"Oi! Young man! Would you mind coming over her for a second?"

"Look, Mr. Atmey! Stop talking to me! I'm just here to check in on the rest of the prisoners here! I'm only a security guard! Leave me alone!"

"Zvarri! A security guard, eh? I knew a security guard once..."

"Shut up, man! You're really annoying me! Besides, you're talking about Ron, right? The guy you blackmailed? Ron Delite, I think it was..."

"Ah! Yes, yes, yes! I know who you speak of! He was that man in the pink rabbit suit who liked cornchips, correct? He kept shooting me with his laser...now I don't have a spleen anymore..."

"Mr. Atmey...did you take your daily government-provided pills today? Please say 'yes' so I can get on with my life!"

"Those crappy pieces of do shit that look like curdling pies? As if I would ever stick those things down my throat! Luke Atmey, Ace Detective, doesn't take no pills, mistah! No pills for Atmey! Heh heh heh..."

"You really should have taken your pills...they keep you 'under control'..."

"Ha! Luke Atmey does not need help keeping control! I control the servers of the entire Earth Network! I am God! I am God! I am God! By the way, I have something to tell you..."

"Would you mind just shutting up for now and going to sleep? I'm getting a headache..."

"I want to tell you about my life as a young boy and when I became obsessed with getting noticed by the public..."


"It all started when I was 3 years old. I lived in a small countryside town east of Florida. My father had run off with our plumber a year ago and my mother had fallen into complete denial about my father's absence. She wuold buy extra clothes and food for someone who wasn't even there, but she never noticed. It disturbed me greatly..."

"God...make it stop...I beg you...save me!"

"Eventually, my mother died and I was left an orphan. I was passed over from orphanage to orphanage, from family to family...but no one ever wanted me. After a while, I became an adult and felt pain in my heart. This pain was because I was so ignored and neglected as a child...that I had a desire to be noticed at any cost! Even if it was for all the wrong reasons!"

"Ahh...I think my brain is going to explode...agh...ahh..."

"I contemplated commiting a huge suicide attempt to appear on the news, but I didn't want to die or risk any chance of dying, so I dismissed the idea. Then I considered homocide, murder, killing, destroying, cannibalism and selling fake Borders Gift cards, but they were all massive failures..."

"You actually TRIED cannibalism? Faggot..."

"Yes, well...after living in the sewers with John Lennon and Elvis for a few years, I finally came up with the idea to be an Ace Detective! And...here I am! Proud as a monkey in a wheelbarrel! PSHAAAAAAAA!!!!"

"I hate you..."

"Zvarri! Krabby Patties!"





"...Am I supposed to say something now or what?"

"Beats me, security man! I'm only here for the LAWLZ! Zvarri!"




"Zvarri! Zvarri! Zvarri! I hear you! Zvarri! Zvarri!"

"Jesus...kill me now..."

-Guard gets shot out of nowhere and dies-