Title: In Another life
Author: Unspoken Tragedy
Spoilers: HBP and DH is all, I think
Disclaimer: I don't own Snape. I don't own Snape. I don't own Snape…
Summery: I can't chase her forever. Each step is harder and more painful than the last, but I still walk away from her.' Severus makes a decision and sticks with it. SSLE
Series: I'm seriously considering starting a series called "Why, Severus, Why?" which would include one-shots of him getting rid of Lily…
A/N: Well, I was listening to a song… and this wrote itself.
In Another Life
"Lily, I'm sorry!" But I can see the hard look in her eyes and know she wasn't listening. Years of friendship had given me that precious insight into everything about Lily Evans. Including the fact that her eyes were like mirrors in the way that they reflected her feelings.
She doesn't answer, just looks at me with those cold eyes. "I should never have said that to you- you know I didn't mean it!"
"Stop, Severus." Stop apologizing, because your best friend doesn't care. The thought is like an epiphany.
I nod, even if it feels like I'm slicing into my heart with a razor. That look is replaced with shock. As if she thought that I would never give up.
Truthfully, I never would have thought that I could give up on Lily. Merlin knows I tried to save our friendship. Yes, I made a stupid mistake. Sure, I said something hurtful. But best friends are supposed to forgive anything.
Maybe she had never been my friend at all. Or maybe Hogwarts had twisted our friendship until it withered away.
If there were ever a time that I wished I could see others' thoughts it would definitely be right now. I can see tears start to well up in her eyes and I think for an instant that she's going to forgive me.
"Things will never go back to how we were," she says instead.
I nod again, which probably is not the answer she wants. It hurts to know that I can't say the right things even to the person I love the most. I want to tell her so many things, but this time the words stick in my throat. Saying nothing is easier in its way.
I remember playing with her when we were so much younger, showing her the magic that would shape the rest of her life-
And I wish I had never met the little red-haired, green-eyed girl. And I regret wishing that. There it is: the bitterness Lily had always hated in me. Funny how she tended to inspire it too.
"I love you, Lily," I tell her in lieu of voicing the dark thoughts that run through my mind. My smile is mirthless. She starts to cry and I want nothing more than to take her in my arms.
I can't chase her forever. Each step is harder and more painful than the last, but I still walk away from her. I leave my best ex-friend crying in my wake.
When I get back to my dorm I lay down on my bed. I don't cry, not this time.
Not fighting for her is easier than I had ever imagined. I don't acknowledge her in the hallways. I partner with someone else in Potions. And when I get home to Spinners End I don't visit her.
I know I will never forget her. But I also know that the Lily I loved was more the girl I wanted her to be than the one she really was.
So, I accept her relationship with the cruelest boy in school. Even if I had always thought she was my meant to be. And I never speak to her again, as she had asked.
In the end I get accustomed to being without her. Seeing her stops being painful and I begin to take interest in others. I no longer dream of her. The pictures I kept of the two of us are filed away. I plan a future that doesn't include her.
I don't know, maybe we'll be together again sometime.
In another life.
A/N: And he finds someone else, they get happily married and have six kids.
Because I swore I would kill JK if she made 'his love for Lily' to be the reason why he did everything he did, but I would never have the heart to do so because I'm anxiously awaiting her to write something else (even if it has nothing to do with fantasy!).