House Christmas smut, what else can be more relaxing then to think about you're to favorite doctors going at it like rabbits? Especially when the writer's strike is happening and no new House eps are going on?

Everything credited to their respectable owners

To Una! Damn it! You better like it!!


"House, I need you for something"

House looked blankly at her then towards Wilson. He figured nothing was up and merely stared at her to give some sort of sign as to what they needed to talk to each other about.

"You see that Wilson, she's coming onto me. Keep your freak on a leash"

"Yes, oh the horror" Wilson said dryly.

"Will it include whips and chains?" he asked hopefully. She gave him an annoyed look and began to head towards the door. He got and followed. Cuddy looked back with a smile at Wilson, who received a warm smile in return, as she ushered House out the door. House looked back with a disgusted look and frown as they both began to head towards Cuddy's office. Once outside he broke the silence.

"What is it now? More patients complaining? If that's the case I don't want to hear about it"

"Of course you don't, you wreak havoc then leave me to take the fall for you"

"Exactly!"

"No this has nothing to do with that-"

"If this has anything to do with you and Wilson's sex life" he interrupted, "he likes it when you kiss him in the back of the ear when you embrace him" he sighed dramatically for effect, "I should know, we made love and cuddled, it was beautiful"

Cuddy looked at him in disbelief. "No this has nothing to do with that, either as much as the thought-oh well never mind, this has to do with tonight's oncology benefit"

House went out of his way to fetch a lollipop from the main desk and stuck it inside his mouth. He motioned for her to continue with a purse of the lips, tossing it back and forth inside his mouth from side to side. They reached her office and headed inside.

"I need you to play Santa" she said taking a paper from her desk. House looked at her incredulously and arched an eyebrow. Of all the things to ask him, and knowing there was no way in hell he would do it Cuddy hoped he would. There was no one that could do it, Chase was too young, Foreman was...obvious, and Wilson needed to be there to attend to guests. But House, House was perfect...if only he could commit...

"Santa? You know, if you mix up Santa you get Satan. Can't I just play him? He's way easier to play. And even if I were, who says that I'm going to this thing?"

"I say"

He pondered it for a moment. Dressing up as Santa, ruining the last hope of a child who spills their hopes and dreams? Why not be awarded at something that he does so well? He shrugged his shoulders and pointed the lollipop at her.

"What do I get out of this?"

Cuddy threw her hands up in the air. "You get the warm smiles of kids who think that you're going to comply with their wishes"

"Nah, if I wanted that I'd go to the cancer ward and watch their faces melt with envy while I beat their messily Guitar Hero scores"

"Look can't you just do something charitable for once?"

"For a price" he said inspecting the lollipop.

"Wait, don't think that I haven't forgotten your trick that you pulled on me! You will do this or you could do Wilson and your hours! So, if I were you I'd take this offer"

"I do this" he said slowly, "all my clinic hours are swiped clean, after my spectacular and impressive squirting idiots that walk out of here with cranberry juice through a super soaker"

"Just do it!" she bellowed.

"Ok" he said simply.

Cuddy furrowed her eyebrows in amazement. "Really?"

"Weren't you the one that just said "If I were you I'd take this offer'?"

"Yea, but I didn't think that you would go for it"

"And if I don't do this..."

"You'll take your and Wilson's hours"

"No, I was going to say, you be a dominatrix and ill be your filthy cabana boy" he asked bating his eyelashes.

She sighed and rolled her eyes at his usual sarcasm. "Here" she said, grabbing a box with an inch of dust on it from the corner of the room. "This is the suit. Don't stain it if you end up roll playing"

He opened the box and found the red suit. The red had faded a bit; a black belt went around it with a brass squared buckle. He held it up and made a face. "Damn, I was going to have a Latvian escort end up playing Ms. Clause but seemingly that you know my plan it'll be all to predictable"

"Yea, well just be here by 7"

"Yes sir"

She began to feel a migraine coming along from hearing House's voice way longer then usual. By that time it would have seemed that she'd be immune, it wasn't that, their was just something about his perpetual insults that made her even more tired then the day had to offer. Typically he would have denied it without hesitation but when his clinic hours were involved, he wouldn't mind doing something for a couple of hours to lose some days.

"Look, just go and be here by 7. You're giving me a migraine"

"Ok, oh slutty one"

She sighed. "Out!"

He walked out with the small box underneath his good arm and headed home for the day.


As soon as he got home, he flung the box at the corner of the room and headed for his couch. He plopped down and flipped on his Tivo'd General Hospital. There were bright red and white lights from outside the curtains. The constant glare began to annoy him. What was so precious about Christmas? Parents lying to their children in hope that "Saint Nick" would bring them presents? A big fat man coming down the chimney (much to Cuddy's horror stricken face, he had once said "Santa" only does that because he's a pedophile). He'd known the lie all along the way of his childhood. He never fell for the charade. It wasn't something he would let himself conform too; he never got what he wanted so why bother now? House got up and headed to the blinds, shutting them with drastic force and turning off the lights.

After watching the episode, he sat there in silence, drumming his fingertips on his leg and thinking about later on. Glancing at the box once more, he got up and grabbed it heading to his room. He laughed at himself in the mirror at how stupid it seemed to him as he slipped it on, got into his car and began going back to the hospital for slave hours at work.


"Your here!" Cuddy announced as House walked in adjusting his beard.

"I hate this and more especially I hate you"

She dismissed him. "Look, you get no "special" helpers or elves for that matter. Just do your damn job and you could forget about your clinic hours and all this once you're done. But let me warn you" House sighed at this, "you pull a stunt on me or I hear a mother coming up to me complaining saying that her kid is crying their eyes out you could forget about it. Got me?"

"Yes, now leave me alone and bring on the creeps"

Cuddy showed him to a huge chair aligned with a Christmas tree fixed on the side wrapped in strings of green and red, ornaments as big as ones fist, and towering over House by feet. He looked down at his home for the next couple of hours and sat down. A long line of kids remained as calm as they could be but by the look on their faces, the excitement began to win them over.

One by one kids were shot down, till there was one 4 year old with a shy but noticeable smile on his face. House sighed and smiled at his final victim. He motioned for him to come and the little boy bounced lightly over to were House was at.

The little boy sat stiffly on his good leg as his mother waved cheerfully.

"Easy with the leg...what do you want kid?"

"I want a pony"

"How about I" he tapped his chin thinking, "just give you a jackass"

The little boy looked at him with innocent eyes. "Whas' that?"

House leaned forward. "It's a nickname for your mom"

"Is it like a pony?" he said with an innocent tilt of the head.

"Hmmm...Yea, pretty much"

"Ok!"

The little boy hopped off his lap and ran to his mother. "Mom! You're a jackass I don't need a pony!" the little boy said with delight. The mother looked horror stricken and stomped off toward Cuddy. House sighed, throwing his head back and anticipated a melee of insults coming his way. Cuddy smiled and twirled her glass between her thumb and forefinger till the angry mother spat incoherent words at her. With an angry sigh and a raise of the head to the ceiling, she stomped off, leaving several guests in confusion to find House. He sheepishly bolted out of sight and peered strategically till Cuddy was well out of sight. House sighed and slumped to the bottom checking his watch. 9:42 it read. 18 more minutes of this hell, he told himself. He threw his head back and began to bounce it lightly against the wall till there was an "eh-hem" making a presence known. He winced at the barrage of hits about to come his way but opened one eye from the slit position and nearly choked.

Cameron stood there with a green strapless dress with her hands on her hips. Her hair was up, the strands of blonde cascading down to her shoulders and a broad smile playing her thin features. House got up and dusted himself off in an attempt to hide his obvious reaction.

"How is it that Cuddy managed to get you, of all people, to play a charitable man so unlike yourself"

"You make it seem like I'm a bad person"

"You are a bad person"

"I resent that"

"You should"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, although I don't work for you anymore, and you know that I happen to work in the ER, it would seem that Cuddy invited me"

House darted his eyes quickly past her shoulder for a sign of the leech-wombat hybrid, but no luck. There was Wilson, well on his way regretting the several martinis that he had had, and Cuddy flashing her angry eyes ever which ways to find him. He quickly focused his eyes back on her as if nothing had happened.

"Cuddy's looking for you"

"Yes, thank you for that Captain Obvious"

She smiled and turned back. He saw Cuddy turn their way. House grabbed Cameron by the arm and dragged her into a nearby closet. He locked the door and pressed his ear towards it. Cuddy's muffled, "I know he's around here...somewhere" was all that he heard before he turned toward Cameron, hitting her elbow.

"Hey!" she started. House flung his hand to her mouth and 'shhed' her mutely. She nodded and watched him walk back to the door and pressed his ear against it once more. He sighed when he didn't hear anything and laughed. The smell of Lysol gave the room a fresh smell despite the bottles of cleaner and old dirty rags with blobs of dirt and something else that Cameron couldn't distinguish.

"I think the cost is clear" he said.

Cameron made a move for the door and reached out to grab the handle. "Its locked" she said with a sigh.

"You have got to be kidding me..." House muttered. He tried the door and it jiggled open. He looked back at Cameron who smiled at him in victory and laughed lightly. "Gotcha"

"Very funny, ladies and gentlemen we have a clown in the building" he said with a golf clap. Cameron bowed and opened the door leaving it slightly ajar. Once outside she gave House the ok signal to come out.

"I have to be going now. Wouldn't want Cuddy to find me enabling you in any way"

He shrugged and with a nod headed toward his office.


He got out from the elevator and stood against the wall peering into the darken abyss and sighing in content. If he could grab his spare clothes put them on and escape Cuddles, the night would be young. He saw no one around and darted as quickly as his leg would take him. He was a few feet from his door when Cuddy grabbed his arm.

"Oh great"

"What are you 5? I tell you not to do something you do it. If I tell you to do it you do it!"

"Isn't that how we were taught when we were little?"

"Somehow I seem that you never grew up. I need to speak to you"


House listened politely, though not very attentively while Cuddy spoke pacing around the room like a hyperactive child. She stopped to look at him, jabbing her finger in the air, clearly giving him hell. She tried to keep calm, but the dirty deed that House had done brought him more time in the clinic then what he didn't have to do before the day had happened.

"House" Cuddy beckoned angrily. "You-you-you"

He got up swiftly. "Oh, you were about to say, or announce that you are going to perform something sexual in the discretion of this office"

She stopped pacing around the room and glared at him menacingly.

"Can I at least watch?" he asked with a pout.

Cuddy let out a noise that spoke for her agitation. Stalking out from his office, she left him with a smirk plastered on his face. House went over to his desk and ran his fingers along the desk. They brushed up against his iPod and smiled at the familiar 'click' that it made when tunes were just a mere click away. Tchaikovsky's June began to play as House found himself floating his hands throughout the air as a conductor would mimicking the pace of it. He slowly walked to his couch and sat down, closing his eyes and continuing his musical ensemble with his hands.

"I say she took that pretty well, don't cha think?"

House looked up to see Cameron running her hand against the door frame and stepping into his office. He followed her around till she leaned forward onto his desk, a seductive but teasing smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. She crossed the barrier that House had built and slowly took his iPod into her hands. He watched, his eyes never leaving the sight. She lifted a finger and smiled toying with the wheel of the gadget and stopping at certain artists. The piano began to slowly subside, the melody soft.

"I love this song" she said quietly, coming around his desk and sitting on it.

"What are you doing here?"

"I figured" she set the iPod down, "Cuddy would of busted you already and come here for some tunes before you left"

"The grasshopper knows the Jedi Master"

Cameron quirked a smile. "Yes, because they both fall under the same category"

"Where's the wombat" he tried. Cameron looked down at the floor then back up at him sensing that his nonchalant ways weren't as subtle as they seemed.

"I wouldn't know"

House nodded and looked around the room. People's clatter of drunken noise was of laughs and rambles outside his balcony door. He fixated his eyes on the lights from outside.

"You don't have to pretend that you're interested"

"I am" he said turning back.

"Oh" Cameron said surprised. "Well, it didn't work out...it just"

"Yea, I kinda gathered that from the 'it didn't work out' "

Cameron laughed and got up giving her back to him. "It didn't work out because we both came to a realization"

House followed her and for the first time in his life, actually listened to what she had to say. From all of the years of shooting down her ideas and not listening, House felt compelled to listen and stayed quiet.

"I still like you. I found myself unconsciously comparing you with Chase. He's nice and sweet but he's not me-"

"Damaged" House interrupted.

She sighed and turned around. "Yea. Look, I'll get going to leave you"

House got up and walked to her. His movements were shy and awkward as they both realized where they were standing. It was the exact same spots where they had been when they first kissed. Surely it was for the wrong purposes but it didn't matter. The part of the room gave off a special radiance, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

"C'mere" he said grabbing her hand in his and bringing her to the couch. "I don't know what you expect for me to do, even this, this is the most romantic I think I could ever go. And look where were at? In my office"

"I think I'll adjust fine to it"

A shy smile came across his face as he found himself leaning in for a kiss. Her lips were soft and delicate, contouring to his perfectly. There was no need to rush it. She grabbed his hand and kissed each knuckle before kissing him lightly again on the lips. Her hand ran from his chest to his stomach. He stopped her.

"You think I'm easy don't you?"

Cameron laughed.

"Your right though"

She smiled and continued to kiss him, fumbling with his belt and finally taking him into her hand. She pumped him slowly, running a finger along him and smiling in response. House swallowed hard and shallowly thrusted into her hand. Cameron moved her hips off the couch bringing her panties down and tossing them to a side. She hitched her dress up and swung a leg over him, deliberately lowering herself onto him. She sighed in content, as they both simultaneously threw their heads back. His hands roamed over her body like a foreign explorer, touching every inch of flesh his fingertips could touch. They finally settled onto her hips, bouncing her in a rhythmic pace that he had set. Cameron groaned. House began to pump faster, his orgasm increasing with every thrust. They both screamed out each others name. They both went slack, their forms seemingly lifeless. House threw his head back and sighed in content.

"You have a thing for Santa's or something" he said.

Cameron brought her head up. "Yea, if they look like you"

House smiled. "And Cuddy said I wouldn't get a helper"

"I think I did more then that" Cameron said leaning in and kissing him on the lips again.


Cuddy back peddled from her view looking into House's office and immediately rushed over to the stairs. The elevator would be too loud she mused. She jogged to where Wilson was at, sprawled and drunk on a chair less then half his size.

"James" she tried. She shook his shoulder and he groaned in responses.

"Come on, we have to get home"

He opened one eye a slit and hoisted himself up. He stood up on wobbly legs and tried to walk. Cuddy rushed over and placed his arm on her shoulder. They walked back to the car, Cuddy terrified at what she had seen and Wilson completely oblivious to everything around him. He fumbled for the door and opened it, managing to get inside. His head immediately plopped to the side as a small ball of fog began to appear on the door.

"James" Cuddy tried.

"Yes" he slurred. He began to giggle and laugh throwing his head from side to side.

"I just saw something"

"What is it?"

"House and Cameron. In House's office"

"She slept with Santa?" Wilson said, trying to straighten up as much as possible.

"I suppose...but, yea"

"Ho, ho, ho" he said with a laugh.


Late Merry Christmas, a present from me to you guys and a Happy Mutha Fluckin New Year!