Everything you want
A/N: Lyrics on the story from Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want. However, I altered some of those depending on the POV. Help me get through this.
8: Forever in Paradise
Let's start over—I'll try to make it right this time around. It's not over…
I will see you forever…
- Forever, Vertical Horizon
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
- Blind, Lifehouse
For a moment, Sakura was thrown off-balance by Syaoran's outlandish smile and his words sent all her senses reeling.
Yet despite his light tone and the mischievous look in his eyes, Sakura was certain that Syaoran was anxious to see her reaction, and he was, in fact, very serious about his proposition.
She smiled, although she felt like she was going to drop dead with all the tension she was feeling that moment.
And she just realized how she was tempted by his offer…how delightful it would be…
…for them to start all over again…
"Somewhere along the lines of our acquaintance, something went very wrong. Allow me to rectify that," he said with a slight smile meant to comfort.
"Oh, I will be delighted to renew our acquaintance, Mr. Li." She said lightly, her eyes glittering like emeralds on fire, and Syaoran nearly sighed with relief.
"Syaoran. I give you leave to call me by my given name," he said with a dashing smile.
"Oh, didn't it go this way—er…is that…will it be wise to do so, Mr. Li?"
"Gads, your memory is infallible. I hope we get on as well as we did before. But no matter, I will not force you to call me by my name until you are comfortable to do so."
She avoided his eye as they headed towards a table in the far corner of the restaurant and a maître d' ushered them to their seats.
His hand felt warm and oddly possessive, wrapped around her waist as they went. Yet she found she did not mind the least—for it felt like she belonged there, in his arms.
"Didn't that day go with you offering to take me to another place?" She asked shakily, feeling as awkward as she did that first day.
"But you didn't take the offer, remember? Besides, I'm not hell-bent on recreating that day. We…we are really…I want us to really start again. With a clean slate, zero records. No past deeds and misdeeds between us." He gave her a wink before they sat down.
And this time, Sakura's the one mesmerized.
They were dining quietly, bursting to conversation then and now, but Sakura cannot shake the feeling she was having. Like…like it wasn't right, or something.
She stared at Syaoran in fascination. This was a side of him she never saw before—and she suddenly realized why he was tagged dashing and charming, for that was exactly what he had been for the past hour or so. Yet she can't help but feel as if everything was a fake. As if everything was for show. And she couldn't understand it at all.
"What would you like for dessert?" He'd inquired politely. She answered as politely and he turned to the waiter to give their orders.
"Are you okay?" He'd asked maybe a few times or so, but it was as if he wasn't seeing her. Like it was some courtesy he was required to do.
"Will that suffice for you?" He was cautious of everything, that he forgot a little detail—to really have fun. The spark that had been there the moment he joked about the past came and went too swiftly…and everything went downhill since.
Then the date came to an end and she was suddenly disappointed, yet again. She was so familiar with the feeling that it hurt her that she could feel that way after she had dated him…
Yet here was that same feeling she had every time she went home from a date. What went wrong tonight? She wondered. They started out marvelously, but on the whole, she believed it was less than what she expected.
She wanted him to sweep her off her feet, make her feel like a queen. His queen. Not like some fancy doll he's bought and he's afraid her head would fall off if he so much as touched her.
They had arrived at her house, and Syaoran turned off the ignition, yet he did not open the power lock. They sat in silence, Sakura waiting with bated breath.
Syaoran could have kicked himself. Damn it, what went wrong? He went to great lengths to ensure the success of this evening, but it seems like he miscalculated. Everything went from awry to awful in a span of minutes.
They acted like stupid, nervous teenagers on their first date. Well, technically speaking, it was indeed their first date, but…oh, hell. What was he going to do?
He didn't need to be a genius to know that Sakura was very, very disappointed. Damn it all to hell! He can't have her saying all the "let's just be friends" crap, but if he didn't do something, anything…they might just go that way—down the drain. Everything wasted.
Why can't he just be good with words like those pocketbook heroes she'd written about? Why can't he be smooth and suave with the one woman he wanted?
Most of all, why was he sitting there like an idiot instead of kissing her already and be done with it?
And he knew the answer—he was afraid to scare her off for good.
Which was why he behaved rather too pompous earlier. And now she looked like she was about to cry before his very eyes.
Oh, shit. What will I do?
Sakura was caught up in her own thoughts at that moment.
She waited so long for this moment. No, that wasn't right. She didn't wait. She wished…and hoped for some magic, some sort of spark. But there was nothing, nada. And it could've been better…so much better, in her thoughts.
Now she doubts if she'd imagined that she loved him because she was desperate for a relationship.
She wondered if love was overrated, if she was expecting too much out of them both. Maybe she was. Then again, she was always a dreamer…a fool, some would say.
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
She didn't know what to do, but the silence was becoming unbearable—she had to do something, say anything…
He stiffened, turning to her with questioning, worried eyes.
"I…" had a wonderful time, she wanted to say, but the words won't come out. Instead, she blurted out, "I…I…I…I-I…oh, never mind."
Yet she was bursting to say something, anything to remove the bitterness spreading from within, remove the pain of losing even him…
"Go on, tell me."
"Oh, to hell with it. Here goes what I have to say."
"All right. I hated that restaurant and I think everything about tonight was fake—orchestrated, if you know what I mean. I kind of wished we let things run course but obviously something went very wrong and because of that, I think I have to rethink everything I have been feeling and I won't be able to do so if—no, don't interrupt me—I won't be able to do so if we stay like this so if you please, can we say goodbye here, even just for now? I think…I made a mistake in agreeing to see you this way…" She said this very quickly, not knowing the pain she inflicted him with those words.
"No…I can't…I can't continue lying and say I enjoyed the night… as a matter of fact, I felt like you were being eaten up by emptiness. It isn't right. I feel so…disappointed hardly comes close, you know? I felt like a fish out of the water with you earlier. It…it wasn't you."
Syaoran froze. He hated how she said it, but it was true.
He became too phony earlier. What was he to do?
He removed the power lock and waited for her to alight.
I…can't be me with you anymore…why?
She turned her back on him but didn't start walking away. She was shaking, yet she didn't know why. She didn't even know she was crying until her cheeks got wet.
Then he spoke, and she froze.
"I'm sorry," his voice was barely a whisper, making her heart ache all the more, and then she pushed the door behind her and the car drove away.
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
She entered her house, trying to control her sobs wracking through her whole being. Why did she say those things? Why can't she have bothered with pleasantries and told him everything was A-okay? Why did she have to end everything that way? Looking back, they were stupid words anyway and she hated herself some more.
She sat in the bed, not bothering to change or anything. Her ears were straining to hear even the slightest noise outside indicating Syaoran's return. She wasn't just disappointed, she thought. There was something more to her pain. For after all, she loved Syaoran…didn't she? Was she being too hard on him?
He's everything I'd want
Everything I'd ever need
He's everything inside of me
That I wish I could be
He may not say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means everything to me
And I don't know why
Maybe, just maybe, they can try again sometime. It wasn't right, not fair to let him slip away because of one night gone wrong.
I'm waiting for him
To put me together
I'm hoping that he won't push me away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more I wish he'd say
That I'm everything he wants
Everything he needs
Everything inside of him
Wishes he could be
Then for once he'd say the right thing
At exactly the right time
That he loves me more than everything
And he won't make me cry
Yet her heart lost hope as the minutes passed…god, was it only an hour ago that he left her on the doorstep? She shouldn't have been too…too expectant. She knew he tried his best.
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
How long she sat there, she didn't know. Then everything began clinking to place.
Syaoran wasn't being arrogant and detached from her. He was nervous. She remembered how his hands shook slightly as he ate and how he was sweating despite the cool air-conditioning system in the place.
God, he was too nervous around her.
Syaoran didn't hate her…nor was he indifferent towards her.
Syaoran must feel…something…still…
She had to keep hoping that he did, for she won't have him any other way—except all the way in love.
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
She stood and ran towards the door, ready to scourge Tokyo all over to find him.
Yet she didn't have to look very far, for he was standing right outside, his hand about to knock the door. For a minute, they stared at each other for so long. Then Sakura laughed shakily.
"Syaoran, I…I was way out of line…sorry. It's just that…"
"You don't need to explain. In fact, I want to…you know, apologize…I think I drove you crazy tonight, with my stupidity, of course…"
"I don't want you pretending to be someone else to impress me. In fact…I want everything back to when we can be comfortable with each other, Syaoran, maybe it's all for the best…"
Syaoran's shoulders slumped.
"…except that maybe I want a little more this time. Syaoran…can I…be…" She took a deep breath.
"…the one for you?"
You're everything I want
Everything I need
Everything inside of me
And more that I could be
You can say all the wrong things
At exactly the wrong time
You'd still mean everything to me
Cause you are my love
Syaoran stood frozen for a while as he gazed at Sakura, daring not to believe his ears. Then, when he looked at her eyes and happiness shining there, he knew he heard her correctly.
"Actually, I came back to apologize…and because I forgot to do something."
"What is it?"
"This," he said and crossed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a searing kiss.
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I can't say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I know I mean everything to you
And I love you too…
"I've always wanted to do that."
"I was hoping all night you'd do that, too," both of them laughed as they stepped inside Sakura's house, Syaoran's arm wrapped around her shoulder.
"I think I can get around finishing my book now, you know…"
"I think I can help you with ideas…"
Their voices faded in the darkness as they closed the door behind them.
Eriol was driving by the neighborhood when he saw a couple down one house kissing passionately outside the house.
Looking closer, it was Li Syaoran and the girl he used to date, Kinomoto Sakura.
It was funny, but for a long time he dreamt of sharing that same passion with her, but now he felt nothing but happiness for her and her boyfriend.
He smiled a bit caustically. He made her see sense, after all. He's not supposed to harbor any hard feelings for her.
Yet he can't help but feel a bit sad…and hurt…
I'm everything you wanted
I'm everything you said you needed
I'm everything inside of you
You said you wish you could be
I said all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I meant nothing to you
And now I know why…
A Twist in Paradise ended up in the bestsellers' list once more. Critics commended Sakura for demystifying Lee Xian Long's character and showing his flaws. Then, they also liked the new twist, how a best friend can sacrifice everything for the one he loves. And of course, they liked Kirai Saicha's dense attitude and the way she came around. Syaoran announced their engagement to the world after the book was launched and they were married shortly thereafter.
A Twist in Paradise
Li Sakura nee Kinomoto
Kirai Saicha wanted the perfect man. She imposed a lot of qualities on him, such as intelligence, fortune, fame…whatever she would have wanted to have for herself. Of course, he had to be handsome as well. It just so happens there's one man in her life exactly like that—too bad he's her best friend, Lee Xian Long.
Lee Xian Long was the perfect friend. He teased her endlessly but he supported her every move. He was there for her for all the heartaches and breakups she had to endure. More importantly, he understood her so much that she could tell him everything…everything.
Theirs was the perfect friendship, until Saicha finds out that Xian Long was in love with her. Her perfectly stable world turned upside down, inside out. Suddenly they weren't friends anymore, and Saicha saw more and more of Xian Long's imperfections as time passed…Yet why was she getting attracted to him more and more? She can't be in love with her ex-best friend…can she?
About the author of A Twist in Paradise
This book was inspired by the author's own love story and true love, which she found at the process of writing of this book. Li Sakura nee Kinomoto married her publisher and best friend (who read this through before it got approved), Li Syaoran.
The Lis live in Tomoeda, Japan, (a quaint town somewhere in the suburbs) with their little son and daughter. Ms. Sakura is expecting another child as this book gets reprinted for the fifth time.
Post A/N: Watch out for Tomoyo's and Eriol's love story as soon as I get around finding a suitable song for them.