Disclaimer: do not own Transformers.

Summary: (Oneshot). She was no Wendy, and he'd slowly and painfully terminate the mech who would compare him to Peter Pan. But every child needs a mother…

Warning: Crack pairing.


Frenzy—after being rescued and repaired by Daddy—proceeded to tell Daddy about the nasty, inferior insects.

"And yet if they were so inferior, how did they manage to force you into stasis?"

Daddy seemed to give a resigned sigh. "I told you to be careful about your blades."

And Frenzy thought that that was the end of talking about squishies with Daddy. However, he didn't know that Daddy would be thinking about squishies a lot. About one squishy in particular.

X x X

The result of leaving Frenzy in Barricade's care had perturbed Daddy. There were no Decepticons who would care for his younglings as he himself did. And yet…yet Daddy couldn't do this by himself. Not when there were so many of the little buggers.

His younglings needed a…needed a…now what did the insects call them again? Oh yes. His younglings needed a maternal unit. And it was Daddy's obligation to provide them one.

It had to be an insect. To choose a Decepticon spark-mate would be to put his younglings in danger; an Autobot spark-mate was preposterous. On the other hand, it had to be a strong insect; an insect that wouldn't be squished by his younglings. Thus it was only logical to choose amongst the humans who were successful in their campaign against Starscream—a pitiful stand-in for Lord Megatron—and the rest of the Decepticons.

The first two who had managed to behead Frenzy had two arguments against them. They were far too young, and they had more than ties to the annoying little Autobot known as Bumblebee—they had a bond that Daddy hoped that they would never discover, lest it be to the Autobots' advantage. No, it could not be either of them.

So Daddy moved to the humans who were at Hoover Dam. The hacker who had pierced through Frenzy's signal was of the kind that his younglings would step on without a second thought. Ditto for the arrogant agent of Sector Seven. The other one was too old, and far too much in the public eye.

That only left one candidate.

X x X

After the incidents at Mission City and at Hoover Dam, Maggie was careful—paranoid-level careful—about any car that she got into, about any electronics that she bought, and about anything that she wrote in her computer.

It was just too bad that her neighbours weren't as vigilant, because their new car—the new car with a sound system installed by their annoying brat who kept hitting on Maggie even though she threw hints that she wasn't interested—their new car had walked over to her house and proceeded to make Swiss cheese out of it.

Maggie dodged the shower of blasts that ripped through her house, swiftly taking out her pistol from under her pillow, taking off the safety, and racing outside.

There was no escape. In front of her crushed car was one of the nightmare creatures. It was large—nearly as large as Ironhide. All black, with visors tinted red and a faceplate that betrayed no emotion. On his chest plate was an all-too familiar insignia that glinted morbidly against the light of the fires that were now consuming her home. A cannon was aimed in her direction.

This was not good.

"Maggie Madsen," it—he—said. His voice was smooth and monotone; chilling and remorseless.

"Yeah?" She cocked her gun. Yes, there was no way that she was going to win. There was no way that she could even survive. However, she wasn't going out without a fight. In this mindset, one could understand why the robot's next words took her completely by surprise.

"Will you be my sparkmate?"


"Will you be my sparkmate?" he repeated calmly. Maggie could only continue to gape.

"Are you joking?"

"'Joke?'" There was a pause as he tilted his head to one side, perhaps looking up what the word meant. "No, this is no joke. Jokes are illogical and are a waste of words."

"Well what do you want a human 'sparkmate' for?" she demanded. This surely had to be a trick.

The human was being difficult. Perhaps he wasn't coming up with the proper expressions, simple expressions that her primitive processor could handle. Not that he was going to lower himself to that level, so he scanned the human Internet and found an audio file instead.

"Every child needs a mother."

"Mother?" Maggie spat out the word. "Mother to what?"

"Daddy!" Maggie tensed, but thought that she saw the giant robot give the Decepticon equivalent of a sigh as a gigantic purple bat clambered into view from behind him. It—he—perched on his shoulder.

"Did that—did that just call you 'daddy?'"

The robot—perhaps embarrassed, or perhaps dismissing her question as irrelevant, but probably both—turned his head to the side and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'Not now, son, can't you see that daddy's talking with someone?" The large purple metal bat promptly ignored him.

"Daddy, you're not doing it right Daddy," he said in childlike innocence, though Maggie knew that he had probably killed an unfortunate human that very night. "You should do it like the humans do it. You know, down on one knee and all that—"

Daddy Decepticon gave up Cybertronian entirely and switched to the English that his 'child' was conversing with. "They have primitive mating rituals."

"But she's doing what femmes are supposed to do," the bat said, pointing at Maggie's tense stance and at the determined way she was still training her gun at Daddy Decepticon's optic.

"And if I refuse?" Maggie said.

"Then I shall terminate you for witnessing the shame of my youngling."

There was another pause.

"So…so do you guys always propose at gunpoint?" she managed to finally say, with her pistol still aimed at him—not that it would do much against his cannon.

She couldn't really tell emotion on the 'bot's face—covered up as it was—but she did register some form of surprise.

"Of course."

"You are aware that I am totally against your side and would exploit you at the most opportune time?"

"Your first argument is easily remedied, and as for the second argument…I would not expect anything less."

"Well then," Maggie got up from her crouched position, pistol still cocked and ready. "This looks like the start of a beautiful relationship."

X x X

Some months later…

"What are you looking at?" hissed Frenzy as he and his cup of coffee were walking past Daddy Decepticon's quarters. Frenzy had been enraged when he found out that Daddy was going to spark-bond with a human—a human!—but had calmed down quite quickly when new maternal unit had made him something called 'coffee.' His question was directed at the rest of his siblings, who were all peaking through a crack in Daddy's door.

"Come see, Frenzy!" Ratbat hissed, perched atop Rumble. Frenzy, muttering a string of Cybertronian curses (quietly though, or else Daddy would hear and Frenzy would have to spend some time in the 'quiet corner') pushed pass his siblings and looked through the crack in the door.

There was a pause.

"What are new maternal unit and Daddy doing?"

Author note: Personally, I think that Maggie's polishing "Daddy's" armour—the giant alien robot equivalent of a nice massage.