Hermione Granger takes her crusades to extremes, as we saw with SPEW. This time, she's had seven years to stew over this injustice. That's about six years, eleven months and twenty-nine days longer than I would want that Witch plotting revenge in my direction. Fair warning: Hermione is the brightest Witch of her time and her language will reflect that. You may want a dictionary handy.

I created the idea of this story, and my Significant Other Greeneyes supplied most of the language and terms. (I have a dictionary, but with Greeneyes around, who needs it?)

Dedication the first: To Greeneyes, who has been my Hermione since we were three.

Dedication the second: To Raven, who can drag me out of a book, (sometimes) break my bones, and still make me enjoy it.

There will be more of this story, but it will come slowly. I love to write, but Greeneyes doesn't have my obsession about writing and it took me quite some time to get her to write this with me. I make no promises as to when we will reach the end.

Rewrite Notes: Having had too much time on my hands, no computer access and a hard copy of some of my stories, I just had to change a few things in the story and while that went on, Greeneyes finally consented to help write Chapter two which is going up today as well.

Best Friend's Justice

By Ravenwood240 and Greeneyes

The Dursleys

Hermione Granger was a calm, rational type of person most of the time. Logic and reason were her watchwords and her way of life. She followed the rules and rarely got in trouble.

Most of the time.

Sometimes, something would arouse her emotions, and then calm, rational Hermione would change. Fourth year, it had been S.P.E.W., and almost every year, it was something to do with Harry Potter.

That wasn't really a surprise, as Harry had been her closest friend for seven years now. One thing that raised her emotions, though, absolutely no one knew about.

For seven years, she'd watched Harry come to Hogwarts, skinny, shy and with a haunted look in his eyes that wouldn't go away until nearly Halloween. It would come back about a week before the end of the year, and Hermione hated it.

She knew about the Dursleys, of course. Harry had very few close friends, and she was the only one he had that he could talk about anything serious about. Ron was a good friend, (most of the time) but he had the typical boy attitude, that serious feelings were something you hid and only looked at under the covers at night.

Hermione had carefully tracked everything Harry let drop or told her about the life he led at the Dursley's, and with every abuse, each neglect, her hatred grew. By sixth year, Hermione had to leave her wand in her trunk to avoid cursing the Dursleys on sight.

It was a trip to Diagon Alley that summer that gave her the idea. She'd snuck into Knockturn Alley, looking for a book on Dark curses, hoping to find something that would help Harry destroy the final Horcruxes.

She hadn't found anything in that regard, but she had found something else. A thin black book with two straps on it, holding it closed. The spine of the book read, 'Muggle Baiting, A Guide to Tormenting Them and Not Getting Caught.'

She'd skimmed the book, and then bought it, raising the eyebrows of the clerk, who offered to sell her a few things not in plain view. She'd declined, pleading the lack of time and promised to return later.

She had read the book, disgusted at the mindset that made such a book possible, while admitting to herself that she needed the information in it. She recognized the hypocrisy in her thinking, but this once, she didn't care.

The book detailed several things you could do to Muggles, which would be written off by Muggles and Wizards alike as bad luck or other "normal" occurrences.

For the first time, Hermione found herself stumped by an intellectual puzzle. She had to do something to the Dursleys that was equal to Harry's torment for sixteen years, while remaining within her moral guidelines. Since she would not have given them an instant of pity if Bellatrix Lestrange had found them that was a very difficult thing to do. It took her nearly six months to find the vengeance she wanted, one that stayed within the things she was willing to do, that wouldn't make her Dark in her own eyes, but that would be justice for the things they'd done to Harry.

By the time she'd decided on their punishment, she'd been out of Hogwarts for three months and Harry had killed Voldemort nearly four months earlier. The final battle had cost too much, with Ginny, Ron, Percy, Colin and Lavender all dying, and more than a dozen others had been in St. Mungo's for a week or more. More people had died, but Hermione hadn't known Diggle or the real Moody that well, and the others she hadn't known at all.

The final battle had interrupted her plans for two weeks, until the night Harry had come to her parent's house, drunk as a Lord. He'd been a morose and verbose drunk, and Hermione had learned things about the Dursleys in his drunken ramblings that infuriated her all over again.

Harry had slept off his excesses on the couch and hadn't even remembered what he said the next morning. Hermione didn't have that problem. She remembered every word, and in the middle of his rambling, she'd found the perfect punishment.

It had taken her nearly two months to set it up, and it had only been her fame as the one that had destroyed the last three Horcruxes so Harry could kill Voldemort that had made it possible at all.

Finally, she was ready for the confrontation. Three people knew about her plans, the head of the DMLE, Kingsley Shacklebolt and two Weasleys, Bill and Charlie, all of whom were under an Unbreakable Vow.

Bill and Charlie went to the Dursley's with her, but they stayed outside while she went into No. 4 Privet Dr.

Hermione had opened the door with a simple "Alohomora" and walked in during the Dursley's dinner.

They stared at her. "Here, now!" Vernon had started to bluster, only to fall silent when Hermione pointed her wand at him.

Hermione stared at them and something in her face made them go pale.

"You three are the most scabious, evil, stupid and obscene pile of scoria I have ever seen," was Hermione's opening statement. "For seven years I watched what you did to Harry, and I couldn't do anything about it. Your torments, abuses and insults did not go unremarked or unremembered, though. I remember them all, and more, I know how you treated Harry all his life."

Hermione pointed her wand at Vernon when he started to rise. "Sit down and shut up or I will turn you into a swine and take you to the butcher right now."

Vernon sat down and Dudley, remembering the tail Hagrid had given him, fainted. Hermione watched him fall to the floor, cracking his head and causing a small cut that started bleeding. When Petunia cried out and started to get up, Hermione pointed her wand at her. "Sit!" she barked. "He won't die. I won't allow it... yet."

The two adults looked at her in fear. This madwoman was glaring at them and she had one of those freak sticks. "I thought of all sorts of things to do to you. I was going to seal up your house and set it on fire, but that would be over too quick. Then, I thought about making you immortal, and setting you on fire, with an ever burning fire, but that was a bit too extreme."

Hermione stared at them, judging their fear. "Then, I thought about turning you all into Wizards, so you would become the very freaks you hate, but it can't be done." Hermione sighed. "A pity, that. It would have been perfect."

"Finally, I narrowed it down to two choices. I wanted to turn you all into brood sows, so you can give birth to piglets and actually contribute something to the world. I was talked out of that one, since your piglets might not be real piglets and that would be sick, for the people that ate them."

Petunia joined Dudley on the floor as she fainted. Hermione watched her fall calmly. "Two down, one to go."

She turned her attention to Vernon. "There is a curse called the Imperious, you corpulent mucus, that would make you do whatever I told you to do. I could make you walk to the police station and turn yourself in as a child molester, but I'm not going to. I want your punishment to last a certain amount of time and then end."

Vernon found his voice. "How long?" he quavered, watching her wand closely.

Hermione watched his eyes. "Exactly one Saros. You can look it up yourself if you don't know how long that is. Now, I offer you your choice. For the time of a Saros, you can suffer from rampant incurable Sarcoidosis or you can be treated exactly as you treated Harry. Choose now. You have one minute before I choose for you."

Hermione waved her wand and a glowing number appeared in the air. It flickered from 60 to 59 as Vernon paled even more. "What is that Sarcodsis thing?"

Hermione sniffed. "If you are too ignorant or stupid to know, I'm not going to tell you."

Vernon looked around desperately. "You can't do this. There are laws."

Hermione stared at him coldly. "There are laws against abuse, and moral laws against the things you did. Harry is a hero to the entire Wizard world, you asinine aspergillosis. They aren't going to do anything to help you, especially since the head Auror is aware of what I am doing." Hermione smiled thinly, a smile that made Vernon break out in a cold sweat. "I can deal with any Muggle police myself," she said, waving her wand at Vernon who flinched.

The small glowing display flickered to 48 as Vernon paled even more. "Please," he begged, sweat falling from his chins. "I'll pay you-"

"Pay!? You think you can buy your free of this?" Hermione was coldly furious. "You pathetic, pustulous putrilage. No amount of money is going to save you from this." She smiled again. "I will allow you one other choice right now. If you geld that great granuloma and yourself right now, I'll go away, happy knowing that your seed will never contaminate the gene pool again."

Vernon paled even more and clutched himself. "I will not!" he said shrilly.

Hermione watched the numbers countdown to thirty before looking at Vernon again. "Time is running out," she reminded him.

"Wait," said Vernon hastily. "Can you wait one minute and answer a question?"

Hermione flicked her wand and the display stopped. "What question?"

"You said we would suffer that sarcodis stuff or be treated like Harry. What does 'treated like Harry' mean?"

Hermione considered the question for a second and nodded. "You should know what I will do." She pulled a small bag out of her robes and reached inside. She showed Vernon a potion. "I have enough potions to return all three of you to an approximate age of one year. After I return each of you to that age, I will give you to certain families that I have found, people that will treat you exactly as you have treated Harry. Since all of those families are Wizard folk, you will be freaks, and treated exactly as you treated Harry, as second class citizens."

Vernon sagged and thought about his choices. "This isn't fair," he said, "all we wanted was to be normal and that freak—."

Hermione hissed and flicked her wand at Vernon. His head rocked back as if he'd been struck by a powerful blow to the chin. "All Harry wanted was a family. You denied him that, tortured him and created a life that would have broken anyone less than Harry. You abused and mistreated a baby and a child that was left with you, an unforgivable act in anyone, let alone family." Hermione fought down her rage at Vernon and resisted the urge to hit him again He understood physical violence and it wouldn't have nearly the effect on him that she wanted. "Make your decision."

Hermione restarted the timer and sat calmly watching it count down. When the timer hit zero, she cast a full body bind on Vernon and the other two, levitating the three of them into the living room.

She knew Vernon had tried to say something as her spell hit, but that didn't matter to her. She woke the other two and began laying out her potions. "I gave Vernon his chance to choose your punishment, a whole minute to make his choice. He didn't make it in that minute, so now I get to choose what I'm going to do to you."

She turned to Dudley first, examining him as if he was nothing more than a specimen on a board. "I'm going to inflict your punishment first. That way, your parents can watch helplessly as you suffer, and they will know what is happening to you for the next eighteen years while they can do nothing about it." Her voice was low, quiet and completely without tone or inflection.

Hermione spent a minute sending a strange sort of Patronus message off and then set to work on Dudley. She fed him a number of potions and cast several spells on him, standing between him and the elder Dursleys so they couldn't see what was happening. When she was done, she stepped back and watched his parents stare at their baby.

And baby he was, a small tyke of about one year old. The Dursleys couldn't say anything or move, but their horror shone brightly in their eyes and their attempts to speak or move were plain. Dudley had great huge lesions and tubercles all over his body, including one in his right eye. He looked up at Hermione and the panic in his eyes was clear. "Pleth," he lisped, "make me normal."

Hermione squatted down, looking him in the eye. "You should have thought of the consequences of your actions years ago, you papulopustular rosacea. Now, you will grow up just as Harry did, a freak without any friends. In your case, this will end the day your body reaches the age of Wizard adulthood at seventeen. Maybe by then you will have learned your lesson."

Hermione looked up as someone entered the room. He glared at Hermione while he rubbed his forearm. "How did you do that?"

Hermione smiled. "I did some research. The Dark Mark is a permanent thing, even with Voldemort dead. It can be manipulated by anyone with a bit of work and a modified Protean Charm. Now, would you like to know why I called you?"

The former Death Eater looked around. "Tell me what you want."

"I want to make a deal with you. I wrote it down, so that there can be no errors." Hermione gave him a sheet of parchment. The older man took it and began reading.

When he was done, he looked at Dudley and then Hermione. "Let me get this straight. I take this, this thing, and raise it as if it was a Squib of my family. When it turns seventeen, I let it go and we're done. In return, you show me how to shield my mark from whatever you did and never tell anyone that I have it."

Hermione nodded. "You may not kill the thing, or use an Unforgivable on it, but other than that, I don't care what you do with it." Hermione smiled at Vernon and watched him pale more. "In fact, you may want to be creative in raising it. These are the people that raised Harry Potter and helped make him into the man that killed Voldemort."

The Death Eater looked at them again. "These are those Muggles? The ones that made Potter able to endure so much?" He looked at them and his eyes were hot. "If you people only knew about the things we wanted to do to you and now fate is delivering one of you into my hands."

"No, I am delivering him. Do we have a deal?" The man simply nodded, eyes still on Vernon.

Hermione gave him two scrolls and signed a third. Magic flared around her as she did so, and the man looked at that third parchment and nodded. "Short, to the point and covering the loopholes. Very nice." He signed one of the scrolls she had given him and looked at the second. "A bit of work?" He looked at Hermione with some respect. "If this is a bit of work to you, I wish you'd been on our side."

Hermione shrugged. "Voldemort was too interested in power. If he'd been a little more interested in changing the wizard world and a little less bloody, I might have considered it."

The man picked Dudley up. "Hopefully, we'll never meet again."

"Before you go, you should know that two more of your former colleagues will be collecting these two. You should get together sometimes and let them see what each of them is going through."

The man stopped and looked at her. "You're a hard woman, Miss Granger. At least Bella was just insane. You are just as cold, but you're also sane."

Hermione smiled coldly. "Not about these people, I'm not. I would love to be able to give them to Bella, but Neville took that option from me. Besides, they wouldn't have lived long enough under her care."

The man shivered. "If you ever come after me, please let me know. I think I'd rather go to Azkaban that suffer through whatever you come up with."

After he left, Hermione turned to Petunia. "Your turn, and then Vernon. Both of you shall suffer the same fate Dudley did." Hermione set to work after sending another message off. She looked at Petunia. "You though, are going to have two added torments. Since you should have protected your sister's child from these other two, I am going to give you two little bonuses. First, any Wizard that touches you sexually after you achieve puberty will arouse you to the point you will allow him to do whatever he wants to you." Hermione merely watched her as Petunia's eyes filled with horror. "For sixteen years, you buggered Harry's life up." Hermione cocked her head and considered Petunia's tears coldly. "I am simply returning the favour."

Hermione cast a few more spells. "The second part of your punishment is tied to your sex drive. You're going to be extraordinarily fertile, Petunia, and all of your children will be magical." Hermione sighed. "I couldn't add magic to you, but in trying to find a way I did find a way to insure that all of your children would have some type of magic. They may not be Wizards or Witches, but they will be something not normal, by your standards."

Hermione finished with Petunia and turned to Vernon. "How does it feel, knowing that your family is being tortured and that there isn't a thing you can do about it? I hope it feels a lot like being locked in a small closet and fed through the door." Hermione ignored the panicked looks that were the only things the two adults could do and finished with Vernon.

Two more visitors came and left again with babies, until only Hermione was left in the house and the two Wizards that had acted as her back up in case something went wrong came inside. Bill looked at her. "Who were those men, and what exactly did you do?"

Hermione looked at Bill. "I don't think you really want to know, Bill, even if the oath I swore didn't keep me from speaking of it. Suffice it to say, that they will understand exactly what they did to Harry as he grew up before their punishment is over."

She looked around the house. "Fidelius the house, Bill and use Charlie as the secret keeper. It will be waiting for them when they come back." She looked at the house, fighting the desire to burn it down.

Hermione Apparated away. At her destination, she sat down at the desk in the small flat no one knew she had. Hermione was a very curious person and sometimes she wanted to study things that most of the world thought were Dark. Not wanting to get a reputation as a Dark Witch, she had this place, where she could study anything without disturbing the foolish fears of people that didn't understand.

No bit of magic or wizardry was Good or Evil. It was all just power. The good or evil in magic came from the way it was used.

Hermione took out a long list and carefully scratched the first three names off of the list. She looked at the next name.

She snarled silently. She'd have to think of something truly special for this git.

OoOoOoO The Author, Here and Now. OoOoOoO

Hermione can be insanely obsessive about her causes. She'll break rules and traditions to accomplish whatever she thinks is right in the name of her causes. Add the fact that she loves Harry, either as a brother or a lover, depending on your ship and an intelligence that is scary, and I find this scenario entirely too possible. Hermione has shown a willingness to break rules if she thought it would achieve a higher goal.

Sort of like Albus Dumbledore and his "Greater Good".

Regarding Greeneyes' dedication, the broken bones were an accident, and she forgave me almost as soon as the cast was off, but she's never let me forget it.

I love her anyway.


OoOoOoO Greeneyes, Here and Now. OoOoOoO

I have watched Raven obsess about Harry Potter four years now, and I have offered her a bit of advice now and then, but this is the first time she's asked me to be Hermione. I like Hermione. She is everything a woman should be.

I am nicer than Raven, so here are the definitions of all the words that most people will not recognize in this story.

Sarcoidosis: a disease of unknown cause, characterized by granulomatous tubercles of the skin, lymph nodes, lungs, eyes, and other structures.

Saros: the period of 223 synodic months, equaling 6585.32 days or 18 years, 11.32 days (or 10.32 days if 5 leap years occur in the interval), after which eclipses repeat but are shifted 120° west.

Scoria: The refuse, dross or slag left after melting or smelting metal, scum.

Scabious: Covered with or consisting of scabs, scabby.

Aspergillosis: An infection or disease caused by a mold of the genus Aspergillus, characterized by granulomatous lesions of the lungs, skin, etc.

I love you too.