A/N.. Thinking of doing this as a two-parter..

Bit angsty, but all's going to be good in the end.

Disclaimer: Trust me, anything you recognise is not mine. I aint that lucky!

Anyways.. on with the show :)

Enjoy :)


If I could hold you close,

Like you were never gone,

If I could hear your voice,

You'd tell me to be strong.

She could feel the tears rolling down her face. She couldn't comprehend the fact that he was gone. He wouldn't leave her. He couldn't leave her. She knew that the strong woman that he fell in love with was somewhere down inside her. Where that strong person was, she didn't know…

But sometimes I just can't,

I just don't understand,

Why you had to go,

I guess I'll never know.

Why he had to go… She'd never understand. Not now, not ever, especially now that he was gone.

Aint it funny how you think you're gonna be okay,

Till you remember that things aint never gonna be the same again,

And aint it crazy how you think you've got your whole planned

Just to find it was never ever in your hands.

She had her life planned with him.

Every breath that she took reminded her of what she had lost; a constant reminder. She was there, living, without him.

If I could get to you, I'd be there in a minute,

My world don't make no sense, not without you in it,

And sometimes, I just cry,

I just don't understand,

Why you had to go, and leave me here alone.

The world that used to make sense to her no longer did. Her world, His world, Their world no longer existed. He'd left her and he wasn't coming back.

Aint it funny how you think you're gonna be okay,

Till you remember that things aint never gonna be the same again,

And aint it crazy how you think you've got your whole planned

Just to find it was never ever in your hands.

Nothing was going to be the same. Instead of coming home to his mess it'd be her lonely, quiet, tidy apartment – what had been their apartment, since he had moved in, and now, moved out.

She'd never hear him cooking his mom's recipes in the kitchen for them to try – then laugh when dinner had turned cold, because they'd gotten distracted with something else.

She wouldn't come home to a quiet apartment wondering why he was so quiet, what he'd done and what the hell he'd planned.

She wouldn't come home to the sounds of the game, and him screaming at the Giants to 'buck their ideas up' or for the Yankees to 'knock it out of the park'

She wouldn't come home to him in the shower after a long day.

She wouldn't come home to his laughter.

She wouldn't come home to him.

You don't see it coming,

When the future comes knocking,

It can make you or break you in two,

You just have to make it through.

She hadn't thought about it. There had been no other options. No other paths. She had one. With him, now she had to make it through, without him.

Aint it funny how you think you're gonna be okay,

Till you remember that things aint never gonna be the same again,

And aint it crazy how you think you've got your whole planned

Just to find it was never ever in your hands.

She slumped down on her couch, and turned the radio down whilst looking at the reminders. The photos, the memories, everything reminded her of him. The lack of him in her life.

She promised herself that it wasn't going to affect her work. She'd promised Mac when they first started dating. But after the 3rd day of calling in sick, she figured that she was kinda past that. She was well aware that it was plainly obvious why she hadn't gone into work, but tear stained cheeks, red eyes, and messy hair wasn't in the approved attire for work, and she'd probably get sent home anyway if she was to go in...

Plus, she didn't want to see him…

He wouldn't care… He hadn't cared that night. The night he broke her in two…

"I'm sorry Lindsay, it's not working. We're not working, I can't do this anymore."

A knocking woke her from her daze, she hadn't even realised that she'd been so deep in thought.

She wiped her cheeks, getting rid of the excess tears… Stella was already used to seeing her teary eyed, but not in a state... She opened the door without even looking through the peephole, and stopped.

"Lindsay, I"

She slammed the door shut, just like he had on her. Yeah, it was childish. But who cared? Nothing he had to say interested her. Well it did, she longed to talk to him. She knew he didn't deserve her tears, her pain. But no matter how much she told herself that, she knew that he did, because he was probably hurting as much as she was.

"Lindsay, Montana, open the door, I wanna talk."

She turned the radio up louder, to muffle the desperation in his voice. She was trying to be angry with him, not feel sorry for him. He was the one that had done all this.

"I'm not leaving"

He was leaving. He was leaving now. She stormed over to the door, ripped it open. Put the letter in his hands, slammed the door shut, then re-opened it, threw the flowers he'd gotten her at him, and then slammed it shut again.

Then she collapsed against the door and slid down it, sobbing.

On the other side Danny was sat with his back against the door, flowers by the side of him, he slowly began to open the letter.

He stared at it, took a deep breath, and then began to read.


Stop calling me.

Stop texting me.

Stop sending me flowers.

Stop sending Flack.

Just leave it now.

I don't know what you want from me. You want me… You wait for me… you get me, and then change your mind and you don't want me?

What the hell?

You knew how I felt, and you freaked out. It's simple. Typical Danny Messer…

Yeah, I haven't been to work, and if you cared, and you used an ounce of intelligence you would know why. Stop calling and leaving me voicemails, asking why I wasn't there. I thought it would be obvious to a detective like yourself, but apparently not.

You ended it. Not me. Call Rikki, I'm sure she'll help, hey, whilst you're at it, how about you call Cindy. She was fun that time we saw her in the bar...

I love you Danny, but hell you're an arsehole.


He wiped the tears that were running down his face. He deserved her anger. He knew full well why she hadn't been to work. It'd probably be the same reason why he hadn't been. He pulled his pen out and turned her letter over.

She couldn't hear him anymore. He'd probably gone. Thank god! She got up and went into the kitchen, as she did, she saw something fly under her door.

She slowly crouched down and picked up the folded piece of paper. He'd sent her note back through?

She noticed writing on the back, and slowly turned it over and began to read.


I won't stop calling you.

I won't stop texting you.

I won't stop sending you flowers.

And I won't stop sending Flack.

And I defiantly won't leave it now.

I didn't know what I wanted from you. I know I waited for you, I got you, and then I hurt you. I screwed up Linds. You don't need to tell me. The empty, aching feeling I got going on in my chest reminds me every minute of every day.

I know I freaked out, you didn't deserve that, you deserve more than that. More than me. More than this.

The only reason I know you've not been going into work is because Mac, Flack, Stella, Hawkes, Adam and Sid have come to my place asking me what the hell I've done. Until then I had no idea you hadn't been going in, not because I haven't noticed, but because I haven't been either.

I know I ended it, Not you... And Lindsay, it's my biggest regret. You have no idea how much I miss you. How much I need you. I keep closing my eyes on the off chance I might see your face. I close my mouth because I might hear your voice in this screwed up head of mine.

And yeah, okay I deserve the comments about Rikki and Cindy. But Lindsay, compared to you. They're nothing. Believe me.

I'd really like for you to open the door… Please?

We need to talk.

Danny. x

She knew she shouldn't. She'd regret it. She'd kick herself later. Stella would kill her with her own gun. Flack would kick her ass and Sid would do her autopsy. But it was sure worth it.

He leaned against the door with his forehead. Hoping, Praying, that she'd open the door.

It clicked.

He stumbled.

"You have 1 minute. Go."

"Aww, shit Linds, I don't do pressure and time limits well…"

"50 seconds"

"Okay, okay. Lindsay. Lindsay. I. I. I love you. "

She looked up from the floor.

"What did you say?"

"I love you Lindsay Monroe"

She couldn't stop the smile that was creeping across her face.

"You had better come in"


A/N...You like?

Comments are loved.. :)

Btw, Song used, is Change by Sugababes..

Happy new year people!