Thank you so much to everyone who has supported the show. I have a new episode for you. Its been a while so it may not be quite the same, but I really tried! I can't promise continuing shows anytime soon, this was just a spur of the moment thing that was half written way back when. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the thoughts in my head (which include, but are not limited to Tim! and the HP-obsessed audience!)
George: What's in a name?
Fred: Is that a trick question? Let me think, let me think. What's in a name? … Letters are in a name.
George: That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Fred: Who's he?
George: Never mind, you're a hopeless cause.
Fred: Fine. Be that way. Just for that I'm not going to tell you that there's something between your teeth.
George: Except that you just did, ha! Wait, what!?! Tim, I need a mirror!
Tim: Pulls a mirror out of his pocket and hands it to George;
George: Obsessively examines his teeth in the mirror;
Fred: What else have you got in there, Tim?
Tim: A nine volt battery, my kitchen sink and an anchovy.
Fred: I hate anchovies.
Tim: I put them on my pizza.
Audience: Collective gag noise;
George: There isn't anything stuck between my teeth!
Fred: Welcome back to the conversation. Besides, that's what I said. If you listened you would have heard me when I told you "I'm NOT going to tell you that there's something
between your teeth."
George: Why I ought to-
Tim: get on with the show!
Fred: What a novel idea Tim! Come on Fred, help me in welcoming our audience!
George: I'm Fred.
Fred: Is that your final answer?
George: You know what I meant, you're Fred.
Fred: Same difference, are you going to help or not?
George: Welcome to yet another episode of The Fred and George Variety Hour!
Fred: We, surprisingly, have yet to be sued!
George: Why would someone want to sue us?
Fred: Not us, just you.
Fred: Yes! You!
George: What did I ever do?
Fred: Oh, I don't know, threaten the audience?
George: But they were being evil!
Fred: Worshiping Harry Potter is evil? What ever happened to freedom of religion?
George: Harry Potter?
George: Shut up!
Fred: If you're not good I will make this The Fred Weasley Variety Hour.
George: You wouldn't!
Fred: I would!
Fred: Right, well that's our cue!
George: Yes, let's cut the monotony and bring out our special guest.
Fred: Marty the Annoying Muggle!
Audience: Applauds while looking confused;
George: Welcome Marty the Annoying Muggle!
Marty: Actually, its Marty the Muggle.
George: That's what I said.
Marty: No you said 'Marty the Annoying Muggle'.
George: No I didn't!
Fred (to Marty): He just said 'Marty the Muggle'.
Marty: I'm offended.
Fred: See that little brother, I told you he was annoying.
George: Little brother? I'm older than you.
Fred: And you never let me forget it!
Marty: Um, excuse me?
Fred: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Marty: I thought I was the special guest here.
George: We have yet to figure out what is so special about you.
Tim: Wrap it up guys we're coming to a commercial break.
Marty: But we haven't had a chance to talk about me yet! Are you sure it has to be right now.
Tim, Fred & George: YES!
Tim: That's go to be the first time they have agreed on anything!
Commercial: I'm Stan and when my pet Crumple Horned Snorkack ruined my brand new white carpet I called Winky's House Elf Cleaning Service. They did an abysmal job and stumbled around my house drunkenly for days. I had to hire another company and pay extra for the vomit stains. Thanks Stan. I'm Winky of Winky's House Elf Cleaning Service and I approve this message.
Fred: What would Dobby say?
George: Dobby is most displeased; he must go torture himself now, either that or something about stalking Harry Potter.
Marty: So now its all about me?
Fred: Sure, why not. So why don't you tell us about how you got your name.
Marty: Well it all started off on a dark and stormy night in the deserts of Los Angeles. A woman named Martha was heading home from work to her husband and their 17 kids. She was unhappy and wanted to get away. She worked as a pineapple farmer and-
George: Let me interrupt you right there Marty, we don't need your life story. Tell us about your nickname 'the Muggle'.
Marty: Funny you should ask, I was just getting to that. So anyways, Martha was a pineapple farmer in Antartica.
Fred: Let me stop you there. I thought you said she was in Los Angeles.
Marty: No I definitely didn't.
George: I'm going to have to back my brother on that one.
Marty: No, I simply stated that it was a dark and stormy night in Los Angeles. Not necessarily stating that she was in Los Angeles. You just assumed.
Fred: And when you assume you make an ass out of you.
Marty: And me.
Fred: That's what I said. He definitely lives up to his name. What do you say we get rid of him folks?
George: That's got to be the first time they have cheered for something other than Harry Potter.
Fred: Great, here we go again.
George: You stupid people, stop cheering everytime I say his name.
Fred: Whose name?
George: Harry Potter's.
Fred: I'm a great banana, swinging in a tree.
Fred: I look like Fred. And Fred looks like me.
George: I am Fred.
Fred: I know, that's what I said.
George: I'm just kidding. I'm George.
Fred: Well obviously, I know I'm Fred, duh.
Tim: Wrap it up guys.
Fred: Yeah Tim, we haven't done a fun activity that then classifies the show as a 'variety hour'.
George: Because we most certainly aren't an hour long.
Tim: Come on guys, let's finish it up.
George: Fine. Calm down Tim.
Fred: Really man, just chill out dude.
George: Not even going to comment on your English slang.
Fred: My English is perfectly fine, allow me to demonstrate. Good night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
George: How do you know Shakespeare?
Fred: You don't? Which turnip truck did you just fall from?
George: But you said-
Fred: Since when do you believe anything I say?
Much love guys, thanks for the support!