It was one of those days at Radient Garden.
The sky was clear, there wasn't much noise, just birds and the occasional person on the streets, the heartless were just wandering around as though they'd just woken up, and the flowers were swaying in their pots. It was a nice day. A calm day.
It was one of those days where you're just wondering what the hell is going to go wrong.
Cloud Strife sat on the steps of Merlin's house, a handful of tequila shot-glasses at his feet, expertly placed in the shape of a pyramid, and a half-empty bottle of bourbon nursing by his knee.
Quietly, the blonde just sat there. Staring at the glittery pyramid of cylinder-shaped glasses, his fingers slowly sliding up and down the neck of his bourbon bottle beside him, his chin in his other hand.
With a puff of black smoke worthy of a seedy magician, a heartless stood before Cloud, twitching like a bunny on crystal meth.
The blonde man gave the small black creature a look of pure and unadulterated indifference, and the little creature just bowed it's head and waddled off, looking a might upset.
Cloud took a gulp of his bourbon and went back to staring at his pyramid of tequila shot-glasses. He had a pleasant buzz going throughout his body from the alcohol, and he didn't particularly care what was going on around him.
One of the dancing ballerina hippopotamuses from the world Fantasia flounced past in a flurry of pink glitter and silk, and, a credit to the alcohol he had consumed, Cloud didn't notice at all.
An alligator wearing a cape quickly followed the hippo, and Cloud just continued staring at his pyramid.
A small, blue, fuzzy thing scuttled around the small square before coming to a stop in front of the pyramid, and stared at it too. The thing stared at it, then at Cloud, who still had yet to remove his attention from it.
"HI!" chirped the thing, Cloud's eyes snapping up from the glasses to stare at the thing.
"My name Stitch," the blue thing said proudly, holding out a clawed hand.
At that moment, the heartless Cloud had somehow upset, came back. The thing –Stutch, or something–, promptly whipped out what looked like a gun from somewhere, and pulled the trigger. The heartless blew up in a flash of overly-dramatic green.
Stitch turned back to Cloud and gave him a very toothy grin.
"Hi," the blonde stated flatly. Stitch gave Cloud a hearty wave, even though they were barely a metre or so apart.
There was a crunch and Stitch whipped around again, holding two guns now –where the hell did he get the new one?– in the direction of the sound. Cloud looked up to see Leon standing there, eyebrows raised, grey eyes fixed on Stitch.
The little blue thing made a quiet, accusing sound, before letting his pudgy arms fall to his sides. Leon glanced up from Stitch to give Cloud a tiny smirk.
"Make a new friend, Strife?" the brunette questioned smugly.
"Not really," Cloud answered, lifting his bourbon bottle up and taking a mouthful.
Stitch looked between the two humans, before sticking his tiny arm in Leon's direction. "My name Stitch," he repeated.
Leon blinked down at him, before bending down and taking Stitch's tiny hand in his, and shaking it, humoring the little fuzzy blue thing. "I'm Leon." he said.
Stitch grinned cheerily, his large black eyes gleaming. "Who's he?" Stitch asked, large ears twitching, pointing a clawed hand in Cloud's direction. The blonde tapped his teeth against the glass rim of the bourbon bottle, more than a little intoxicated right now. Not in any state to answer in a strait-foward fashion.
Leon smirked, kneeling down beside Stitch. "His name is Cloud Strife." He said. He would've continued talking about the blonde's personality, and what he usually did, but, truthfully, with the blonde as drunk and uncaring as he was right now, the temptation to sully Cloud's good name by mentioning cross-dressing and lipstick was far too strong.
Leon wasn't that much of an asshole.
Leon stood up and turned, and Cloud glanced up, over the rim of his bottle.
Sora skidded into the square, hopping on one foot to keep balance, his keyblade clutched in one hand, a panicked look on his flushed face.
Leon opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but, at that moment, a hoard of ballet-hippopotamuses, ostriches, elephants, alligators wearing capes, satyrs with little instruments, multi-coloured centaurs, pegasus's of assorted colours and sizes, fairies, and God knows what the hell else barreled around the corner Sora just did, and exploded into the square.
Leon's eyebrows disappeared under his hair and he gaped in shock, while Cloud hummed 'itsy-witsy spider'.
Sora sped strait past Leon and Cloud, grabbing Stitch by the hand and scooting around the other corner with a panicked, high-pitched squawk.
The assorted creatures zoomed after Sora, making loud, assorted sounds that basically got the idea out that Sora had done something very, very wrong. Barreling Leon over and causing him to fall back onto Cloud, the creatures thundered around the corner after Sora, and disappeared.
There was a long silence.
"You knocked it over." Cloud stated.
Leon looked up at the blonde, the back of his head against Cloud's chest, before looking to where the blonde's blue-green eyes were directed. By the brunette's leg, was the remainder of Cloud's shot-glass pyramid. All of the glasses scattered around, but not broken.
Leon slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, from leaning against Cloud's lap, still sitting a few steps below the blonde, in between his legs. Just to be polite to the intoxicated other, he gathered up the shot-glasses into a few small towers.
"Strife," Leon started after he had gathered up all the glasses, still sitting in front of the blonde, staring in front of himself. "Did the natural inhabitance of Fantasia just stampede through here screaming curses at Sora?"
A nearly-empty bottle of bourbon descended in front of Leon's face and wiggled a bit in the air.
"Oh, right," the brunette sighed, "you're intoxicated. You could easily be hallucinating. Your answer means nothing."
The bourbon bobbed slightly in the air, as though it was being made to nod, before it ascended back out of Leon's field of vision. Letting out a shaky sigh, Leon buried his face in his hands.
"Problem, Leonhart?" Cloud questioned, squinting into his now-empty bottle of bourbon, as though it would suddenly become full again, one of his legs drooping slightly and bumping into Leon's side.
"I feel like I'm going crazy," Leon answered, voice slightly muffled. Seeing a hoard of crazy creatures –mythical and not–, speed past you screaming curses in their own languages, does that to a person.
Cloud let out a giggle, causing Leon's head to snap up. "We're all crazy, Leonhart. It just depends how much."
The brunette stared over his shoulder at Cloud, who was now tapping at the bottle in a tune he knew was 'shave and a haircut'. "What comforting words..."
Cloud smiled at Leon. "You're welcome."
"How the hell could they follow us in here?!" Sora screamed, running as fast as his big shoes could carry him, Tron at his side, Stitch latched onto his elbow, shooting at the hoard of angry creatures thundering after them through Space Paranoids.
"What did you do, Sora??" Insisted Tron, looking as panicked as a program like himself can.
Sora gulped, while Stitch stopped in his shooting to grin. "He said classical music sucks."
((END. I just wrote this today without a real purpose, so, yeah. No plot. Thankfully, I didn't actually strive to make it humour, so, it is actually funny. At least, to me it is. I've got a list of other Kingdom Hearts fanfics I should get working on, but, hell. I'm lazy. Anyway, Please enjoy and review, and, yes, I am a proud LeonCloud fan if you cant tell already.))