OK. So I wrote this a little while ago for the amusement of the KakaIru com on LJ, and decided to archive it here so the whole thing would be in one place. Just a bit of silly fluff with no redeming qualities at all (laughs). I plan to put a new chap up each friday starting next week.
As per usual I do not own or make any claims to these characters. Wouldn't dare, they're ninjas after all (wibble).
The Tale of the Hesitant Hentai and the Tenacious Teacher.
Kakashi could tell that it was a slow day in the mission room from two corridors away. Just by the volume. By the sound of it every unoccupied nin in Konoha was in there, playing their very favourite game. Namely, who's hot and who's not.
He groaned a bone weary agonized groan and almost… almost turned right around and took his mission report with him. It wouldn't exactly be the first one he'd ever turned in late.
But… he'd practically had to pass the mission room on his way home anyway, he'd been forced to use his sharigan repeatedly on this last mission, and he'd dragged his sorry arse this far, and if he just got it over with he'd be able to go home and snuggle into his soft warm bed and sleep. Preferably until sometime after newyears. So he gritted his teeth and forced his uncooperative legs to keep moving.
"Well I think scars are damn sexy." A shrill female voice rang out above the background of amused chatter. "I do! And who doesn't like to be dominated once in a while?"
"Um, you Anko. And Ibiki? Ibiki? Naked? Come on seriously, think about it."
Kakashi winced and leaned a palm flat on the wall to steady himself against the horror of that particular mental image, as a peal of laughter rolled past.
"I think Shizune-san's very pretty if you look close enough. And she has that reeeally sexy 'don't touch me I'm out of your league,' thing going for her too."
"That's because she is out of your league idiot."
Shizune? Shizune! He'd sooner hit on Ibiki, it would be safer.
"How about you Iruka? Who gets your vote as Konoha's number one hot ninja?"
"You mean apart from you two guys, and Ko here, and Zuzu?"
There was a sly chuckle followed by Genma's distinctive mumble. "Ah promises promises, there's a nice little hollow in the middle of our bed for you any day… or night. But seriously we all know who makes our Ruka's noble heart beat faster, don't we Rai?"
Come on Kakashi, you can do this. Just get it over with. Walk right in, shove the report in the face of whoever's at the desk, then walk right out again.
He opened the door to a roomful of staring ninjas. Who had suddenly become ice sculpture still and cadaver quiet. Shiranui Genma was leaning forward across the desk with one hand slanted diagonally over his left eye and the other covering the lower half of his face. In the crowded room the only sound was that of a senbon hitting a hard surface.
Kakashi froze for a moment, blinked once, then walked up to the desk with as much grace as he could muster, and handed his report to a very red faced Umino Iruka. Whose heart, incidentally, was pounding as if he'd just swallowed a jackhammer.
The chuunin's eyes stared past him to the far wall, then swiveled from side to side before coming to rest on the polished surface of his desk. He dragged the report towards him with one fingertip, as if it was poisoned or radioactive or just plain deadly, and croaked out the obligatory, "Thank you for your hard work Kakashi-san."
In the far reaches of his mind Kakashi had a very definite suspicion that he really ought to be more curious about what that was all about. He staggered a bit as his right knee sagged under his weight, turned and exited the door with a feeble backwards wave. "Yo."
As soon as the door was closed gales of laughter exploded in the room behind him.
Yes curiosity would have been a good thing, but he didn't have the chakra for it. And if he did have the chakra he'd use it to teleport the hell out of there. But he didn't. And if he collapsed in the street on the way home he'd find himself stuck in the hospital… again.
One foot in front of the other, that's right, just a couple more miles to go.
It was Gai who dragged him out of bed a mere five days later, to regain the roses in his cheeks, right, as if The Beautiful Beast would ever get to see them …and the glorious vigor of his youth. So… Kakashi found himself in one of the local bars that was favoured by the local shinobi, being socialized. By force.
He slipped down his mask for an instant to sip his beer and let his attention drift away from Gai's monologue. Asuma and Kurenai were flirting on the opposite side of the booth, while making every effort to look as if they weren't flirting. He smiled a hidden smile. They made such a perfect couple, her seductive softness the perfect compliment to his tough-guy charms. It must be nice.
A flicker of uneasiness made him look up and he caught the eye of the academy teacher and mission room clerk Umino Iruka, who was sitting with a cluster of other chuunins at the bar. That made it the second, no third, time their eyes had met and he was starting to feel that it was more than just a coincidence. Especially since there was something in the teacher's look that hinted at something beyond mere looking.
At first he'd assumed the other man was looking at Gai, surprised to see him not dressed in green spandex. True he was still wearing green, but in sweats and a hoodie he looked almost normal. And Kurenai was worth looking at too, in a slinky purple dress that should have clashed with her red eyes, but didn't. Asuma had patrol duty later so he was in uniform. Kakashi was in uniform too, but for a different reason. Or rather no reason, he always wore his uniform. He'd discovered long ago that if he always looked the same then it was one less reason for anyone to look at him.
But Iruka was definitely looking.
The teacher was attractive, damned attractive. Kakashi flashed himself a mental scold. No, that kind of thinking was dangerous. He'd been burned before, when he was still young enough for the scars to be deep, and permanent. That was why he'd long since sworn to avoid any kind of intimate relationship with anyone he might put in danger, especially anyone below him in either rank or skill, which effectively meant with pretty much anyone at all. He sank lower into his seat and resisted the urge to pull out his book.
Iruka turned back to Kotetsu and chuckled at his off colour joke. Damn, Kakashi had caught him looking again. And now he was trying to hide in the corner of his booth. He wouldn't be surprised if he pulled out that damned orange book any minute. If he'd had the slightest idea the jounin would be here he'd have dressed up, but he'd come right after the end of his shift and was still in uniform. The same uniform that he'd been wearing since six o'clock that morning, and the uniform that was now smeared with chalk dust and something that looked suspiciously like slobber from an Inuzaka dog.
Kakashi was shocked out of his stupor by Gai pounding his shoulder with the flat of his hand. The big man hugged him tearfully, and loudly proclaimed that they must renew their youthful competition at their very next meeting. Then with a flash of teeth he was gone. Asuma removed his cigarette from his mouth and his hand from Kurenai's bosom and muttered that he had to get going too if he didn't want to be late.
Within moments Kakashi was alone with his half finished beer.
He'd just dropped some cash on the table and was starting to stand when someone slid into the booth opposite him. Umino Iruka, looking slightly flushed, adorably disheveled, and at least half drunk. As Kakashi felt the seat come back up to meet him he saw Iruka glance over to his friends, who were grinning and waving encouragements from the other side of the room. An unexpected glow struggled against a tidal wave of nervous discomfort.
Kakashi watched the chuunin's Adam's apple bob slowly as he swallowed and noted the ring of sweat around his hand pressed against the stone table top. A half memory half surfaced in his brain. People staring and an impression of a flushed scarred face and heat and racing heartbeats, made fuzzy through the veil of chakra depletion.
"Um… Kakashi-san, would you… that is can I… can I buy you a drink?"
Ah. Kakashi swirled the liquid in his half full bottle and reminded himself sternly that he just didn't do relationships, not with anyone below him in rank, or skill, and particularly not with charmingly hopeful and damned attractive chuunins. "Sorry but I haven't finished this one. I'm not much of a drinker."
The teacher frowned in genuine disappointment. He smelled of wine and chalk and children and was that dogs? It was a warm comforting smell.
On the other hand being friendly couldn't hurt. He had few enough real friends, as he was painfully aware, having just spent the best part of a week at home alone. In a rare moment of weakness he pulled down his mask and smiled. "Alright just one. Something silly, with a cherry. And an umbrella."
Iruka's stomach did flip-flops double-time as he watched the dark fabric being lowered to reveal a perfect nose, a perfect chin, cheekbones you could sharpen your pencils on, and the most perfectly kissable pink lips he'd ever set eyes on. No one, but no one, had the right to be that much beautiful and then to hide it. And who knew that all it would take to get rid of the damn mask was the promise of a mai tai?
He shifted position to make sure that he blocked the vision before him from the gawkers at the bar. This was his. Kakashi baring his face for him, smiling at him, maybe not exactly flirting with him, at least not yet. But in every other part this was his wild and crazy fantasy. That suddenly didn't seem quite so crazy after all. And he wasn't about to share it. Let the groupies at the bar find their own impossibly hot masked jounins.