I stared out through a crack in the door, too thin to see through. But there was light, yellowish and solid. I could see if it was interrupted by, say, one of the maids. Or, worst case scenario, the praying mantis.
And I listened to the outside, too. In the hallway. There weren't any steps, but there might be soon. And it was raining, the tippity-tap tattoo on the ears, distracting me so I wasn't listening to what was going on inside.
They were whispering, because that wouldn't draw my attention.
"Please, please. Only once."
"If He knew…"
"He won't." A short pause. "And don't say it like that."
"He. Capital-H He."
"Oh. I didn't mean to."
"I know. I know. Please?"
"I won't ever ask again."
"You will, though. You always will."
"Yes. It's because. We can't keep doing this."
"As long as he doesn't know, it'll be fine."
"Wait, He will –"
"Don't say it like that."
"But he'll know. He always knows. Everything."
"I need it."
A long, long pause.
A moment to get their breath back.
"Yuki. I wish I could get you out of here."
"We all wish a lot of things."
"Don't say that. It's not Rin's fault."
"No. It's not."
"Don't give me that. It's not mine, either."
"Okay, it's a little bit my fault."
"I forgive you."
Another long pause.
"No more. I won't give you any more."
"Alright. I can manage without for a while."
"No more ever, Haru."
I blinked. The yellow band of light had flickered. Now I listened to the hallway as hard as I could, and cursed the rain for making this so hard. No footsteps…
…The only one who didn't have footsteps was…
I stood up as quietly as I could, and hurried to Haru. "We need to go."
He whispered something like 'goodbye' to the Rat.
I grabbed his arm and pulled as hard as I could. "Now."
He straightened and moved toward the door, but I tugged again. "No. Window. Praying mantis."
So we scrambled out as fast as we could. Haru fell down to his feet first, and caught me by the waist when I jumped. We ran, slipping and squishing in the mud, with his arm around my shoulder.
The wetness on my face had an excuse, then. The rain was heavy, and drowned out the sound of Haru and Yuki kissing while I kept watch. It washed it all away.
The rain helped me forget.
And in the end, I was the one with his arm heavy and warm at my back.