summary --- You settle for the background of the lives of the people you love who somehow never could love you back. [chuck centric

for --- lipswillkollidex (hope I didn't spell your username wrong!)

a/n --- my first Chuck centric fic. Hope it doesn't suck.

Rain On Windows

You can't see that light your mother once said you had. There's a feeling in the pit of your soul that is not happy or kind. It is cruel and raw; it is everything you've become in these past few years.

You take the pleasure in destroying innocent girls and fellow classmates. You pride in deflowering half of the Upper East Side. Names like Kati Farkas and Blair Waldorf come into mind.

Oh God.


She seems beautiful with her expensive clothes and designer lipstick but she is a façade. Someone you thought would bring that light you so longed to have once more. She was nothing more than a chess player and you, her pawn.

Yet you still found yourself in her bed or her at your hotel room door. You couldn't pull away till you realized your fault and weakness was just her in disguise. You threw her out the door when you found out she'd taken Nathaniel's offer of marriage.

You had given your whole heart to her only to have it stomped on.

You vowed to never do it again.

And you never did.


When you were 10, you never had a best friend. You wallowed in self pity and hatred that 10 year olds should never go through but you did. You wouldn't smile or color or do anything nice for your classmates.

Partly because you didn't want to and partly because no one took the time to notice you.

Then you met Serena van der Woodsen, who was the bubbliest and most wonderful person you'd ever set eyes on. She smiled at you, held your hand and walked you away from frightful darkness.

You become a happier boy and it was all due to a blond, blue eyed little girl in pigtails.

You look bitterly back on that moment. Where was Serena when your heart was falling apart as your mother and father broke it? Where was she when you crossed back into that darkness that at the tender age of 16 seemed normal?

She was gone and you doubt you can ever forgive her because you loved her. Not in the sense that you loved her but you thought Serena was The Light. She was nothing more than a girl with a cheap spotlight forced onto her.

You never tell her that you love her.

You seek your revenge when she comes back after a long, failed break from the Upper East Side. It felt wrong forcing your way onto her but this was Chuck.

The new and bad and horrible Chuck, who didn't give a damn about Serena's light or constant shouts of stop.

She hurt more than your groin that night.

She hurt your pride.

She hurt your heart.

It was hurting a lot these days.


You'd do anything to please your father. He was your role model when you where younger. You laugh stupidly as you think it over.

You spent most of your life trying your hardest to please him, to make him love you like he once did. If he ever did, you remind yourself bitterly each night and day and happy hour.

You wished you'd known back then.

Known that your father was nothing but a failure with nice clothes or that he never truly loved you like you wanted. Known that nothing you ever did would make him proud to call you son. Known you were not Bass material, or that ache in your heart when he forgot you at school and you had to get a ride with Mrs. Archibald wouldn't stop.

He's left you so many times.

So why doesn't it stop hurting each time.


You are many things.

Womanizer, devil, rude, jackass, and so on but the one thing you've always wanted in your whole entire life was simple.

You wanted to be loved.

You know it sounds so unlike you and clichéd but everyone wants it. So why can't you have it? You settle for the background of the lives of the people you love who somehow never could love you back.

You watch Blair leave Nate and fall into the unlikely arms of Dan Humphrey.

As Serena finds herself in Paris, taking in new sights and sounds with a camera you'd sent her for her birthday last month.

As Nate went to rehab and later on, had a passionate and stupid affair with budding director Vanessa Abrams. You watched as they got married just last June.

You watched them grow up and find themselves.

Leaving you behind.

And somehow your heart stops hurting because it just can't feel anymore.

But you're Chuck Bass.

Lonely will always be your best friend.


a/n 2 --- Well? Thoughts?

I felt like I just didn't get Chuck's character right. I sorta just made him this clichéd, fluff bunny. Too much angst? My best friend, Stacy read it over and said I might be boarding OOC, which I hope I didn't do.

I feel like a bad person, I stuck in all my favorite couples in only two or three sentences. I've gotta stop sticking all my ships into something that's supposed to be a non-shipper.