quickly. Even Lawrence, who was a doctor and had big troubles admitting that everything didn't have a logical explanation, used to say that it was because Adam was so damn stubborn. And he really loved him for it. It was Adam's visits, and the getting to see how he did better, both physically and mentally every day, that got him through the hospital staying.
But the nights were still the best.
Mostly because it was so easy for them to be there for each other then. It was then that they both needed help more than ever, even though it was in completely different ways.
Lawrence got filled with despair. When no doctors or nurses could keep his mind from them, the memories returned. It was at night that he remembered the fear and the pain, it was at night that he just had to squint to see the hospital room turn into the bathroom.
At night, he pressed his hands against his ears to block out Adam's screams and Allison's voice that crackled in he cell phone: "You failed."
At night, the scar around his ankle was torn open, at night he could feel the teeth of the saw gnaw over his skin.
Lawrence remembered at night.
And as he remembered, Adam was one floor beneath him, and he was terrified.
Not of the memories, but… Of something unknown. Since the bathroom, he was afraid of the dark, and he had to gather up all the courage he had to pull the blanket down from his head, get up on shaking knees and walk up to Lawrence's room.
They usually didn't talk when Adam walked in, since Lawrence knew that Adam hated himself for actually admitting that he needed help. More than anything, Adam wanted to pretend that he wasn't there at all, he just sneaked up to Lawrence's bedside, said a clipped "Move," and crawled down next to him. Ad then they laid there, closer to each other by every night, breathed together, with Lawrence's arm around Adam's waist. And Lawrence stopped remembering and lived in the present, lived with Adam, and Adam stopped being afraid. In a weird way, it felt like no Jigsaw, no monsters could reach him, as if Lawrence's arm around his waist was a shield against everything that could hurt him.
It was times like that that Adam knew he'd be able to keep the promise he gave to God that awful, awful moment in the bathroom, when it was dark and cold and humid, when blood seeped out between his teeth and not even Lawrence's calming voice was there to comfort him, and he'd seen the toilet lid fly through the air and hit the door.
"Let me make it out of this bathroom, and I'll never, never ever, take life for granted again."
He knew it was the truth. Sure, Jigsaw had scarred him for life, he'd never be able to sleep without one light turned on again, but it really didn't matter. Because he discovered that he got a little happier every day. He was still sarcastic, and his sense of humor was a little twisted, but he was happier. And he also knew that most of the things he whined about in his life, he could fix on his own. He could find a new apartment and a real job, and even though he'd never be grateful for that he was put in that bathroom, he could almost be eager to get out into the real world now days.
But the main reason to that both Adam and Lawrence were happier now, was of course each other.
Even Jigsaw, who probably understood love worse than anyone else in the world, would say that it was obvious.
Adam and Lawrence would be friends for the rest of their lives. It was a fact.
And they would never take it for granted.
Lawrence was in his hospital bed, looking at the clock.
Adam should be here soon. He usually showed up around three, didn't he?
God, he was ridiculous. It had been twelve hours since he last met Adam, he couldn't be worried already. You should probably take some things for granted, after all, like the fact that Adam most lightly hadn't died from an infection during these hours. He'd seen how good Adam was doing, he didn't even need that bandage on his shoulder anymore…
Lawrence thoughts were cut off by the door that was opened, and Adam got into the room, looking happier than Lawrence had ever seen him. Lawrence couldn't help but grinning like a fool when he saw the broad smile on Adam's face.
"What's with the smile?" He asked and sat up.
"I got discharged today," Adam said, still smiling. "I'm taking off now, I just wanted to say goodbye."
Lawrence's smile faded away a little at these words.
He knew he should be happy for Adam. And he was, of course, but the selfish part of him whispered in his mind: "Who's going to paw into my room now at night now, who's going to sleep in my bed? Who's going to… Comfort me?"
"That's… Great," he said and cleared his throat. "I men… You'll get by on your own, won't you?"
Adam laughed softly.
"I hope you know that the fact that you had to ask just wrecked my entire self-confidence."
"God, you're whining."
Adam's smile faded away, too.
"To be honest, I'm more worried about you."
"No, no, don't be. I have Allison and Diana, they come here almost as much as you do by now."
There was a short pause. Lawrence didn't understand why he felt so miserable. He was going to meet Adam again when he got out, he didn't have to ask to know that. He… He wasn't worried about Adam, was he? He'd just said he got by on his own.
I was just… The idea of Adam, all alone in his apartment, without anyone to talk to when something like this happened. He wouldn't get through it. Even Adam had limits on his stamina.
"Adam…" Lawrence said gently. "Do you really have… No one out there? No one to talk to?"
Adam shrugged and gave him a small smile.
"Not really, I've told you that. But… You're going to get out of here sometime, won't you?"
Lawrence smiled back at him.
"Probably. And there's always… Visiting hours and stuff like that…"
"I know. I'll be here tomorrow, okay? If I just manage to steal a hospital gown, I'll probably be able to get in here without anyone talking back.
"Yeah. But… I'm still going to miss you."
Adam blushed briefly. He wasn't able to let go of all of his pride yet, so he couldn't really take that compliment.
"What are you, a girl?"
"An insanely in love little teenage girl."
Adam laughed and walked up to Lawrence's bedside.
"You mind if I…"
Lawrence shook his head.
"No. Of course not."
Adam shot him another small smile, laid a hand on Lawrence's shoulder, bent down and allowed, so softly and with so many promises of more, their mouths to connect.
Lawrence smiled into their kiss.
It wasn't adultery. It was okay. Because they were together, finally together for real, and it was the first time. They had been together before, but now they really were, all the way, together.
They had both longed for this. And now they were together at last.
So it was okay. And they would do this so many times in the future, so it was all okay. It was even okay for Lawrence to seize the collar of Adam's shirt and keep him for a while, with him, but eventually, they broke apart anyway.
"Jeez, man," Adam said and chuckled softly against Lawrence's lips. "I'm starting to get why Allison fell in love with you."
Lawrence was still smiling.
"Promise me that you come tomorrow."
Adam nodded, still with somewhat flushed cheeks, and raised his hand in a wave before he exited.
He never got to see what happened in Lawrence's room after he left.
Or maybe he knew, on some level, that when the door was shut behind him, Lawrence remained in his bed, traced his lips with the tip of his finger and kept smiling.
Well, there we go. Another completed AdamLawrence to my collection. Many thanks to those who have read and reviewed so far! Hope you do the same with this chapter. See you, my darlings!