Clueless Experts

A/N: This takes place in episode five from season seven entitled, "It's Only Rock and Roll." I caught it on television last week and this came to me when it aired again last night on a local channel. It's a smutty, fluffy one-shot about what I think should have happened after the scene (in italics below.) This is a re-posting because my it was discovered by my nosy brother on another account.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from That 70's Show... if I did, Jackie would have been played by me!

Rating: Definitely M... for Sexuality and Language.


Donna: Fez, are you okay? I haven't seen you look this awful you found out Candy Land's not a real country.

Fez: It's the bunnies, man; I haven't slept in a week.

Kelso: It's only been one day.

Jackie: Fez, why would you do this to yourself?

Hyde: 'Cause he can't get anybody else to do if for him.

Fez: I don't have the will power to keep these magazines, Kelso, I'm just a boy.

Eric: Well, I'd take 'em off your hands, but I don't wanna actually touch your hands.

Kelso: Okay, buddy, I think you're better off. Just hand the magazines over to me.

Fez: Alright.

Kelso: Fez, your not letting go.

Fez: Oh, sorry.

Kelso: Your-your still holding on.

Fez: Look, a robot!

Eric: Man, you fall for that every time.

Kelso: Yeah? Well, one day there's gonna be robot and all you suckers are gonna miss it!


Sitting on Hyde's lap, Jackie rolled her eyes at Kelso. He could be such a moron, sometimes, and everyday she saw him, it amazed her that she had dated him for so long. "Yeah, okay, Michael." She wasn't upset that he didn't answer her, he was now arguing with Eric about whether landspeeders would be invented before robots. Ugh. Flipping her hair over her right shoulder, she unintentionally shifted on Hyde's lap. His legs were still crossed, and she was having a difficult time balancing, even with his arms around her waist.

Hyde did his best to keep his breath from audibly catching when she squirmed in his grasp. He had to do something, so he placed his chin on her left shoulder, and whispered in her ear. "Stop moving, Jackie." It was getting increasingly difficult for him to let her sit in his lap, and if he uncrossed his legs, she would know it.

She turned her head to the left and placed a quick kiss to his lips, then put her lips to his ear, her voice breathy. "Why, Steven?" Wiggling around a little, she watched as he raised his eyebrows above the rims of his sunglasses. She was taken by surprise when he uncrossed his legs, dropping her into his lap, forcing her to stifle her slight gasp at both the fall and the lump in his jeans that had broken her fall.

Glad that he had kept eye contact with her as she dropped directly onto his groin, he felt a spike of satisfaction at the mischievous smile on her face. Putting his left cheek to hers, he grunted quietly. "So?" When her smile only widened, he lifted her off of his lap and stood behind her so that his problem was hidden from everyone else.

Jackie was glad they had lots of practice at sneaking out of the crowded basement to be alone because she knew to always have an excuse ready before they left the chair. "I'm gonna help Steven find something to wear to work tomorrow." She laughed. "His wardrobe doesn't exactly fit the definition of 'Business,' so I this is really a test of my skill." Laughing again and being careful to shield his body with hers, she grabbed his right hand with her left and led him to his bedroom.

Once inside his room, Hyde closed the door and locked it behind him as Jackie made her way to the radio. They had decided back at the beginning of their relationship that if they were going to chance getting caught by their friends, music would help cover the sounds that they made. Plus, Jackie refused to get naked without the music on when someone was in the outer room, so he caved. He couldn't do the things he wanted to do to her when she was clothed.

Looking up from the radio after tuning it to his favorite rock station, Jackie saw Hyde had removed his glasses and was staring at her. She unfastened the front of her pants and began to sway her hips softly to the beat of the music as she slowly walked toward him, looking into his eyes to see the storm of lust that swirled within them.

Man, she was so sexy; her body slowly closing in on his, her hips still slowly rocking from side to side. He felt the tightening of his jeans getting harder to bear as she finally reached him, standing next to the door, and put her tiny hands on his hips, pulling them flush with hers. Groaning as her fingers trailed around his waist to find the button of his jeans, he felt her slowly pop it from the hole that held it and starting to move the zipper down over the part of him that ached for her.

After his jeans were unfastened, she pushed them down over his slim hips and watched his erection spring free from them as they dropped to the floor. Tearing her gaze from his nakedness and looking into his eyes, she formed a pout. "Now, Steven, what was that talk we had about wearing boxers under your jeans?" Grabbing the waist of her already unzipped Capri pants, she pushed them down over her hips and stepped out of them, shaking her head with mock disappointment.

He reached out, taking the little strings on the front of her red and white striped shirt in his hands, and gently untied the little bow. Looking at her pouting face, he grinned widely and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "That they just get in the way?" She laughed and she swatted lightly at his Rolling Stones shirt, letting both of her hands linger on his chest and drop to the hem of the fabric. Grasping the garment, she pulled it up, over his head, and walked over towards the bed. He watched her ass, still covered by a pair of barely there panties, as she bent down to un-strap both of her high-heeled sandals.

Not startled when she felt his arms wrap around her waist, she let him pick her up, out of her shoes, and lay her down on the cot. Watching as he descended toward her, lying next to her, she gladly accepted his open mouth when it reached hers. Wrapping her arms around him as their tongues danced feverishly, she hooked her left leg around his right one and pulled him closer so that he was laying half on top of her.

Breaking the kiss, Hyde smirked at the put out look on her face and just shook his head. "You know..." Pulling himself up so that he was sitting next to her, he reached out with his hands and pushed the sleeves of her shirt down so that the top swells of her breasts were visible. "I really don't like it when you wear this shirt around me."

She looked up at him like he had just spoken in German. "You don't, huh?" She just shook her head. "And here I thought it was one of your favorites."

He put his face to the right side of her neck, trailing kisses over it and her shoulders as he spoke. "I," kiss. "Just," kiss. "Can't," kiss. "Stop," kiss. "Thinking," kiss. "About," kiss. His eyes met hers. "Taking it off of you." Dipping his head down to nuzzle the valley between her breasts while running his hands down her shirt to the hem, he pushed it up to reveal her nakedness. "It's even worse when you don't wear a bra." After pinching her hardened nipples lightly with the thumb and forefinger of each hand, he lowered his mouth to the left peak, dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin gently as she moaned.

Throwing her head back against the pillow, Jackie reveled in the feel of his hot mouth against her skin and made sure not to scream when his mouth traded the left nipple for the tip of her right breast. Wrapping her arms around his head, running her fingers through his hair as he suckled, she reached her leg around his again and began rubbing her foot against the inside of his thigh. Instead of pushing her away this time, he brought his body over to lie on top of hers, allowing her to wrap her legs around him and grind her soaked panties over his swollen cock.

"Fuck!" He groaned and used his right hand to still her hips, sliding it under the waistband of her underwear. "I forgot about those damn things." He rolled over, pulling her on top of him and pushed the waistband over her hips and down her thighs so that she could kick them off. His hand darting between her legs as he rolled her back underneath him, he slipped one of his fingers inside of her soaking wet folds. Hearing her moan, he began to thrust his fingers in and out, hooking the tips to rub against the sensitive spot inside of her and rubbing her clit with his thumb.

Writhing under his hand and gripping his body fiercely, Jackie was moaning uncontrollably as she got close to reaching her climax. Her mind foggy, she snaked her left hand down in between their bodies, slowly wrapped her thin fingers around his hardened dick and began to stroke him. Groaning at the feeling of her hand on his cock, he slid his slick fingers from her pussy, and gripped her hips, capturing her mouth with his as he moaned her name into her kiss.

Slowly, he shifted his hands from her hips to her ass and lifted it to the line up with the end of his throbbing shaft. Taking the hint, Jackie used her hand to guide the head of his cock inside of her, allowing her legs to spread by relaxing her muscles. They both groaned as he filled her and pulled out slowly, beginning to move in and out of her aching core. Her hand snaked around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers to muffle the soft cries that were escaping her mouth, her hips matching his increasingly frantic rhythm as he drove into her. When the walls surrounding his dick began to shudder, he increased his pace, and her screams, as he came inside of her and stroked them both through their release.

Still coupled, he lowered her hips to the bed and collapsed with her beneath him, then rolled over so that she was lying on top of him. She was straddling his hips, her legs still wrapped around his waist, so she started to wriggle them out from under his body. He met her eyes with his and shook his head, wiping the damp hair that had come loose from her ponytail off of her forehead before pulling her down for a sweet, languid kiss. His hands ran down her back and came to rest on her hips as he tried to pour his heart into her mouth.

Pulling her head back to look into his beautiful blue eyes, Jackie smiled down at the rebel that held her heart. "I love you, too, Steven." Seeing the uncomfortable look come to his face that always showed up at the L-word, she cupped his cheeks in her hands and rested her slick forehead against his. "You can't hide it from me." She kissed his lips again, softly, and slowly rose from his body and the cot, instantly feeling the void between her legs where they had been joined.

Putting his hands behind his head, he watched her as she started the quest for her clothes. The way she wrinkled her nose at her damp panties, her discarded shirt, and her wrinkled pants, any other guy would have rolled his eyes. Hyde just stared, still awestruck that someone that picky had chosen him, stuck by him, and loved him. He knew he was lucky to have her, that he loved her more than anyone would ever know, but he still couldn't bring himself to vocalize it; even though he knew how much she longed for him to. Little by little she was wearing him down, threading her way into his life, and he was powerless to stop her.

Looking on as she bent over, he saw her open the bottom drawer of the dresser. Her drawer, she called it; the place in his room that he gave her to keep her girlie stuff. She had presented her case to him six months ago, saying that they couldn't keep having their little trysts in the occupied basement if she couldn't check her appearance before they walked back out. He actually didn't hate the idea of her keeping the hairbrush and mirror in his room, but he still milked the discussion for all it was worth. He told her that it was his room and he didn't want her to take it over with her stuff, she pouted until he gave her what she wanted, and then she thanked him in the way only she could… by loving him.

Startled out of his reverie when his clothes were thrown at him, he quickly dressed and stood behind her, wrapping her in his arms. Placing a soft kiss on her jaw, he broke the silence. "So, do you think they'll ever figure it out?"

Turning to face into his embrace, she gave him a small peck on the lips. "Nah." She dropped her hands to his and led him towards the door. "We're experts at sneaking around." A strange grumbling noise filled the room, and Jackie watched as a guilty smile spread over his face. "You hungry, Puddin' Pop?" She let out a small giggle at the face he made when she used his nickname.

Holding her left hand in his right, he gave her a wicked grin. "You wore me out, babe." He grabbed his glasses off of the nightstand and slid them onto his face. "You wanna go get something at the Hub?" Not waiting for her answer he led her out of the bedroom door.

Walking through the basement, Jackie announced loudly that, after an extensive search of his wardrobe, they were going to have to go to the mall to get Steven some work clothes. Not one of the four people in the basement believed her, but no one bothered to call her on it. Watching the outside door close behind the couple, Eric just shook his head. "Someone really needs to tell them that they aren't as quiet as they think."


A/N: So, what do you think? Are you as dirty-minded as me? Because I think that this happened every time that she sat in his lap. Please review!