This is inspired by crazyroninchic's Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around. Two other crazyroninchic-inspired stories that I know of are also out there, and you should check them out: Never Leave fanfiction Lying around Star Wars by BrightSideoftheDark, and alsdssg's Why Canon and Fanon Don't Mix.
Mitsuki means "full moon."
So without further ado, I bring thee Why Shinobi Shouldn't Read Fanfiction.
"Naruto-kun! Sakura-chan!" screamed Shizune. "Help! Tsunade-sama collapsed!" Naruto dropped his ramen and ran to Shizune. Sakura quickly followed.
Inside the Hokage tower, the three ninjas looked at the fallen Hokage. Sakura quickly took in the situation, rolled her eyes, and stamped her foot softly on the ground. The resulting mini-explosion woke Tsunade up quickly.
"Hey, Tsunade-baa-chan, why'd you fall over?" asked Naruto. Tsunade glared at him for the nickname, but held up a hardcover book that was covered with pink fur.
"What…is…THAT?" gasped Sakura. She grabbed the book and opened to the title page. "Ryomance Undoer the Mounligt Sky, by prettyfairyunicorn27. Shishou, what the hell is this?"
"I'm not sure," replied the Hokage grimly. "But we have to investigate it, and it looks dangerous. Shizune, round up a few of the chuunin and jonin and Jiraiya and tell them to get ready for a story."
"Yes, Tsunade-sama," said Shizune, and she left.
"Shishou…you're not seriously going to read this?" asked Sakura tentatively.
"Oh yes I am," answered Tsunade. In half an hour Kiba, Hinata, Tenten, Jiraiya, Ino, Neji, and Kurenai were gathered in the Hokage library.
"Okay, you have all been called here to help us investigate a potential threat. Just looking at it caused Tsunade-sama to faint," said Shizune. "We will each take turns reading, one chapter at a time. If anyone new comes in, they have to read the next chapter. Any questions?" asked Tsunade. "No? Good. I will begin, with the prologue."
Mitsuki loked tha door of her Tokyuo apratmant. As she wlaked dow the street all the men fainteded from huuuuuuuuge nosebleedz.
"Does this…prettyfairyunicorn27-shi have no concept of spelling?" asked Kurenai, looking over Tsunade's shoulder.
"Apparently not," murmured Tsunade. "This is just awful. Now shut up and let me get this over with."
They wer getting thairnosebellds because she was soooobeayootiful. Omg! I fergot to describe her!Anywayss, Mitsuki has long, butt-length red hair, not like orange heair but bloodyred hair. It was soooosexhay. Oh ahnd there wuzbackl streaks init. And her eyez was a purtydeep;gold that shinied like the sun. She had plae-tnanned skin
"Sorry," interrupted Neji, "but is it possible for skin to be both pale AND tan?" He looked at the medical ninja for help.
"Uh…" Ino thought for a minute. "No. No, it's not possible. Be logical, Neji-san. This girl has red and black hair. Is ANY of this possible?"
"AHEM!" yelled Tsunade. "Can I PLEASE be allowed to finish this prologue so I ca stop holding this pink monstrosity?"
"Hey, don't hate pink!" objected Naruto, glancing at Sakura.
"AHEM!" the Hokage screamed. "SHUT UP!"
She had plae-tnanned skin and a bod that was think biut not tooothinn. She was crurvy and had a really great chest. It was boig, but not like, slut-big, cuz that woulad be groass and slutty and maekher a hussy like Sunadie
Tsunade stopped reading in utter shock. Jiraiya looked away so as to hide the smile on his face. Hinata was barely holding back laughter. Shizune let out a low whistle. "She went too far with that one."
Tsunade narrowed her eyes at the book. "WHAT did she just do? How the hell does she think my name is spelled? And WHAT exactly makes me a whore?"
"Let it go, shishou. Let it go," said Sakura. "Think happy thoughts. This is a stupid girl with a stupid life. You the best medical ninja in the world and you are the Hokage of Konoha. She is small. She is nothing. Let it go."
Tsunade sighed. "Alright Sakura, but I don't know how long I can take this."
so anywayz she was walkiing to shcoole, but shde didn't rellyneaed to go cuz she was so smart1.
"Why is there a 1 instead of an exclamation point?" asked Kiba with mild interest.
Tsunade shrugged. "That's what it says."
Jiraiya spoke up. "I believe this is what we would call a Sue, Tsunade. It is basically a self-insert wherein a female author will make herself perfect. They come from a world where the history of the Shinobi nations is written down as a popular manga. They constantly use something known as 'chat speak' although I don't know why chat speak uses multiple numbers."
"H-how do you k-know this, J-jiraiya-sama?" asked Hinata.
"I learned of it while travelling. It's really quite disturbing."
Tsunade coughed loudly.
On her waiy to schkool, Mitsuki felt a shrapstabuing pain in her stomach. it was painful beyongword.s. She was two ladylikel to scream, but instead shetfeltttt herself fall to the grondh. At that momentn a car ran orver her.
"What's a car?" asked Tenten. Tsunade shrugged and kept reading.
she fetl no pain and saw a brighit whit light.
"I thought she was feeling sharp stabbing pain beyond belief a second ago?" said Naruto. "How did it just suddenly disappear?"
"Welcome to the world of the Sues, Naruto," said Ino wistfully.
Wen she opnedn her eys a pairir of stunnign blue eyes were staring her in the face…
"Oh, HELL no."
The italics are when they're reading from "Ryomance Undoer a Mounligt Sky." If you didn't know that already. Anyway, sorry its so short. But this, my friends, is only the prologue. More to come, hopefully soon.
Oh God, do you know how PAINFUL this was to type? I am an OCD must-have-perfect-spelling author. Writing Mitsuki's story was torture.