Author's Note!!!: Wooteh! Ello all! Well, this is another of my fanfics, this one coming from the most disturbed part of my mind. It's pretty short, and not really that well written, but I tried. I'm just here to say that in no way do I own the Legend of Zelda, Link, Ganon, or any personal interests they may have. If I did, Zelda would die in every game and it would most likely be Link's fault (and he would have a Master Chainsaw... ). Anyways, I would be happy if you decided to R&R. Thank you, and enjoy the story.
Summary: It's a love triangle! Link's in love with Zelda, Zelda likes Ganon, and Ganon is secretly gay and likes Link. What happens? We'll see...One sided Ganon[xLink yaoi.
Link slowly climbed the steps to the top of the dark tower. For some reason, all of the monsters he had run into so far inside the tower had treated him..well... pretty strangely. For starters, the two Stalfos knights had bust into laughter and died of it when he walked into the room, and the Iron Knuckles had run out of the room giggling when they spotted him. It was weird.
As Link reached the final door that led to Ganondorf, he listened closely to the sounds coming from within. Instead of the organ music he heard earlier, there was...Jesse McCartney!? A giggle joined it, a giggle that could only be Zelda. Outside the door, Link had the classic "Oo" face.
Ganon spun around while he was dancing stupidly to his Jesse McCartney CD. He was wearing a bright pink shirth that said Pirate Princess Pickle Bunny! in glittery blue letters on the front. He was also clothed in a pair of extremely tight leather pants that showed off his ass. Zelda, still trapped in the giant pink rupee thing, was giggling madly at the sight of this.It was this new sight that gave her a new realization. She thought Ganon was hot! A thudding noise caused her to look over at the door, and standing there, was Link with a look of complete horror on his face.
"Umm, wh- what's going on here?" Link tentatively asked. He was a bit freaked out by this... scene.
Ganon pulled a 360 at the sound of Link's voice. If only for a second, his eyes were shining with a river of affection. In all reality, it was nauseating, but somehow, Link wasn't affected by it. In fact, he didn't even notice it.
"Oh, umm, hi, Link," his voice was a bit high pitched and his face was bright red, "What's up?"
"Uh...I'm here to rescue Zelda...sooo...I think I should do that."
"Oh fudgie brownies Link, why is it always Zelda with you!? Why don't you care about me!? I have feelings too ya know," Ganon began to whine.
"Yeah Link! Honestly, why can't you take someone else's feelings into account instead of your own?" Zelda piped down from where she was floating.
Because I the authoress cannot find another way to put this for I am a moron- Link: "Oo"
Ganon stood where he was, arms folded over his chest as he pouted about Link not respecting his feelings. It made him sad, oh so sad. So sad that the authoress ate fifteen pounds of chocolate ice cream and became fat. But that's not important. The point is, Ganon was sad.
Of course Link was somewhat annoyed by the fact that Ganon was now pouting.
"Hey! Can we just get this battle over with so I can leave with Zelda?" Link asked.
Ganon started to cry, which made the giant pink rupee thing that was Zelda's prison explode into tiny little bits, and she was free. She walked over to Ganon and put her hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him. This made him cry more, and wasn't the crying that you do when you get hurt, oh no, this was the crying that gets really annoying because the person has to gasp every syllable out when they start talking, like they're a skipping cd-player or something.
"Here (GASP) just (gasp) take (gasp) her (gasp) you (gasp) in (gasp) sense (gasp) it (gasp) ive (gasp) jerk (gasp)." At this point Ganondorf ran out of the room, past Link, and jumped off the tower into a fiery pit of lava and doom. Zelda stared at Link like he was the most evil person in the room.
"Why the Hell did you have to make Ganny-Poo kill himself? WTF is wrong with you?" she said.
Again- Link: Oo
"Whatever, let's just leave."
And leave they did. They really didn't have to worry about much, since Ganon leaped into a fiery death instead of bringing down the tower like he was supposed to. And the monsters still laughed at our Hero. Even the ReDead on the bridge laughed so hard it DIED on the spot for lack of breath.
The two Hylians stood on the platform overlooking the place where Ganon had been incinerated. For some odd reason the castle exploded, and no one knew why. Or cared. All that was left was a pile of rubble. The rainbow bridge had dissappeared, and Link was becoming increasingly frustrated because Zelda refused to even look at him. He decided to break the silence.
"Hey, umm, Zelda? There's something I've been meaning to tell you for awhile but something always happens right before I can so I never really got the chance..."
Zelda watched him out of the corner of her eye.
"I...I think ...I think I love you," Link stammered. This earned him a slap in the face. It also got the authoress to somehow magically poof into the story, toss Zelda into the lava moat of doom, kiss Link on the cheek where he was slapped, and then poof away again. Yup, completely normal. Besides the fact that Zelda was now screaming very naughty things because her dress was now ruined and she was on fire. Link just stood where he was, completely bewildered, and thinking about muffins. Delicious, muffiny, muffins. Until a loud rumbling noise in the center of the platform snapped him out of his thoughts.
The Hylian cautiously moved towards the center, unaware of the surprise lying in wait for him. When he was close enough, the rubble exploded and Ganon popped out!
"What the hell!? I thought you threw yourself into the lava and got incinerated!" Link exclaimed, unable to hide his astonishment.
"I did, but I pulled a Mario and lit my butt on fire and then flew out. I came crashing through about 15 layers of rock that I think was my tower," Ganon replied, brushing ash off his lower extremity. Sadly, Link thought he was going to go blind because the lava had burned Ganon's pants so much it looked like he was wearing short shorts. Really short shorts. But now he knew why the tower exploded.
During Link's 'WTF' moment, Ganon lunged towards the blonde and knocked him on the ground. And was sitting on top of him, while Link struggled to break free.
Ganon whined again, "Oooh..Linky-Chan, why won't you acknowledge my feelings for you? I wuv joo with all my black soul!!"
Link's left eye began to twitch. He suddenly felt enough strength to throw Ganondorf off of him. Out of nowhere, he pulled out a chainsaw with a blue handle and Triforce design. (Master Chainsaw, Woot!) However, instead of holding it, he chucked it at Ganon, who was hit upside the head with the handle and was instantly knocked out. The six sages then appeared for no particular reason and did their thing and sent Ganon to the Evil Realm where he would live out the rest of his days as a giant pig an until another Link came and actually killed him.
Before the door to the Evil Realm was sealed, Ganon screamed that he was going to return and molest Link one day, and then flipped off the world with his enormously large nose. He then got impaled by a Light Arrow the second before he was sealed away. Link was then transported to the clouds for some unknown reason until it was known.
The charred, hairless, nude skeleton of Zelda was standing in front of Link, random sharp object in hand, that almost ended up in Link's chest had he not blocked it with his Hylian Shield.
"YOU KILLED GANNY-POO YOU GIRLY BASTARD!!!" Zelda was now screaming at the top of her crispy lungs. Which, again, caused the authoress to appear and beat the shit out of her until she was naught but a pile of ash on the floor.
"Okay, so I guess that means I have to do her job," Z then cleared her throat, "Thank you, Link, for saving Hyrule. When she entrusted the Ocarina to you, she did not realize the danger she would then put you in. She WOULD have apologized for that had she not realized she loved Ganon and then got unreasonably pissed off at you for killing him. Oh, and I'm sorry you didn't get your woman. But hey, there's always Dark Link to turn to, right? Anyways, instead of making you give me the Ocarina, I'm just going to send you back to your own time so i can completely screw up the Timeline, if there is one." Z then pulled out an electric guitar and played Zelda's Lullaby. Link was enveloped in a blue light and vanished into thin air.
When he vanished, an annoying voice we all hate appeared, "Hey! Where'd he go? Hey! Why'd he leave without me? Listen! I'm gonna murder whoever made me stay here!" Navi was then barbecued, chopped into nine pieces and fed to all of the bosses from Ocarina of Time. Except ganon, he doesn't deserve any Navi.
Z then turned to face the people who actually decided to read this far, "Well... I'm just gonna say...the end?"
Wow that was terrible. Oh well. I gave it a shot, twas my first crack at something that wasn't serious. Yeah... I don't like Zelda. At all. I always got the feeling that Ganon liked Link cuz he's in almost all the games and it feels like he has nothing better to do with his life than stalk Link by kidnapping his girlfriend..Weird, i know. Nyways, that's the end of this one, unless people want me to make a bunch of little chapter thingies as a continuation of the crazy adventuresof people trying to woo someone else. Also, This probably sounds crazy, but I am also working on a story for a friend of mine, which I've had to start over cuz I can't find it anywhere. It is a crack story, and in no way serious. AT ALL. It is a Link x Toilet Hand Guy from Majora's Mask. It is for a friend of mine. Anyways, please no flaming. If you want to flame, E-mail me at Same goes for if you have suggestons.
Well, I'm signing out, later!