Saturday, December 29 2007 - Good um... night! Sorry it takes so long with teh updating and all. And sorry for all them stories in which I haven't written new material for! I spend time on this story when I finish all my work. I'll put up some updates eventually!
Disclaimer - OMG! I almost never remember to put this up...
Molly Weasley was not one to be astonished at what her twin sons were doing. They were always impersonating each other, playing pranks on people or inventing crap.
She then started to doubt herself when one day, while taking Ronald Weasley's soiled laundry downstairs; she heard strange noises coming from their room. It was not the typical BANGS and purple smoke, but a series of squeaks and groans. Molly then decides to investigate later and continue washing the second hand clothes of her youngest son; yes, the one with the emotional range of a teaspoon; the one that likes tea on Tuesdays and wanking on Sundays.
A couple of splashes and soap bubbles later:
The whole Weasley family and Harry sat at the dinner table eating and chatting. Molly looked at all of them suspiciously, but finding nothing in particular out of the ordinary, she returned to her meal.
Molly Weasley looked up and saw Harry lying across Ron's stomach. She nearly screamed, until she saw the boy-who-lived choking on a piece of her special broccoli.
"Get him some water!" she finally yelled, causing more chaos within the household.
Fred and George got up at the same time, tripping over each others feet, knocking over the butterbeer, which spilled all over Arthur Weasley's head, who in turn caused a domino effect by pushing the platter of spaghetti on Bill Weasley, who's foot caught on Charlie Weasley's chair, who in turn grabbed onto him, and while slipping over butterbeer, fell over on each other.
The only one left standing, or in this case, sitting, was Molly Weasley, holding a teacup of half drunk tea. Let's see what happened shall we?
Ronald Weasley was still under the chosen one, who was still choking on the evil plant. Arthur Weasley was conked out by hitting his head against the wall after knocking the platter of spaghetti on Bill Weasley, who was trying to get it all off while struggling under Charlie's weight. Charlie Weasley was at present getting rained on by butterbeer, which was leaking Niagara Falls on his head; trying to get up, however, his hand slipped on the warm bubbly drink and knocked them both unconscious.
Fred and George?
Sword fighting with their wands, having a great time while the whole family plus Harry, minus Molly was suffering for their actions.
Where was Ginny in all this?
At her boyfriend's house shagging him silly.
THE NEXT DAY:
Molly was petrified; frightened that there would be incest in her kin; scared that if the boys continued to spend time together, they would be inseparable in the future, which results in no girlfriends, which results in no grandchildren, which means that-
Molly Weasley looked up to find her whole family and Harry, minus Arthur who was at work and Ginny, because she's a whore, decked out in Quidditch attire and holding broomsticks.
"Y-yes?" she stuttered.
Bill, who was the one that called on her asked, "Can we go outside and engage in recreational activities- I mean Quidditch?"
Molly, who was still wondering about the goings-on about her family, replied saucily and just a tad bit firm, "After you de-gnome the garden."
The Weasley brothers groaned in unison and went out to throw around gnomes.
"I'm envious of you" Ron said to Harry.
Alas, Molly was not comforted with the fact that it is summer and that the brothers would have more than adequate time to finish their homework and still have some to expend together.
The more she thought about it, she was sure that if it was with Ginny, she would not have been bothered as much. Therefore, she realized, she was more afraid of homosexuals in the family, especially when it was her sons.
Molly Weasley then decided to check on their son's rooms.
First up: Bill and Charlie Weasley.
Opening the door, Molly nearly screamed. She stifled it and sighed. Nothing out of the ordinary, except the fact that, last year, when Bill had a girlfriend, he broke up with her after just one day. It was all rather abnormal, especially since the girl was rather pleasant and pretty. She was about to depart when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a muggle Japanese comic book. What were they called again? Oh yes. Manga; it depicted two red-headed teenagers on the cover. Not a Manga exactly… a novel from a Manga.
"Ouran High School Host Club the novel: fan-made version." She read from afar. "They probably got it from one of those muggle conventions, those two."
Striding across the room in four steps, she took hold of the innocent Manga/Novel and rifled through the pages. She stopped at a few pages before the last and read in her mind.
"Now with Haruhi gone, I'll have you all to myself!" shouted Kaoru.
"But why?" his twin brother backed up against the wall. "You set us up in the first place!"
"Because I thought you'd be happy. Hikaru…"Kaoru knelt down in front of him. "You always seem dejected when you were with her…I just… I…"
Tears fell from his face.
Hikaru's eyes widened and he crouched down next to him, pulling him towards his body and shielding him from any invisible predators.
The younger of the twins looked up at him through wet eyes and said, "Will you forgive me?"
Smiling, Hikaru answered, "Of course. No matter what you do, I'll always love you. I didn't like Haruhi like that anyway."
Kaoru looked down. "I'm so selfish."
"I don't care! Don't blame yourself for any reason. I'll be there for you. Even if you do something that I don't like, I'll try and understand…" he pulled his twins head up and kissed him, pushing him to the floor so he would have better access to his body.
Slipping a hand inside-
"E-ARGHHHHHHHHAGHHHHHHH?!" Molly Weasley dropped the book and stepped away, screeching.
A few minutes later, she calmed down and replaced the Manga/Novel where it belonged. No, she thought, this doesn't count as evidence.
But it heightened her suspicions, so she searched the sheets of the room to see if anything was out of order.
They must be very good at hiding things…
Second: Fred and George Weasley
The twin's room was a complete mess. Dirty robes lay stacked against the walls, books and pieces of Zonko's joke items scattered across the floor.
I told them to clean this up, thought Molly; they'll have to do it when they get back or I'll have their heads.
Molly then remembered what she was doing and cleared away some of the mess with her wand. The little patch where she cleaned up look spotless, and in comparison, it was the only place where nothing lay dormant to trip up the unsuspecting victim, though whoever could miss this mess was blind or nearsighted.
And still nothing.
Well, there was something she still had not tried yet.
"Accio… um… gayness! Um… Accio?!"
It was a disaster. Everything in the room flew at her and she was forced to magically burn some of it.
She dodged some flying socks and shut the door after depleting the spell.
This proves it.
"MY BOYS ARE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"
But wait, she thought. What about Ron?
Molly tiptoed her way through the doors and up the stairs and entered the youngest brothers' room; nothing completely out of ordinary. Orange cloth and posters hung on the walls and assorted clothing draped on the chairs for later wearing. A few pieces of chocolate frog lay on the desk and the light was on. Molly 'hmph'ed and turned it off.
She looked around some more; nothing. This was extremely strange. Well… there was always the journal that Ron has under the bed of his… Reaching under, she felt around and pulled out a bundle of socks and maroon sweaters.
"So this is where he puts them…" she scolded under her breath.
Pushing her hands through again, she grabbed hold of a square shaped object and brought it through the hanging sheets, dusting it off and nonchalantly flipping through the pages.
Today is the day that I confess my love.
Molly grinned at sentence, pleased that she found it so easily.
I wonder if the person whom I shall confess my love to will love me back. I do hope so. I cannot stand to be rejected, not after pining after them for years.
Molly frowned. There was no mention of the name nor gender. She read on.
Should I sing a song under their window? I am not that good of a singer. The person would probably be freaked out and "avada kadavera" me to Jupiter after hearing it.
Maybe I should lie on their bed naked and wait for them to react. Or should I?
Molly giggled hysterically. Ron seemed to be more poetic and creative in writing.
I find life funny sometimes, the way every event in mine always happen differently than I plan it. I have decided. I will not do anything and just subtly bring them in. And then I shall sing under their window or the ever so popular, wrap myself in saran-wrap and wait for them whilst looking like a sex god on ecstasy!
Molly furrowed her brows. That was the last entry? The rest of the pages were blank. She then noticed a flap in the back that looked like a secret compartment. Pulling it open, pages of the journal flew out and a couple of pictures that are not yet known, because they were facing the floor. She put the book down and reached for the torn out pages.
Just when she was about to read, Ron burst into the room yelling, "Mom, we finished degnoming the gar--"
Ron looked at the pages that were in her hand the pictures that were facing the floor.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Ron screamed.
Molly silenced the room and but a charm on Ron to make him shut up.
"Ron, you never saw this." Molly put a memory charm on him and put the pages and pictures back in the journal, not looking at them, which was probably her biggest mistake right there.
She put it back under the bed and left in a hurry.
Ron woke up and said, "What happened?"
Deciding not to worry about it, he went out to join the others in playing Quidditch.
Molly nearly screamed in frustration. She nearly found something out! Well Ron probably already suspected his journal was in danger unknowingly and had already hid it somewhere else. She was so close! She went down the stairs and decided on making lunch, debating whether or not to dig into this at all.
Maybe I should… they are my babies after all… I have to protect them from the evils of the world. But-
"Fuck, Charlie!" Bills voice suddenly came from the bathroom.
"Bloody hell, Bill. Shut up!" Charlie's demanding voice slipped through as well.
Molly's face paled as she walked nearer.
"Who's turn is it to be on top?" Charlie asked suddenly, a little breathy.
"Me… lie down."
Her hand was on the doorknob. It was trembling.
A whimper was heard and a sigh.
Molly Weasley was extremely afraid for her sanity. She gripped the knob harder, turning her hand pasty yellow.
"I'm going to… ngggh…"
A load cry was heard and another sigh.
"Damn… that was definitely better than yesterday…"
"Not my fault… those goblins are crazy when it comes to their fair share of gold! They nearly killed me yesterday."
She turned the door knob and hesitated on opening.
"Come on, we better put our robes back on before anybody finds us. We're supposed to be out in the Quidditch field anyway…"
"Che… every time we do this, your voice looses its edginess."
"What? You want me to cuss you off? Trust me; I know a lot more swear words than about nursing baby dragons."
"I'm not saying that. Okay then. Let's get dressed."
"What? Did I go too fast?"
Molly's hand was still on the knob, half turned. She decided it was safe to open the door.
She opened the bathroom door and peered in hesitantly.
The bathroom was empty… and the window was open. She had blown her chance.
"Hey mom?" a voice suddenly entered her hearing range. "Can Fred and I go to Zonko's?"
Molly turned around and gave them her fiercest glare. "No. You know why? Because you two have not been doing your share of the house work lately! Now go wash the whole house, top to bottom! Clean your own room too. It's dirty and smelly and you bloody damn well obey me or you get no luxury in this household!"
The twins shrank back in shock and backed up.
"Mother, I think you're being horribly unfair." Charlie's voice floated over to them.
"No, I do not think so! You two! You have not been doing anything these past few days! Charlie! Go cook dinner! Bill! Go mow the lawn; muggle style! Fred, help Charlie cook! George; go somewhere and clean!" Molly gasped and heaved. "And when you're all finished, Fred and George, you will set out to do what I told you to do before these arses came into the picture!"
"But mom… I cook better than Charlie." Bill hesitantly piped up. "And he always burns the soup…"
Molly stopped breathing heavily and looked at him, suspiciously.
The oldest of the seven shivered and hurriedly said, "But I guess Fred can teach him the basics. Bye!"
They all scattered and attended their chores leaving a scared Molly Weasley and her qualms to form in her head; not like they needed forming.
After standing there for a few minutes, a knock came from the front door and she hesitated, wondering who it could be (whoever it was, was hammering on the poor piece of wood urgently); however, before she could take a step, Ron came stumbling down the stairs and into the hall where she stood, heading toward the insistent hollow noise and opening the wooden door, which turned out to be...
"Percy!" Molly cried. Percival Weasley was one of the most straight necked, straight A-ed, straight backed, sexually straight person on the earth. There was no way PERCY would ever sink to low enough that he would resort to sexually molesting the currently gay males in the family. He would be the most likely candidate for a pretty wife and he would have pretty kids, then grandchildren and great-grandchildren and so-on.
Molly grinned enthusiastically. There was hope yet!
"Percy!" Molly cried again, striding the length of the hall and into the ambitious curly-haired mans' arms, giving him a bear hug. "I'm glad you're back! How was work?"
Percy smiled stiffly and replied, "It was rather boring. You see, there were five assailants that caused many problems within the Goblin Industry units. Many people were harmed and it was my trade to call the Aurors and sanitize the area; there was plenty of blood you see. Four of the five was apprehended, one dead and it was a job well done in my opinion. I could have improved on the cleaning; however, such menial tasks are beneath me."
Molly's hope sunk. Any girl or woman would have to be insane to marry the man. But at least he wasn't gay, right?
Suddenly, she was pushed away.
"Wha-…?" She stuttered at such mannerisms. No, the girl that would get hitched with him would have to have been to St. Mungo's weekly and insane many folds. Well… at least he isn't gay, right?
"Perce!" Ron came from behind the door which he was shoved by Molly. "How was your day?"
Percy smiled warmly and leaned against the wall, closing the battered door behind him. "Well Ron. Why don't you tell me about yours?"
"Okay. Well Fred and George were bothering me while you were away and I told them to stop, but they didn't-"
Percy frowned at this.
"-so I went and slept on the couch for a few hours until it was dinner, then degnomed the garden with the guys and played Quidditch. And-"
"Okay Ron. I get it. You spent half your day doing nothing and overall did nothing but throw gnomes around and play Quidditch. Not a very exciting day if you know what I mean. But you better be careful. If you get a concussion or fall off your broomstick, I'll wait until you heal to beat the shit out of you."
"Ok! Ok, ok! No need to get violent!"
"So, what's for dinner?"
Ron led him away. "I forgot, but I don't think anything is left, 'cause all the food fell on the floor."
Molly was about to hyperventilate. Scratch that. She was already doing it.
Footsteps came from al directions and soon all the red-headed males were standing right in front of her, waving their arms and yelling at the top of their low male voices; some hoarse and some pitch.
"Mom, what's wrong?" said Bill and Charlie, how charming.
"Mother, what has happened?" said Percy, how stiff and cracked he is.
"Um… the person who takes care of the family and gave birth to us, do you need to lie down?" said Fred and George, how foolhardy they are.
"Mum, do you need to go to St. Mungo's?" said Ron, how insensitive he is.
"YOU FREAKING HOMOS! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"
In the Twins' Room:
"Wow, Fred." George exclaimed merrily. "Your illusion-drop worked like a charm; and better yet; she didn't even realize that we dropped it in her tea when we destroyed the dinner yesterday."
"Ah George my man; all this credit doesn't go to me alone." Fred lamented.
"Then I'll take it back."
"But you know what bothers me most, George?"
"It's that illusion-drop we put in tea her depicts something that could be true. I haven't perfected it and when I put it in her drink, I thought mom would wake up to see us messing up the house or something. What bothers me is that she was a homophobe and we were subjects to her imagination. It also means that we could all be gay, right now."
"… Wait… what?!"
"I said that the illusion-drop was meant to freak the victim out with something realistic. I mean, you don't put it in Ron's pumpkin juice and expect him to see puffs of white clouds, right? You want him to see spiders!"
George twitched. "I bet you can't prove that we're all gayer than rainbows."
Fred sighed. "I hoped we wouldn't come to this…"
He started to strip slowly. His shirt disappeared and soon his hands were on his belt buckle.
"Fred! What the devils are you doing?" George exclaimed incredulously.
"Why, George," Fred said slyly. "I'm just showing you a good time."
His pants fell to his ankles and his hands were teasingly pulling down his knickers.
"Oh wait!" Fred stopped. "I can't be the only one going naked. Come on Georgie!"
"FRED!" George freaked. He turned around and started wringing his hands, making him look like an idiot muggle trying to cast a spell.
Arms came around from behind him and started unbuttoning his shirt.
Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, George sighed in his head.
"Ok Fred, I can do this myself."
Fred perked up. "Ah, caught on the spirit now, have you? If this feels good to you right now, you might be gay after all."
George threw his pants off and picked slowly at his underwear, while Fred lay on their bed waving at the ceiling with one hand and turning the light on and off with his other. He looked across the room and sighed. Everything was still in it's little puddle of chaos, excluding a weird, foreign clear patch surrounded by burnt objects.
I wonder who's going to cook the dinner, Fred wondered. Mom's out cold. Can Dad cook? Nah; Maybe Percy… not Charlie; Bill's not that bad, but he can't make dessert. Ron? Haha. Ginny's probably away right now. So who else? Maybe-
"Ahhh!" Fred cried as George pounced on him. He dropped his wand and the light switched off one more time and stayed like that.
"Hello Fred." George lay on top of him while his hands were balancing his chin; his elbows were digging into the bed sheets. "What now?"
"How the bloody hell should I know?" Fred groaned. "Maybe we should test this out before we jump in and take the cake."
George poked his twin's groin, "You don't seem to be doing anything."
"Well, it's rather strange to have your twin having sexual relations with you. It's like staring into your reflection and screwing it. Also, it's like masturbating. You have to have a reason to masturbate; you see a hot girl undressing and you get a hard-on. When you look in the mirror after taking a shower, you feel like drawing on the fog. You'd have to be narcissus to be able to get off on yourself."
"Well then why did you say we might all be gay for each other?"
"Because that- argh, whatever. Apparently you weren't listening when I explained the functions of the illusion-drop."
"Ok, ok! How 'bout this then?" George picked up Fred's wand and summoned a quill dripping in ink; which color it is, no one knows, because they're in the dark.
He wrote a large "F" on Fred's face and drew a backwards "G" on his. "How's this Freddie?"
The twin at the top started poking the others' genitals again and this time, there was some reaction. Fred grew red and George smirked, using all his fingers to drag across his stomach and down.
"So we might be homos after all."
Ron sighed in his head. His mum was being weird and he was having pretty strange feelings for his older brother, Percy.
"Hey, Percy?" Ron drew his attention shyly.
They were currently sitting in his room, many Chudley Cannons posters and colors, an' all. He was on the floor and Percy sat in a chair with his left leg piled neatly on top of the other.
"Yes Ron? Is there anything wrong?"
"Well, I was wondering… um…" Ron stuttered. "Um… do you like me?"
"Of course, we're family after all."
"Um… I mean… like, you know… uh… like."
"What do you mean?"
Ron was waving his arms around wildly and trying to explain, which is, I hereby say it, nearly impossible for one such as him. "Eh, well, you know… uh…"
"Ron, are you sick, a fever perhaps?" Percy stood up and strode over to him, laying a hand on his forehead. "No, you don't seem to be having a fever."
"I'm not sick!" Ron cried out. "I'm just wondering if you love me! And not just like family, ok?!"
Percy was speechless. He hesitated and put an arm around him. "Yes, I guess I do. Sometimes you are more mature than the others and that's what I like about you. I know you make mistakes and people criticize you for it. Yes, I love you, but it's forbidden to love your brother in that way. If this gets out, it could be the biggest scandal since the warlock tax massacres in 1789."
Ron closed his eyes tight and sighed, relieved and confused at the same time.
Mr. Weasley had had a bad day at work. So far, the record stands at Aurors arresting him for trying to drown in ink, and a testimony for a stolen chocolate bar which was left unattended in the loser's staff room. Sometimes, he wondered why he even bothered waking up in the mornings. For Authur Weasley, life sucked, big time.
"Hey kids! I'm home!" Mr. Weasley tried half-heartedly to smile. He had to look like he enjoyed tinkering around in a brainless job and playing with stupid muggle contraptions, of which he only knew an insignificant amount of how it works.
Giggling was heard from above. "George, you're insane!"
"No Fred it's you."
"Maybe we're both crazy!" Twin voices shouted at once.
"Ron! Do your work. How do you expect to keep up the prefect title with such low marks? You need major improvement in Potions, Herbology, and Transfiguration. The ministry would never accept you. Charms! You are merely scraping a pass and with such dire grades, your whole life is going to fall down around you and you're going to be one of those bum-wizards that sit on the streets doing nothing but drink cheap fire-whisky out of a paper bag."
"Well it's not my fault! The teachers all have it in for me. They probably set the marks in advance and pick out a random number from a box. Hermione is the luckiest person, I say."
"No, that's not how teachers grade you. You have to put an effort into everything and if you don't then, you'd be more likely to end up dead in the gutter sometime in the future."
Mr. Weasley sighed. His own children, whom he raised and provided for, however poorly, didn't even bother answering him. "KIDS!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
The Burrow was dead silent and then tentatively, the stairs began thumping and the figures' eyes stared at him from behind the stairwell.
"GOOD EVENING. It's so nice to have your own children greet you as you come back home, no?"
"We're sorry, Dad. We couldn't hear you." Percy looked so fly and Ron stood ramrod straight as the whole assembly of brothers flustered around. Bill was a tiny bit red and Charlie looked like a wind blown piece of paper. Fred and George… were naked.
"I'm not even going to ask," he told them.
He walked up the stairs grumpily and disappeared into "the Parents" room. And he walked out again.
"Why is you mother unconscious in there?" Mr. Weasley was getting more pissed by the millisecond.
"Um… well, Mum said and I quote, "YOU FREAKING HOMOS! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" and then she fainted.
"Fred, George, what the bloody hell did you do to her?!" he shouted automatically.
"Aw, we just put a new product into her tea yesterday. We didn't do any harm; she just saw some strange things is all."
Mr. Weasley sighed and escaped back to the bedroom. Sometimes things were not worth the effort. The twins included.
"Shouldn't Harry wake up by now? It's been a day and a half."
"I slipped some of the illusionment potions into his soup."
"Oh you remind me of me sometimes, Fred."
"How lovely, George."
"Should we put some clothes on now?"
"I'm relatively fine with wearing nothing. You?"
The stairs thumped again as the brothers attended their forbidden business.
A groan was heard from the couch.
"Where am I?" asked Harry Potter.
He was answered with squeaks, moans, slaps and explosions coming from upstairs.
"Ow… my head…"
Like it? I sure enjoyed writing it. It was like... 9 pages and 1/15 in size 12 font in Microsoft. I might put up a bonus chapter here. I just need requests. I hope you don't vote on the explicit stuff. I'm not good at those. Mweehee...
The Ever So Sarcastic MeowMeow66 X3