Disclaimer: Gossip Girl doesn't belong to me.

Summary: Need, boundaries, control, love, obsession, shame, heat, submission, lies, ego, pain, money, dreams and all that's Chuck and Blair in thirty vignettes.


Thirty pieces of you and me

1. Boundaries

There are certain lines he doesn't dare to cross.

He doesn't care whether it's right or wrong. He's never worried about what other people believe to be appropriate, he never wanted to be virtue incarnated. If there's something he wants, anything at all, he won't hesitate to take it, because that's the way he is and has always been. Life is too short to let etiquette rules stop you, to let morals bind your hands. The fine members of society, the upstanding ladies with tight hairstyles and cheekbones, the gentlemen with tuxedos and large bank accounts might frown and shake their heads but he's never let an opportunity pass him by, he's never had to live regretting what could have been and wasn't.

Until now.

There are certain lines he doesn't dare to cross.

He doesn't care what anyone else might think of him. He doesn't care about his father's and his friends' opinion, he doesn't care about what might be said at school behind his back. He's not sure he really cares what Nate might think. He's already had his chance and let it pass, out of insecurity, out of fear, because Nate could never be like him and just take what he wanted without thinking about the consequences.

There are certain lines he doesn't dare to cross.

He doesn't care about what she might say. He's never concerned himself much for what a girl could say afterwards, as long as he'd gotten what he wanted from her before. He used them and threw them away once he was done, that's always been his style and there's no reason to change his mind now.

However…

However, he doesn't there to cross the line. He doesn't dare to caress her soft hair, he doesn't dare to circle her slim waist with his arm. He doesn't dare to bend over and kiss her on the lips, he doesn't dare to whisper in her ear the things he's dying to say.

He doesn't dare to cross the line, but not because he fears she might reject him, not because he's afraid to ruin his only chance with her. He's never cared about rejection, he's never let the fear to fail stop him before and he's not going to start now.

There are certain lines, however, that he doesn't dare to cross. Not because what people might think, not because he's concerned about Nate's reaction, not even because she might reject him. The reason he doesn't dare, the reason why he keeps a distance he's dying to breach, it's much simpler, much more complicated.

What he fears, what paralyzes him and prevents him from doing anything, is knowing with all certainty that once he crosses the line, once he surrenders to temptation and takes with both hands what he's wanted for so, so long, it'll take one taste of her lips, her warmth, to become addicted. He knows that once he has her all to himself he'll never be able to let her go. And that terrifies him.

There are certain lines he doesn't dare to cross.