Author's note: Had a bit of a hiatus, sorry. Lots of stuff going on, including turning 18 a few weeks ago. Expect lots of updates on everything this Wednesday; one of my resolutions is to write more.

This was written for the wtf27 challenge on LJ-- each ficlet will revolve around a different set of characters, probably mostly Akatasuki. Chances are, Itachi's up next.

Don't take this seriously, because I certainly don't.

Also, I'd like to express my annoyance at seemingly new restriction on non-alphabet characters in the summaries. I need my brackets.

edit: now with sneaky ninja edits. oh god, the original made me bash my head. There's crack, and then there's pain.


"What the hell."

"Tell me about it," Hidan said, leaning over Deidara's shoulder, far too calm for someone who had just learned that he impregnated another man. "Always thought you looked too much like a girl."

"Shut up, Hidan," Deidara managed tonelessly as he stared at the positive pregnancy test. "I have a dick, un."

"I know that."

The grin on Hidan's face was nothing short of perverse. "I know your brain's too tiny to comprehend much outside of your stupid religion, yeah, but normally it's a guarantee against this kind of thing."

"Hey, Jashin-sama works in strange ways, man," he reasoned, miraculously ignoring the slight against him. "If He sees fit to have His servant knock up some dude, who am I to question His wisdom?"

"... Your god's retarded."

"Oi, what'd I tell you about bashing my religion?"

"Whatever, un." They've had this conversation before.

It was silent for a moment, Hidan seeming almost thoughtful as he considered the possibilities. "Man, I hope the kid doesn't inherit your speech impediment. That'd be fucking embarrassing."

"If it turns out to be a dumbass like you, it'll be the least of its problems, un," Deidara sniffed, flipping his hair hautily.

"Fuck that, at least I'm not--"

The fight didn't progress much, eventually degenerating into cracks against the others' mothers.

It turned out okay in the end, anyway.