WHO NEEDS YOU? I DO.
A/N: This takes place in episode nine of season eight: Who Needs You. The whole idea is to turn around an episode that struck anguish into the heart of Zennies everywhere by making everything about Jackie. This is an angsty, smutty piece, and it's designed to fit right into the episode, kind of a bumper scene. The first section in italics is the dialog from the preceding scene. I hope you all like reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from That 70's Show. If I did, Hyde would be tied up in my closet for me to do dirty things to. :D
Warnings: Language and smut. Not an extremely raunchy piece, but smut nonetheless. Oh, and it also concerns "adultery." If you've seen season 8, then you know why it's in quotes.
FEZ: You! Pack your bags.
JACKIE: Fez, that's a great idea! Let's go to Bermuda while this place dries out!
FEZ: You pushed it too far. I want you out.
JACKIE: Wait, what? Fez, where am I supposed to go?
FEZ: Oh, how about this, why don't you go down to "I Don't Care" Street, make a left on "Get Out Of My Life" Boulevard, and take the express bus to down town "Suck It"!
Jackie & Fez's Apartment
After hearing Fez's bedroom door slam shut, Jackie stared off into the living room in shock. How could her night of relaxation have taken such a sharp turn? She slowly walked to her room and packed herself an overnight bag. Watching her hands as they placed an outfit or two into the suitcase, she couldn't think of one place that she could run to. Her life was such a mess; no job, no boyfriend, and now, no place to live?
Closing the bag, she walked out of her room and shut the door behind her; she was feeling a lot like a lost child. So alone. After taking a look around the apartment, clutching her suitcase in her hands, she grabbed her purse as loneliness began spread from her heart, enveloping her in a cloud of uncertainty.
Reaching the front door to the apartment, she turned towards the hallway and shouted toward Fez's bedroom. "FINE! I'll leave..." When there was no answer, she placed one of her hands on the door knob, pulling it open as she accepted her fate with a whisper. "I'll be by for the rest of my stuff tomorrow." After getting the last word in her fight with the silence, she quickly turned and walked through the door, slamming it shut behind her.
Sighing in the empty hallway, she started to descend the stairs as a single bright thought flew through her mind, drawing a small smile to her face. There was one place that she could go.
The Forman House
Lying in Laurie's old bed and staring up at what used to be Laurie's bedroom ceiling, Hyde couldn't shake the sinking feeling in his stomach. It was only the second night since he and Sam had moved into this room and out of the basement, but he didn't see himself ever getting used to it.
Moving out of his bedroom downstairs brought finality to this whole accidental marriage thing, making it feel permanent. As if it wasn't already. It was just making the whole situation seem a little more real.
Turning his head slightly to the left, he sighed loudly at the frustration building in his gut. He was trapped. Stuck. Tied to this woman that he didn't even know. Forced to spend his life with a woman that he wasn't even attracted to. They fought because it was the only way she could turn him on and, even then, the only reason he slept with her was to release the tension.
She thought that he was having fun fighting with her. That it was all a game he was playing. If he were single, he would think it was a great burn. A lifelong burn. But self-inflicted burns were never funny... unless the person burning themselves was Kelso. There wasn't anything funny about the prison that he was living in.
He missed his room; he never thought that he had enjoyed it so much until it was no longer his. Being down there, he could sit in silence, be left alone with his thoughts. His old cot wasn't comfortable, but it held so many... no. He brought his arm up from where it rested on top of the covers and smacked himself in the forehead quietly. He couldn't think of all the memories that his room held for him. He was married, and that wasn't something that would change. At least, it wasn't going to be him who changed it.
He couldn't if he wanted to keep from becoming even more like Bud and Edna then he already had.
Slowly peeling the sheet covering him down his body, he quietly swung his legs out of the bed. He needed to get out of this room. Laurie was the devil, after all. It was probably her lingering presence that caused this unrest in his head, making him think of things that he was sure he'd forgotten. At least that was what he desperately hoped for. After touching his feet to the floor, his toes sinking slightly into the carpet when he stood up, and quietly crept to the bedroom door to make his escape.
Once outside the room, he instantly felt better. Breathing a sigh of relief at his sleek get away, he silently descended the stairs, each step bringing him closer to his destination. He would go and sleep in his room; it's not like Sam would miss him. Once she was out, he could hold a raging party in the room and she wouldn't stir. And when she did awake, she would just assume he had woken up before her and gone downstairs.
Reaching the top of the basement steps, he felt his heartbeat begin to quicken as he climbed down. It was strange to him that he'd missed his room this much, but he couldn't explain the feeling. He didn't even have to try and rationalize it.
The small, dank room under the stairs was his home.
It was where he had grown up; the only years that mattered, anyway. Where he went to escape what his life could have been had his parents stayed, or if he lived on the streets. He had concocted some of his best conspiracy theories in that room, hidden his feelings from his friends, shit, he'd even given his heart to a girl in that room.
A girl who still held it.
If ever a single thought could stop him dead in his tracks, there it was; the real reason leaving his underground room bothered him. He'd walked across the basement and was now standing outside of his old bedroom door, his bare feet on the cold concrete. Everything in him told him to turn the knob, but he knew that when he did, the memories would inevitably flood his brain with all that he had lost. The first night Jackie had spent next to him lying next to him. The night the Forman's caught her sleeping in the basement with him. The day she decorated his gloomy gray room in unicorns and pink roses. The night before she found out about the job in Chicago which turned out to be the last blissful night she'd sighed in ecstasy and slept in his arms.
The memories were the reason he had to fight with Sam to get turned on. She just didn't arouse him the way Jackie could without trying. No one ever would.
He had accepted Mrs. Forman's offer to move upstairs because he thought it would change things between him and the intruder who was his wife. All tonight did was prove it never would. He would spend the rest of his life beside the woman he could barely stand, trying to forget the woman he could no longer have.
Sighing in defeat, he placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly, walking inside the room. Once he had closed the door and turned on the lamp, he started to walk over to his familiar sleeping spot when he stopped. He wasn't alone. There, lying on his cot with her small suitcase on the floor next to her, was his heart's only regret.
Jackie looked so peaceful and small, curled up on the cot. It only took a second to realize she was shivering, causing him to squeeze his hands into tight fists at his side. It required all the willpower he possessed to try and stifle the urge to protect her; the one that came bubbling up in his chest at the sight of her quivering frame.
When her sleeping form stirred, he crossed his arms over his chest, bracing himself for when she saw him. Her gaze had been so blank the last few weeks that it had begun to tear him in two every time her eyes accidentally fell on him. It hurt so bad to witness that bleak expression on her face that he had started to avoid looking her in the eye. He would've never thought she could be capable of such apathy in regards to him.
Her eyes had always been filled with such warmth and compassion and love. He came to the conclusion that he had killed that part of her. It was the only logical explanation that his brain could give. His heart told him that only he could revive it.
Rubbing her arms for warmth under the thin blanket, Jackie slowly sat up on the cot at the sound of the door of her stolen room. After wiping the sleep from her face with her fingers, her eyes bugged out of her head when they locked onto her ex-boyfriend's form. He was just standing there, arms crossed, lightly swaying on the balls of his feet. He was nervous; if she wasn't so surprised to see him there, she would have smiled. She had just been dreaming about him and it was possible that she still was.
Now that he had been caught, Hyde went on the offensive. "What are you doing down here, Jackie?" He took a step toward the cot so that he was standing a few feet from her, then he crouched down so that he was meeting her dulled eyes. "Don't you have an apartment to sleep in?"
Oh, so he was going to act like she was the only one out of place. She crossed her arms over her chest deciding two could play at that game. "Well, what are you doing here? Don't you have a stripper-wife upstairs to sleep with?" She almost felt bad when he couldn't hide his wince. "Besides, I flooded the apartment and Fez threw me out." Shrugging her shoulders, she hugged her chilled body and a longing for the warmth of his arms around her flashed through her mind. "Well, what are you doing down here?"
He would have to seriously consider kicking Fez's ass tomorrow for tossing her out on the street. Thinking quickly, he came up with what would be a seemingly plausible answer for her question. "I couldn't sleep... It's like Laurie is haunting that room, or something." He turned an annoyed glare on her to cover up his lie. "I thought I could get some peace down here, but I guess I was wrong. Don't you have anywhere else to go?" He knew it was mean spirited. He also knew he would have to give up and go back upstairs to sleep, but he didn't want to be a total pushover when that happened.
"You know I don't," she spat at him. Rolling onto her hip, she turned away from him and let her head fall to the pillow. It was getting harder to keep her eyes from betraying how much she wished he would crawl into bed beside her. "Why don't you go back to your wife?" Her shoulders started shaking when she thought of him in bed with her; she was going to cry in front of him if he didn't leave. "Just leave me alone, Steven."
Standing up from his crouched position, he anxiously ran both sets of fingers through his hair. "Jackie, it's freezing down here. Why don't you go sleep in Eric's room?" Her shivers were going to be the demise of his composure if she didn't stop. "It's warmer up there."
She rolled over to face him as her temper unintentionally started to flare. "Go upstairs? Across the hall from her?" Sitting up, pointing her finger in the general direction of the bedrooms upstairs, she considered slapping him across the face. "What the hell would I wanna do that for, Steven?"
He sighed at her response; of course his solution of the problem was way out of line. There were so many things wrong with what he had just said, that he didn't know which to beat himself up for first. Throwing his hands up in the air in surrender, he started walking towards the door. "Never mind. I'll go sleep in Eric's room." He glanced over at her; at least there was fire in her eyes now, instead of the emptiness that always seemed to manifest when he was near. "I just thought you wouldn't want to freeze to death. My mistake."
Laying back down, not at all satisfied with her victory, Jackie pulled the covers up over her shoulders. She should've just let him walk out the door, but she couldn't help herself. For some reason, her heart wouldn't let him leave like that. "I forgot how cold it gets in here... Even in late Summer."
Her voice had been below the level of a whisper, but he was certain he'd heard her words correctly. Turning to face her, he rested his hand on the door knob as his old pick-up line began to fall from his lips. "The only time it isn't cold is..."
"When there's someone laying beside you." She chuckled softly to herself at the warmth that was seeping into her chilly heart at the tender tone of his voice. "I remember the first time you told me that. I thought you were full of shit." Hugging her body under the covers, she displayed her reverie with a smile directed at the wall across the room. "That summer couldn't have been any hotter, but the first night I spent in this basement I thought I would turn into a Popsicle."
He knew that he was walking back toward her, that the action would spelled trouble for them, but he couldn't stop himself. "Then you made me hold you." Standing over the bed, he met the sweet smile on her face with a nostalgic one of his own. "After that, it was never cold in here again." The grimace he could feel marking his features foretold his intention to burst their happy little bubble, but he was helpless to stop. "Until..." He dropped the smile on his face as she turned to face the wall. There was no need to finish the sentence. After seeing her reaction that single two-syllable word, he wished he would've kept his mouth shut.
"Goodnight, Steven." Her eyes were welling up with tears again. If only he hadn't brought up their current reality; she could have pretended for just a tiny moment that she was still happy. That she was still the complete person that she had been with him.
When the thin blanket left her body, she covered her mouth to hide her shock and contain the butterflies that immediately taken up residence in her stomach. But when the length of his body was pressed up against her back, she allowed herself a sharp, gratified intake of breath to escape. Her skin was instantly aflame, warming her throughout, and not in any way because of his added body heat.
Even if she was afraid to say a word, terrified to chase him and this stolen moment away, she knew she had to ask. "What are you doing?" Her whisper barely permeated the thickened air between them and it sounded small even to her ears.
He grumbled a few curses at himself for giving in to his desire to hold her rather than listening to the sensible voice in his head that was screaming at him to get the hell out of there. "You'll be frozen solid by morning." If he left it at that, hopefully she would just close those star-filled eyes and go to sleep. But the way the blood was rushing from his head to it's favorite place below his waist, he knew that this was both the best and worst idea he had ever had. He didn't have to be psychic to know that sleep wasn't in the cards tonight.
He should've walked right back out of the room when he saw her sleeping in his old bed, but curiosity had gotten the better of him. That was her fault; her insatiable need to know everything had rubbed off on him in the worst way. Now where was he? That curiosity had him lying in a basement with his gorgeous ex-girlfriend while his less than average wife slept upstairs. He was pressed up against Jackie's soft body with the intoxicating scent of her hair drifting up through his nostrils and striking a few familiar emotional chords in his brain.
Want. Need. Desire. Everything his life had been missing since he lost her to his own stubborn stupidity.
With Steven laying so close to her, Jackie was having a hell of a time trying to sleep. He hadn't wrapped his arms around her yet, but she knew it wouldn't be long before he pulled her close. Steven was formidable man, but he always had this intense need to hold her close while they slept; as if he was afraid that by loosening his grip he would lose her. She could only deduce that it must have grown worse in the time since he had actually lost her.
The delicious goose bumps that this close bodily contact with him had raised were covering her body from head to toe. Her own desperate need to be held by him was driving her insane, so she intentionally snuggled back into his inevitable embrace. She just couldn't wait any longer for his strength to surround her; waiting these few excruciatingly long moments had almost destroyed her as it was.
After months of not holding her, Hyde gave in to his desire to slide his arms around her form. Her hint of leaning back into his embrace made it clear to him that she wouldn't fight it and the sigh that escaped her lips once his arms had encircled her belied how much she had missed this. The fact was that she had been longing for this moment at least as much as he had. When she was pressed up against every inch of his body, he knew he couldn't hide the effect she still had on him any longer. His erection was straining against his boxers, into her backside, so there was no use trying to conceal it. They both knew that she'd never failed to turn him on.
Jackie had suddenly forgotten what cold felt like; the temperature in the basement must have risen a few thousand degrees since he'd climbed into bed beside her. In addition to the heat evoked by his closeness, her nightgown could do nothing to hide the obvious fact that he was turned on by their little predicament. That aroused her even further.
She was starting to fantasize about turning into his embrace and pressing her lips to his. The only thing stopping her from giving in to that urge was how wrong it would be for her to encourage him. She couldn't do that.
All that she needed to decide was if she was going to give in when he made his move.
He was married and that was a fact that she very well knew. But there was a tiny inkling in her heart that told her a piece of paper wouldn't stop him from being with her tonight. He may be married to the skank upstairs, but he sure as hell didn't want to be. No matter how much he'd tried to convince her otherwise through his recent behavior toward her. The events of tonight were only proving to her that he was living unhappily ever after.
Jackie had to know by now what this position was doing to him. She didn't even pretend to shirk away from him, so he started to consider trying to push things further. When he left Laurie's room, the only thing on his mind was trying not to be his parents; to have a normal life. The only problem with that so called normal life was how agonizing his life had become. There was no way it was anywhere near normal to stay with a stranger that you married while drunk.
Normal was making love to the girl you should have married, not fucking the slut you ended up with.
The problem with this was the fact that he knew he wouldn't leave Sam. No matter what happened with Jackie, he just couldn't take that bullet on purpose. A divorce would make him Edna and Bud once and for all. He couldn't resign himself to being a failure.
His life was fucked up beyond all recognition, but he could still have tonight with Jackie, his chick. Even if she hated him in the morning, he could show her his love for her tonight.
When Steven's hand slid down her chest, ducked beneath the hem of her nightgown, and slipped between her thighs, she knew all bets were off. Something had told her not to wear panties to bed and she silently thanked that voice inside of her for helping her make this tough decision. She really wanted this. Since they had never had a true break-up, she had never gotten her goodbye. Ceasing to be half of Jackie and Hyde was slowly killing her soul; the need to be connected to him one last time was winning the battle for control over her conscience.
At the moment, she didn't care if he had a wife, or if this would make her a sordid mistress. All she wanted was to feel him inside of her.
Hyde's heart jumped in his chest when she didn't push him away and his cock twitched in his pants as she moaned in response to his touch. She was writhing beneath his fingers as she spread her legs apart to allow them access to her clit, his free hand finding its way to caress one of her breasts.
Her hand snaked behind her, between their bodies and into his boxers, threading his cock through the hole in front before he could bring himself to ask her how far this was going to go. She had decided for him.
When he removed his fingers and slid into her from behind, he released a low groan at the feel of being enclosed in her while he barely registered hearing her breath catch in her throat. His arms remained circled around her as he pulled out of her to penetrate her again, this time eliciting a high pitched squeal from her lips. His mouth found her neck so he began to nibble and suck the sweetness of her skin as he continued thrusting into her tight slit, causing her cries to rise in pitch with every movement.
Jackie was beside herself with pleasure from the fullness in both her body and the hole that her heart had become. Finally her Steven was here with her, bringing her to the place only could take her. It would have been completely perfect except for the position they found themselves in. She had always needed her chest against his as he held her tight, to see the hunger in his eyes as he drove into her. Deeper. Harder. Faster. Now if only she could remember how to speak the words. "Steven..."
He suddenly remembered that she needed him closer, so he pulled out and flipped her onto her back. When he caught her dizzy eyes with his, he knew his timing had been perfect. She was perfect. And as he sank back into her, he wanted her to bring her so high that she never doubted that fact.
The smoky haze to the color of her eyes only added to the sensation of her body surrounding his as he pounded into her harder, holding her thighs up in the air. When she wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him in deeper, he dropped his hands from her to the bed where her slender fingers wound around his wrists.
Every crushing pelvic contact brought them both closer to the edge and he started to feel the spasms of orgasm tightening the walls around his cock. Lowering his lips to hers, he continued to crash inside of her as he kissed her through her climax. Only when he was sure she was satisfied did he allow himself the sweet release of coming inside of her, her name slipping from his lips in a gasp of worship.
His spent body collapsed between her legs as he found her lips with his again. Allowing his tongue to taste hers for a few more precious moments, he knew that he could never have enough of her. That he was doomed, forever, to love her from behind the walls of his mixed up marriage.
I Do. He wished like hell he could take those two damning little words back and give them to the woman who would always have his heart.
After he broke the kiss, he continued looking into her eyes, praying that it wouldn't be the last time she held her heart in them. When she reached up to wind her fingers into his curls, he knew she was trying not to say the words he missed hearing from her lips. The three little words that he had been so hesitant to say but she never failed to give freely.
He knew she would keep them to herself tonight.
When he reluctantly pulled out of her and sat up to climb off of the bed, she softly broke the silence. "Stay." It was the only word she was capable of uttering, her heart was in her throat blocking everything else she wanted him to hear. Pulling her nightgown down over her nakedness, she sat up and kissed his shoulder through the cloth of his t-shirt. "Please, Steven..."
He reached up to douse the light of the lamp and crawled back into bed beside her, holding her tightly; even though it wouldn't help him keep her. He kissed the back of her neck and slowly drifted off to sleep, not looking forward to facing the morning without her. She would definitely be gone before he woke up and he was secretly thankful he wouldn't have to say goodbye.
Lying wrapped in his arms, Jackie was devising a plan to get back into her apartment tomorrow instead of dwelling on the piercing pain her heart. She would have to convince Fenton to release Fez of all responsibility for the water damage, or else she was out on the street. Fez had meant business when he kicked her out, so it would be the only way to change his mind.
When Jackie awoke entwined his arms, she had dressed quickly to leave despite the small morning hour. Taking one last look at the sleeping form of her lover, she whispered the words she would have sold her soul to say to him last night. "I love you, Steven..." When he didn't stir at the sound of her voice, she added even softer, "I always will."
After detachedly writing him a small note, she stole out of his room and the basement, determined to set her plan in motion. Blackmailing Fenton after befriending him was the only answer. If he didn't want her to leave, he would let Fez off the hook. But if she still couldn't convince Fez to let her stay at the apartment, she didn't know what else she would do.
She definitely couldn't stay here anymore.
Hearing the outside basement door close with a hollow thud, Hyde sat up in his cot, her illicit confession still ringing in his ears. While reaching for her note, he nodded his smart ass acknowledgment of her words to himself; of course she still loved him. But when his eyes took in the words of the letter she left him, he knew that last night was the end.
Making love to him was her way of letting him go.
I won't say last night was a mistake, but we both know that it
can't happen again. Please don't tempt me. Don't make me try
to turn you down. I'm not strong enough to say no.
I won't be your mistress; I just can't do that to anyone. Not
even Sam. Besides, I love you too much to pretend I could
settle for just a part of you.
If you haven't figured it out, this is goodbye. No secret looks
or suggestive conversation after this. I just needed closure,
that's all this little slip was. It won't happen again... it can't.
Not as long as she signs your last name as her own.
Please don't try to change my mind.
I love you.
The moisture in his eyes was threatening to dampen his cheeks as he tried to calm his racing heart with deep breaths. He knew they couldn't kid themselves by continuing their affair, but seeing the words in her handwriting really had a whole "The End" feeling to it. Allowing one tear to drop down his cheek in honor of the thousands his heart longed to spill, he quickly wiped it away with the back of his hand.
Taking the letter in his fingers, he stood from the cot and stretched. While going through the motions as he leaned over the bed to straighten the covers, he came to the decision to keep the letter. He still had a few hiding spots that no one knew of, and it would serve to remind him of what happens when he gives in. Besides, he wanted proof that it happened.
He still couldn't believe it had.
After stashing the damning piece of paper, he walked out of the room intent on taking a shower before slipping back into bed with his so-called wife. Funny enough, the fact that he had been in bed with his ex-girlfriend only moments before wasn't bothering him. He didn't feel guilty and he knew he never would. He had always felt like he was cheating on Jackie with Sam; neither his brain nor his heart would consider what happened last night wrong.
Jackie belonged in his bed and Sam never would.
As he stepped beneath the hot water spewing from the shower head, he had a distinct feeling that it was just a matter of time before his situation brightened. For some reason, his heart was telling him that his life wasn't at the start of spending forever next to Sam, but nearing the end.
Thinking back on his stolen tryst with Jackie, he resolved to listen to his heart more often. Concerning his feelings for her, it had been right all along. Thinking logically was what had gotten him into this mess. He was going to allow himself to hope there would be another chance.
A/N: I know it's not a happy ending. This is probably the only piece I'll ever write that doesn't have one, that is, if I decide not to do a companion piece. Please let me know what you thought. :D