Another drabble! Although, not as happy or fluffy. It's just Lily's thoughts on James's obsession with her. I may have a companion piece in the next drabble with James. Don't know. It depends how people like it.
He says he loves me.
I never really understood what it meant. Love. I mean, it was just a word. How can so much meaning be packed into one word? It's impossible for it to mean everything that it is said to mean. It's just a word that boys used to get you to shut up. To get you to stop complaining. A strategical word, if you will. It never signified anything for me.
I'm still not sure if it does.
I'm not so sure he would love me if he knew me. It petrifies me sometimes. Knowing that he's chased me for so long, built up this image of me, and it scares me that I could probably ruin it. With just one word. It really isn't fair.
So many things have been written about love. Legendary novels, songs, poems, and yet, I'm not really sure anyone can define what it means. How can you tell you're in love with someone?
They say 'you just know'. They say it. They do. Who are they, to know what I feel? How do they know? How can they know? If they knew everything, I can't help but wonder why so many people are out there looking for love. They say love finds you. Love doesn't find you. Love hunts you. At least the kind of love I have.
If love is so bloody powerful, how can someone fall out of love? Love ends. Eventually, it's not enough. Love is never enough. I was told love could do anything. Anything. Dumbledore has no idea what he's talking about.
How on earth can he love me without knowing who the hell I am? I haven't even had a conversation with him that didn't end with me yelling at him, or him trying to kiss me.
He just wants the chase. That's all he really wants. It's an obsession. Not love. The more I say no, the more he chases. I'm scared the moment I say yes, he'll stop. And he'll be bored. Dissappointed. Sure, he'll brag about getting 'his girl' for ages, but slowly, it'll get old and he'll leave me. Just like he left so many of the other girls. I'll become just another name on the endless list of his 'conquests.'He'll realize that his fixation with me was nothing more than what it was. Superficial.
That's why I have to keep refusing. To keep saying no. To keep breaking his heart. So he comes back for more. Because honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him.
Ackkk, I know that was quite angsty, but I needed an outlet for the angst. I've been writing too much humor recently. Tell me how you liked it! Reviieew!