10. I'm a virgin and I want my first time to be with someone I respect, who won't post an announcement about it in the Daily Prophet tomorrow.

9. Gregory Goyle bet me my dick would fall off if I screwed a Mudblood, I want to prove him wrong.

8. I'm dying and the only cure is to have sex with a Muggle-born daughter of two orthodontists.

7. According to the Black family legend, if a male from the House of Black doesn't have sex within twenty-four hours of turning twenty-one the last family member to die - Bellatrix - will rise from her grave.

6. Dumbledore's dying wish was for the two of us to 'do the dirty deed' together.

5. The size and shape of my "manhood" is a question on this year's NEWT examination.

4. I'm trying to convince my mother to stop setting me up on dates with Blaise Zabini.

3. Having sex with a member of the Order of the Phoenix is part of the Death Eater Rehabilitation Program.

2. All I want to do is hug, hold, and kiss you. Just lay down next to me and I'll stop us from having sex, even if you beg me to give in.

1. Every time I have sex a house elf is set free.