A/N Lol this is more of a venting fic so I'm seriously sorry if it sucks. It's a two shot. Hope you like it I guess haha.
I sat in math class, staring at her. It had been a few days since she was gone, and now she's here, it's hard for me to explain. I'm falling for one of my new my best friends and I don't want it to happen. I don't even know how it happened, one night, we were talking, and then soon after I realized I was crushing. Crushing hard and I couldn't do it.
I took a deep breath and cupped my face as I glanced across the table and to her. She started giggling as she received another text message from her phone. Its weird how two enemies become friends and I don't know, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I mean, sure I'm having these weird feelings for her, but I can't help it. I just don't know what I want anymore.
I turned into the direction of the call and realized that it was Oliver calling me. I rolled my eyes and moved closer to him as he put his hand on my shoulder.
He leaned close to me until his lips practically touched my ear.
"You're making it obvious." Oliver whispered and I blushed, lightly hit him across the shoulder, and I looked down.
"Shut up." I pulled away from him and blushed.
I put my head down and sighed. It was typical for Oliver to do this to me, as always. He always made it obvious that I was looking at her just by saying that and I hated it.
I didn't want anyone it now about it, I mean, a lot of people knew I wasn't straight, but I still wanted to keep it a secret. She knew I wasn't straight either and she'd be one to always joke around with me when I wanted her to joke with me. It was cute how she'd giggle when I play around with her. I don't know I just found her giggle adorable, or the way she'd smile because it was so big and innocent. Ah, she's just so cute.
I blushed harder and then felt a tap on my shoulder. I bit my lip and took a deep breath as I looked up. I found her staring straight at me with her hand on my arm. She smiled and winked.
"What are you doing?" She asked and I shook my head while smiling.
"I'm thinking, Mikayla, I'm okay." I replied and she smiled.
"Just wondering. I didn't want to miss anything up front." She replied and turned her head back to the front. I sighed and dropped my head back down. I hate this so much and yet I can't help it.
I put my hand on my thigh, which slightly stung form what I did the night before. I pursed my lips as my thigh stung from the cuts. Yeah, I cut because I realized I loved her. I didn't want to love Mikayla, but now I do and I hate myself for it. She trusts me so much and here I am, cutting myself just because I can't handle the feelings she gave me. I don't want to love her and yet I do. Damn it, why does this have to be so complicated?
I pressed my fingers into my thigh and bit my lip hard.
"Damn it, I have to stop this."
I whispered and pulled my hand away from my thigh. I was about to go look up to the board when the bell rang so instead I collected my stuff and got up and out of the class as quickly as I could. There's no use to stay back and wait for her and Oliver.
I lay on my bed with Lilly next to me. She was trying to help me out with my problem, yes, my Mikayla problem and it sucked. She kept on telling me to tell Mikayla how I felt and maybe she'd feel the same way, but I doubt it.
Nothing good would come out of it even if Mikayla disliked her and only hung out with us because of me. I don't know what made me like her so much, the fact that she came personal with me or the fact that she's so pretty. But she's more than pretty. She has such a good personality and that's what I love about her. She's sweet and seems so innocent and, gah, it's just so confusing and I don't want to actually be in love with her. It's just wrong in so many ways and it hurts to know she has someone else. Nothing good will come if Mikayla knew and I hate it.
"Come on Miley, what bad could come out of this? Seriously, maybe she'll feel the same for you, you'll never know." Lilly said as she rolled on her back beside me.
I turned my head to look at her. "I'm just scared, it's wrong, everything is wrong and I can't do this." I dropped my head. "I'll forget it, like how I forgot about Jake. It's a painful process, but I'll still get through it." I replied and looked away.
It just hurt you know? I didn't want anyone knowing about my crush and yet everyone knows of it except Mikayla. Each time I'd give her hints that I liked her, but nothing too big, I don't want her to know yet; I want her to know when I forget about this silly crush.
"Ugh, you're so difficult. I tell you to tell her, but you say you're going to forget about it. Is that really how you want it to be?" Lilly asked with much concern in her voice.
I pursed my lips. No, this is not how I want it to be. I want everything to be fine, I want everything to be normal and I just hate that I had to fall for her. This is the last thing I wanted and it happened. I let myself crush on her and let the crush go on. I shouldn't have let this happen and now that I did, it's hard for me to let her go.
A/N Kay that's the end of the first part. Hope you liked it. Sorry if it's slightly depressing haha. And short. Please review. I should have the next chapter out soon.