Brian knows many things.
He knows yellow and blue make green. Red means stop. Green means go. Dom means danger. He also knows every sunrise puts him one day closer to betraying Dom and the team.
God, he doesn't even know when it turned into betraying. It used to be his job to do this. Do it, not think it. But now...God, now...it's all twisted.
Because of Dom.
Dom, who was the best lover Brian had ever had, and he'd had plenty. And now he was all mixed up. And he kept having dreams, dreams about Barstow and Roman and what he lost. Those are the worst; he always wakes up sweating and shivering. But Dom's there warm and powerful like the safety offered in a lighthouse's light. He never says anything just pulls Brian closer and throws a muscled arm over Brian's pale stomach and all the badness melts away.
When they wake though, Brian's fear comes back tenfold. Because every sunrise he's closer to hurting them, hurting Dom, hurting himself. Every sunset makes a worse future wound, because they trust him more every day. Enough for Jesse to talk about his dad and Mia about going to medical school. Letty speaks of her own shop. And Leon and Vince? About being Leon and Vince.
Every night when Brian tries to go to sleep, after having fun with Dom for an hour or several, Brian thinks about what he knows. And he knows he'll hurt Dom and all the others. Badly.
And he's also sure he'll do all he can to minimize the damage. Dom's not going back to jail, even if it means sacrificing all Brian knows about honor and integrity and the meaning of the badge he wears.
Or thought he knew in any case.
He hates being so messed up, trapped so many gray areas, with no clear right or wrong. He wants to go back to just knowing. But that would mean never knowing Dom, and he'll pick Dom every time. Because having Dom and losing him horribly is better than never having had him at all.
This lessens the idea of the pain that is to come. He wonders if it'll work when the pain really hits. He hopes so, because he can no longer know so.