Ten Things Draco Malfoy Will Never Tell You
1. After his fourth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry his parents neglected to pick him up from King's Cross station. Sitting in a Muggle cab with stolen Muggle money, a toothless man proceeded to laugh at him upon discovery that he did not know his own address.
2. He once found Millicent Bulstrode naked on his bed surrounded in rose petals.
3. In sixth year, Hermione Granger asked everyone in the library if they had seen her Advanced Potions essay. He sent her on her way with a scowl, not feeling it necessary to tell her he had just masturbated into his left hand while imaging that the hand that wrote the scribbled text on the parchment before him was the one wrapped around his dick.
4. After a heated argument, he and Blaise Zabini stood naked in their dormitory, comparing lengths and girths. He promptly began crying and squealing with fright when he wrongfully mistook an inflamed vein on his manhood for a lump.
5. The last time he had sex with Pansy, she stuck two spit-ladden fingers up a strictly no-visiting area. He came like a horse and kicked her out of his room promptly afterwards.
6. Watching Hermione spread preserves on her morning toast turns him on fiercely.
7. After hearing a nasty rumor about his body and all its glory, he attempted a hair removal charm and accidentally burnt his left nipple clean off.
8. During fifth year prefects rounds, he was immobilized by Weasley and had legilimancy performed upon him by Potter. Wishing the image of Granger naked wasn't forth-most in his mind, he wanted to crawl in a hole and die when Weasley said over his shoulder, 'I've seen it. Not that great.'
9. He walked in on Narcissa and Lucius having sex one evening. Before turning from the room in a fit of adolescent disgust, he idly pondered why he hadn't fantasized about Hermione and him in position number fifty-six.
10. The first time he was in flagrante with Hermione, he was so excited upon the removal of her bra that he quickly and swiftly blew his load.