"Dude, Where's My Ring?"
Summary: YAOI. SasoDei. Sasori can't find his ring. After tearing apart the whole house, Deidara helps him out.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto. If I did, Pledge would be the new crack. (I don't own that either. I think Johnson & Johnson does.)
Warning: CRACK, GRAPHIC SEX, CURSING.
"Oh no, I can't find it anywhere!"
Sasori was sitting on the floor, tossing random things out of a large chest at the end of his bed.
When the chest was empty, Sasori moved to his desk.
He wrenched open the drawers, tossing out Akatsuki business cards and wads of clay from Deidara that had little fuzzies stuck to them.
The puppet happened to grab what looked like a clay Furby, and then dropped it back in the drawer as if it had bit him.
He fell backwards and kicked the drawer closed just as the Furby exploded.
"God damn it, Deidara!" Sasori yelled furiously.
Sasori tried the closet next. He spent more time talking to his Pledge can from 1937 than actually looking for his ring, but still, he didn't find it in there either.
"Where could it possibly be?" Sasori moaned to the empty room. He looked at his puppets suspended by strings from the ceiling, and had a sudden idea.
His puppets! He had been tweaking with the Kazekage yesterday, hadn't he? Last night seemed a little fuzzy from all the Pledge cocktails he'd had, but he definitely recalled doing some adjustments to Kazekage's insides…
Sasori pulled down his favorite puppet and opened up the back panel, pushing aside wires and hoses and searching for any sign of his beloved ring. After finding nothing yet again, the red head hastily snapped the panel back on and threw the Kazekage across the room.
It landed in a crumpled heap and gave Sasori a sad face.
"Aw…I didn't mean it, Kaze-chan," Sasori murmured to his puppet, and walked over to set Kazekage up properly.
Sasori spent twenty minutes rubbing down the Kazekage with Pledge (while spraying some up his nose as he worked) and that's when Deidara walked in.
"Isn't that puppet shiny enough, un?" Deidara said, snorting laughter at his Danna.
Sasori stopped what he was doing and narrowed his eyes at Deidara.
"Have you seen my ring?" Sasori asked slowly.
Deidara's face brightened.
"You have?!" Sasori asked, smiling.
"Where is it?"
Deidara gave Sasori a knowing smile.
"You'll have to get it yourself, un."
"Deidara. I don't have time to play games. This is important!"
"Yeah…I know, un. Just…"
The blond started to blush.
"I can't get it myself."
Sasori quirked an eyebrow.
"Can you tell me where the hell it is already? You're driving me insane!"
"It's…you know…down…down there…un," Deidara murmured, turning even redder.
Deidara grinned sheepishly.
"Don't you remember last night, un?"
Sasori tried to think back, but couldn't.
Deidara laughed softly.
"You will soon enough. Come here, un!"
Deidara grabbed Sasori by the hands and pulled him close.
He leaned in, cocked his head and lightly pressed his lips against Sasori's.
At the same time, Deidara maneuvered Sasori's hands behind him to cup his ass.
"Still don't remember, un?"
The blond slid his tongue across Sasori's lower lip, and Sasori gasped, gripping tighter at Deidara's butt.
Deidara cut Sasori's stuttering short by slipping his tongue in Sasori's mouth, tasting the sharp tang of Pledge but not caring.
When you're a puppet's lover, you learn to like the taste of furniture polish.
The kiss intensified when Sasori responded, dipping his own tongue deep into Deidara's mouth and sliding it around.
Deidara combed his fingers through Sasori's baby fine hair, moaning into his mouth.
Sasori's hands left the ass to tug at the blond's waistband. Deidara chuckled into Sasori's mouth and broke away.
"You do remember now, don't you, un?"
"Where the ring is! Un!"
"Oh…I haven't been thinking about anything other than getting you out of those clothes for the past five minutes. Now strip!"
Deidara rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt over his head. He would have tried for his pants next, but Sasori distracted him by sliding his hands over his chest.
The blond giggled and pulled Sasori close for another kiss, this time tugging at Sasori's own shirt.
The two broke their kiss as the fabric was pulled over Sasori's head, and when Deidara threw it onto the floor, Sasori bit Deidara's lower lip before sliding down to his knees.
The puppet hooked his fingers into the waistband of Deidara's pants and started to ease them down, licking and planting love bites down the blond's smooth skin.
Deidara looked down at Sasori with half closed eyes, watching as Sasori's tongue poked out to lap at his navel.
Sasori grinned up at Deidara when the blond's pants were pooled around his ankles.
Deidara's erection was rather obviously pronounced in the thin black boxers he wore.
Sasori nuzzled it with his face, running his hands lightly up Deidara's thighs.
"Danna…quit playin' around, un…" Deidara whispered. Sasori sighed.
"You always rush things, Deidara…but if you wish…"
Sasori pulled the boxers down Deidara's legs and the blond stepped out of them. He held out his hands to Sasori, the mouths on his palms drooling in anticipation.
"I still wonder why those freaky things turn me on…" Sasori said.
Deidara ran his right hand down Sasori's torso, licking wetly as it went, and Sasori shuddered.
Deidara quickly tugged down Sasori's pants and boxers and had his hands and mouths licking and sucking at every bit of exposed skin he could reach.
And those mouths can reach a lot! XD
Sasori gradually backed Deidara into the bed and pushed him onto it.
Deidara was panting by now, his hands licking and nipping at himself, spreading his legs wide.
"PLEASE, DANNA! UN!"
Sasori bent down and lightly kissed Deidara on the tip of his nose. Deidara let out a howl of frustration and tangled his fingers in Sasori's hair, forcing him in for a real kiss.
The puppet's cock brushed up against Deidara's own, making him gasp, but Sasori wouldn't breach the gap and let Deidara have what he wanted most.
So Deidara kicked his legs out and wrapped them around Sasori's hips, pulling him closer. His hands slid to Sasori's back, the palms biting hard enough to draw blood.
"FUCK ME NOW, DANNA!"
Sasori pressed the tip of his cock at Deidara's entrance and leaned his head in close, pressing his lips to Deidara's ear.
"Where is my ring, Deidara?" Sasori whispered, his breath stirring Deidara's hair.
Deidara's blue eyes widened.
"Un…maybe…maybe not yet…"
"That's what I thought."
Sasori wrapped his hand around Deidara's erection and pumped his hand up and down, driving Deidara wild. He bucked his hips sporadically, grunting his favorite title for Sasori.
Deidara came into Sasori's hand, and the puppet used the slick seed to make his…ring finding expedition…easier.
While still standing over Deidara, Sasori slid his finger inside him, feeling around. He ended up hitting the blond's prostrate, making the blond squirm.
Sasori slid a second finger in, thrusting them in and out but still feeling no ring…
Sasori slid in a third finger and thought he felt something. He tried to hook it with his middle finger, and his movements made Deidara cum again, this time all over Sasori's chest.
"Quit moving, Deidara, I almost have it!" Sasori grunted.
"Ah! I got it!"
Sasori slid his fingers out of Deidara, his middle finger bent oddly in order to keep the ring from slipping away.
The puppet reached over and set the ring on the nightstand, vowing to wash it when he was done here.
"I don't remember why my thumb ring ended up in your ass…but I'm glad it did," Sasori said, and slid his cock into Deidara up to the hilt.
"Uun…Fuck me…fuck me now, DANNA!"
Sasori pulled all the way out and slid slowly back in again, and Deidara opened his eyes and seethed.
"Oh, did you want me to go faster?"
"Un! Quit fucking around and FUCK ME!"
"As you wish…" Sasori murmured sweetly and started thrusting hard, smacking his hips against Deidara's rear.
Sasori grabbed Deidara's legs after a while and shifted his position slightly, trying to find that special spot inside again.
That must be the spot…
Deidara pleasured himself with his own hand while his other nipped at his chest, and when Sasori started circling his hips, Deidara couldn't hold back anymore.
He climaxed, crying out so loudly that Itachi woke with a snort in the room next door, thinking that Hidan was sacrificing a pig.