My pimpin' readers think that I'm quite good at fluff, so here goes!


Jarlaxle lay on the beach, content with the world, and relaxing in the warm sun. He lay there, only in his breeches, his cape protecting him from the itching sand below.

He had left everything but his hat and his cape in the room he and his partner and crime, the assassin Artemis Entreri, shared. He adjusted the hat going from the dome of pressed onyx that was his cranium to the sculpted features of his face. The drow lay there, just enjoying the sun, unable to see all the dirty looks thrown his way by passers by, and soon fell asleep.

He was awoken by a sharp pain in his big toe on his left foot, and sat up to see what it was. A creature as black as night sat there, a huge pincer attached to his toe, and a second one waving about quite menacingly. The creature was about a foot long, including the great armored tail that lay strewn out behind it.

Jarlaxle sat bolt upright, waving his foot about, trying to dislodge the armored beast. He kicked and flailed, drawing a great deal of attention to himself, as a result of his movements, his screaming, and his incessant swearing in the drow tounge.

When Jarlaxle had finally dislodged the creature, he swept up his cape and his hat, and marched off to his hotel, favouring his injured foot. He just happened to walk in on Artemis preparing for dinner, a napkin tucked into his collar. The drow sat down across from his friend, and placed the napkin into his collar the same way the assassin had.

Artemis evoked the discussion: "What's new?"

He sat back and listened as Jarlaxle replied, "I was laying on the beach and fell asleep only to wake up to this beast with claws ravaging my foot!" He proceeded to describe the creature, and as he spoke, the waiters brought out their dinner on covered metal trays. "Your lobsters, sir," and he removed the tops, revealing a lobster much like the creature that attacked Jarlaxle on the beach that afternoon.

The drow used his brooch to levitate up to the rafters, screaming curses at the shellfish as he rose. The assassin at the table below snickered at his partner and the baffled waiters who had brought the food out.

Once he had calmed down a bit, Artemis called up to his partner, "It's fine, we eat lobsters as food, they aren't all evil," to demonstrate, the assassin grabbed the mallet that had been brought with their meal, a gleaming instrument with one hooked end and one blunt end, slammed the hammer into the back plate on the creature, piercing the tender meat that rested underneath.

This seemed to calm the hovering Jarlaxle just a bit, and he floated down to eat.

As the duo ate, the still stunned waiters brought forth a bottle for each of the diners. Jarlaxle, being the drow that was naive to the ways of the surface that he was, he uncorked the bottle, and began to drink. Artemis smirked, and proceeded to uncork his bottle and pour the contents ever so carefully onto the fried potatoes that had been brought with the meal.

The drow lowered the bottle from his lips to say, "This is disgusting. What is it?" and proceeded to chug the remainder of the bottle, to which a snickering Artemis replied, "It's vinegar. It's sour wine that is used as a condiment, not a beverage." A frown was summoned to his face as he recalled the incident with the mustard.

The drow removed the empty bottle, and placed it down on the table before calling the waiter over for more.


Frankly, I got this idea in a dream. Reviews from everyone, please and thank you very much!!!