It had been exactly three months that Jacob Black had left Forks, and exactly three months since I stopped living. I spent my days in bed, sleeping. At night, I cried. I cried for as long as it would take for me to pass out. I was in a deep catatonic state that I could not wake up from, not even Edward could help me now. I spent the first two weeks crying in hysterics non-stop. Charlie would stay with me during the day time, holding me, rocking me back and forth and Edward would come during the nights. He would hold me close and sing me my lullaby. Jacob had left me, ripping my heart from my chest as he went. Billy told Charlie he didn't know when he would be back, or even if he would.
I pushed myself onward, barely feeling the ground beneath me. My pulse accelerated and my limbs pumped back and forth. This was the fastest I've ever gone, yet not nearly fast enough to run from the memories of Bella. It's been three months since I left forks, and I still hadn't done what I set out to do. She told me she loved me, but not nearly enough. What am I supposed to do with that? This was the girl that I wanted to spend my life with, instead of with me, she wants to spend hers with a leech. I didn't know when I would return, or even if I could. Their wedding was in exactly one week, and after that, it would be too late to save her; she would become one of them. I did everything I could to save her, I offered a home, a future, but she didn't want any of that with me. The mere thought of them together, only made me push harder, farther away from that world.
Edward and I were supposed to get married in a week, but clearly I was in no state to walk down the aisle. Edward was being very considerate and patient , but every so often I could hear him talking to Alice on the phone about me. He was worried and frustrated because he couldn't fix this one. I knew that I was being selfish; I promised myself that Edward wouldn't see me cry because of Jacob again, I broke that promise, over and over again.
One night, Edward whispered in my ear, that he would stay with me forever, no matter how I felt about Jacob Black. As long as I wanted him there, he would be. I didn't know how long I would be like this, and I know that it was taking a toll on him. I owed him too much to let him stay and watch me slowly die. One day when Charlie was sitting with me, I asked him to shut the window. Eventually, as time passed, Edward stopped coming.
When I met Bella, she touched my heart in places I didn't even know existed. A world without her would be like a rainy day without a rainbow. Seeing her like this tore me apart. I couldn't help but wonder if it were all my fault. Maybe I should have stepped back, and let Jacob have her; they could have had a real future together. In the end, Bella made the decision, and she chose me. Now as I look at her, her lifeless body sprawled under the covers, I think maybe she made the wrong decision.
Over the months, Bella had lost a significant amount of weight from not eating, and the natural glow of her skin dimmed. My sunshine was fading away to nothing, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. When I was away from her I was afraid she would do something drastic, something to hurt herself. Living in such constant worry, drained me of all my former happiness. One night, when I reached Bella's bedroom, I noticed that the window was shut. She always left it open for me, even when we had a fight. I looked in to see her sitting up in bed, staring at her folded hands in her lap. I knew what she wanted, but was I ready to let go just like that? I spent the next three weeks sitting outside her window sill, waiting for her if she were to change her mind. She never did.
Authors Notes: I know it's sad now...but don't worry too much...it'll get better