Disclaimer: Not mine.
Rating: Probably an honest M.
Summary: Sirius walks in on something he shouldn't. Things get uncomfortable.
Interesting tidbit from the author: Most of this was actually written in the shower, on little pieces of waterproof paper. It's the only time I seem to have to write anymore.
A/N: Chock full of cliches, I suppose. I'm sorry.
It's Always the Quiet Ones.
Remus was always the first to wake up; always awake long before anyone else in the boys' dorm. It was common knowledge to all of his friends that he, for whatever twisted, insane reason, liked to shower and dress early in the morning before all the normal, sane people regained consciousness for the day.
That is, it was theoretical knowledge. None of us were ever actually awake at that time, so really for all we knew he could have been waking up five minutes before us, running into the bathroom to dunk his head in the sink, and pulling on some clean clothes all these years, just to trick us. But I imagine that if he did that, he would look considerably more like Snivellus than he does. So it's fair to say that it was common knowledge to all Remus's friends that he liked to shower before we all got out of bed.
One day, this semi-theoretical knowledge became, to me, practical knowledge. That day, I broke Sirius Black's Rule of Conduct #23: Never wake up before the alarm.
It wasn't my fault, though! Or, not precisely my fault.
Alright, so maybe it was. But it was more Snivellus's fault than anyone else. It always is.
We were in Potions. It's always Potions when stuff like this happens... Anyway, we were in Potions and I may have said something about Snivellus's mother before class, so he wasn't too happy with me. Less happy with me than usual, I guess you could say. I shouldn't have been too surprised when later, as we were working on our potions, my cauldron exploded in a puff of green smoke, but much as I am loathe to admit it, I let out a rather loud—yet completely manly—scream in surprise at the sudden noise.
The scream was luckily drowned out by both the loud clap accompanying the explosion and all of my nearby classmates, who also let out various audible cries of surprise.
Slughorn, who has somehow miraculously managed to not catch on to the almost constant sabotage of each other's potions Sinvellus and I partake in, then proceeded to give me a ten inch essay on what I had done wrong.
Ten inches. Not so bad, right?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
That's why I waited until nine o'clock to begin my research. I went down to the library, grabbed a book about the potion we had been making, and pulled up a chair next to Remus.
"Hey Remus! What'cha doing?" I said.
He glanced up at me in surprise. "Finishing my Charms paper. What are you doing here?" Before I could reply though, he looked at the book I'd set on the table, and when he winced sympathetically I knew he knew exactly why I was there. I nodded and plopped into my chair, opening the book to a chapter about possible errors. It wasn't long before Remus finished his essay and headed back up to the tower. He had established way back in the first year that he would never stay up with us when we had waited until the last minute on something. And yes, that included essays wrongfully assigned due to pranks by Snivellus, because he insisted that those were our own fault as well. This time though, I could tell that he would have liked to stay by the way he lingered after he'd gathered his things, and read over my shoulder for a moment before patting me on the head and leaving. I read on.
When the library closed for the night, I checked the book out and continued reading in the common room.
Even when I reached the end of the chapter, I hadn't found anything about how to avoid exploding it into green smoke. I supposed the green color might have been a modification, but that didn't leave me any closer, as the potion seemed to brag unexplodability
That greasy git was—and this is in no way a compliment, mind you—too good at potions for his own good. He would have to face the wrath of the marauders for that.
Around four am, I couldn't take it anymore. I whipped up a few inches of BS about how my attention had wandered and part of a game of exploding snap must have slipped out of my pocket and into my potion and that I was very sorry about causing a disturbance and would try my very best not to let anything happen for at least a month more.
Then I stumbled up the stairs and flopped head first into my bead, not bothering even to undress or to pull the curtains closed.
Therein lay the problem.
When the sun rose, half an hour before I would have liked to, the light came in through the lack of curtains and shone right at my eyes.
Tired as I was, I couldn't very well fall back asleep with sun in my eyes, and when I sat up to close the curtains my robes became horribly twisted and I had to disentangle myself from them. By the time I was disrobed and sun free, I was wide awake and couldn't fall asleep again.
So I decided that, since I was awake and everything, a shower might be a good idea. I had gone to bed without one the night before after all. And it would never do to have Sirius Black looking like Snivellus.
I pulled myself out of bed, dug through my chest for some fresh robes, and stumbled into the bathroom. I was met with the sound of running water, and in my confused, not-quite-awake state I wondered if the showers were charmed to turn on automatically for you in the mornings or something.
A couple of steps towards the sound though, and I realized that it was water running off a body, not simply water sprinkling down in a uniform fashion. With that realization came another: the person in the shower was Remus. It all made sense. I was up early to take a shower; Remus was always up early taking a shower. It only made sense that I would run into him.
It occurred to me that I should tell him good morning and let him know that I was there. But just as I opened my mouth, I heard a loud moan from his direction.
The words died on my lips and I flushed an embarrassing shade of Gryffindor crimson. What was going on in there?
Was Remus doing what it sounded like he was doing?
I snuck closer, wondering what he would say when he realized he wasn't alone. The prankster in me couldn't just ignore an opportunity for humiliation like that.
Three steps away from the shower door, there was another moan. It was filled with an unmistakable note of lust.
Not just an upset stomach, then. That would have been awkward.
I reached forward and pulled open the frosted shower door, expecting to see Remus leaning against the wall. Instead, I saw only the running water. No Remus.
Yet another moan came, louder than ever, and I looked down at the floor.
And just like that, I knew I would never be able to look at my friend the same way again.
Remus was sitting on the floor, crouched over, one hand running up and down his dick. And even though I'd known what he was doing before I saw him, shock ran through me at the sight. Knowing is one thing, but seeing it with my own eyes was something... something else entirely.
It was actually really hot, considering he was my best mate and all.
Apparently he was so engrossed in what he was doing that he hadn't heard my gasp of shock. So, recovering slightly from said shock, I decided to salvage the situation.
Crouching down, I peered into his face. "Well, well, well. So this is why you like to wake up so insanely early," I said.
His eyes rose to meet mine. His hands slipped from his dick. His face flushed so red I thought he would explode.
And then he did. Right into my face.
I suppose it served me right, walking in on him like that, but hey, how was I supposed to know he was doing that? I mean, I had known that he was doing that, but how was I supposed to know that it would be so... different? I'd walked in on James loads of times and it had never been this surreal, this awkward, this embarrassing for either of us.
Anyway, when his... stuff... hit me, I let out a scream to rival the one from Potions the day before. I was temporarily blinded, my eyelids glued shut, and by the time I could open them again, Remus had disappeared.
I decided it would be best to stay in the shower and clean myself up, and that I could look for him later. However, the cleaner I got, the dirtier I felt.
How could I have thought that would be a good idea? Those things are private, everyone should know that.
I had known he would be embarrassed. Hell, I would have been embarrassed. I would have been able to laugh it off, surely, but this was Remus. Quiet little Remus, who had never even been on a date. I didn't know if he could laugh it off or not.
He might never forgive me. And what's more, I wasn't sure I deserved forgiveness.
A/N: Worth continuing?