Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. All registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Ffordesoon sweet-talked me into this story arc. The little weasel promised to help with the writing - and given the wonderful bits he's added to my stories in some reviews I believed him. But when I tried to drop this chapter in his lap he ran like a yellow dog. I sent him a rough draft and expect to get his opinion 48 hours after posting this.
All writers mentioned gave me permission to include them. Heck, most of them volunteered for the abuse when I asked, "Anyone want a mention in a Best Enemies story?" They only have themselves to blame.
It Must be True, It's on the Internet
"How was your day?" Kim asked Ron as she passed him the broccoli.
"Awful," he answered as he served himself and put some on Sheki's plate. "I'm starting to wish I'd paid a more attention in high school." He paused and stared at the twins, "And let that be a lesson to you two."
"Going to break down some day and tell us why you're going for a degree in organic chem?" Shego asked as she watched to make certain Kasy actually ate her broccoli rather than slipping it off her plate to the small creature waiting optimistically by the young girl's chair.
Ron arched an eyebrow and gave an evil laugh, "Bawahahaha! Wouldn't you like to know?"
Shego glanced over to Kim, and shrugged. "He's been impossible since he got engaged to Bonnie, hasn't he?"
Kim sighed, "What do you mean, since he got engaged to Bonnie? How was your day?"
Shego hesitated, then admitted, "The boss chewed me out at work. I had, like, zero billable hours in the afternoon."
"What happened?" Ron asked.
"It's Kim's fault. She distracted me."
"Hey, wait a minute," Kim protested. "I didn't do anything to distract you."
Shego turned to Ron, "So, back in high school, was she always convinced she was perfect?"
"Oh yeah, had to be best at everything."
"No wonder she and Bonnie never got along. So, tell me, she ever break any rules? She ever smoke in the restroom or make out with her boyfriend under the bleachers?"
Kim broke in, "I never smoked in the restroom - or anywhere else!"
Shego smiled, but kept talking to Ron, "Ah, but she doesn't deny the other charge. So, how was she back in high school."
"Stop it! Now!" Kim ordered. "Not in front of the kids. And is one of you going to ask about my day or are you just going to wait and watch the news tonight?"
Ron and Shego finally asked about her day at Global Justice.
After dinner Ron started homework in his room and Kim and Shego took the girls to the park after cleaning the kitchen. Later, as Kim got the twins ready for bed Shego made two decaf espressos and placed a chocolate dipped biscotti on each saucer.
"I'm beat," the redhead groaned as she sank down on the couch and reached for the espresso. She took a sip and turned to Shego, "Was it serious at work today? Are you in trouble? And what did you mean, it's my fault?"
"Well, I screwed up this afternoon. I got on the internet at lunch and couldn't get off. Alice reamed me out, but I probably deserved it. She threatened to ground me from the internet if I did it again."
"I still don't see how it was my fault."
Shego grinned, "Come upstairs."
"Ah, mommy, do I hafta?" Kim whined in imitation of Sheki.
The large loft at the top of the house had become computer central. Bonnie still called the big house home and had left her college computer there, as had Monique when she moved out. Kim, and Shego had computers on the two long tables as well.
As two computers booted up Shego asked, "Ever go ego surfing?"
"You know, Google yourself."
"Not recently." Kim giggled, "That sounds silly, or maybe a little dirty. 'Kasy, what are you doing in the bathroom?' 'I'm Googling myself, Mom.' 'Well stop it this instant young lady'."
Shego gave her a disgusted look, "Have you done it since the Go Team Go cartoon started?"
Kim thought for a minute, "I don't think so. I'm not on the news as much since I joined Global Justice. Mostly there are a lot of old news clips about me."
Shego chuckled, "Oh, you're on it a lot more than that." She opened a web browser and typed in a URL. "You've heard of fanfiction?"
"Are those the stories geeks write where they put themselves in Star Trek episodes?"
"Basically… There are whole websites devoted to the drek… I found this one… Here it is, Fanfiction dot net… And here we go, cartoon page…"
Kim gazed in awe, "I didn't know that many cartoons existed."
"Yeah," Shego muttered, "but look at this. More than five thousand on Go Team Go."
"Oh my gosh," Kim said, amazed. "Any of them any good?"
"Fanfiction, Kim. Think about it. That's like asking, 'Was it a good auto accident?'"
"Wait, so you got in trouble at the office because you were reading stories written about you? And that's my fault?"
"Well, since you and Ron helped Team Go several times you appear in some stories. Actually, you two appear in a hell of a lot of them."
"Seriously. You and/or Ron are a recognizable sub-genre in Go Team Go cartoon fanfictions. And most of these stories seem to want and match people up. Some of the pairings are really bizarre."
"How weird are they."
"I won't tell you some of the really twisted ones… I'll let you find them for yourself." She gestured to the chair in front of the other computer. "Why don't you do a little browsing while I try to finish a couple I started this afternoon before Alice yelled at me."
But Shego didn't let Kim browse long before explaining, "I'm trying to finish this series by a writer called Allaine, love the stories."
"What's so great about them?"
"He clearly uses the other Shego."
"Other Shego? I'm lost."
"Well, your brothers and Wade have been putting disinformation on the web about me. There was 'good' Shego who worked with Team Go years ago - and apparently joined again on the cartoon. Then there was 'bad' Shego who copied her costume and had special gloves constructed to mimic the power of the 'good' Shego. Allaine writes about 'bad' Shego - oh, you hook up with her at the end."
"I guess that makes sense," Kim said slowly, "I mean, I'm living with the one who pled guilty in court. But people know you've got plasma powers."
"I don't use them that often."
Kim coughed discretely.
"Hey, poker games at the house don't count. And your brothers were cheating."
"You don't know that!"
"Get real, they never took another pot after we separated them."
"You didn't threaten Drakken when he tried to cheat."
"He had his friggin' mind reading helmet set on reverse! He was revealing his cards to us instead of reading our minds!"
"But he tried to cheat!"
"You're just sore because you found out he really doesn't like you. You're Kim Possible and you want everyone in the world to love you."
"Drop it," Kim muttered through clenched teeth, "and I wasn't thinking about poker night. I was thinking about the grocery store incident two weeks ago."
"Be fair. She was in the express lane with too many items."
"And for that you had to threaten her?"
"She should have been able to count to twelve without taking off her shoes."
"And what kind of an example were you setting for Sheki?"
"To stand up for what's right and play by the rules!"
Kim rolled her eyes in exasperation and shifted the topic back to Allaine, "So, anyway, this guy writes about 'bad' Shego, and that's good."
"Yeah," Shego grinned. "There are some writers have stories where 'good' Shego rejoins Team Go to help bring in 'bad' Shego. A couple guys even have stories where 'good' Shego and 'bad' Shego end up in bed… Talk about weird."
"Any stories where I end up in bed with both of you?"
Shego grinned, "The innocent girl I fell in love with has gotten kinky."
"If they're both you I'm not cheating."
"Ummm," Shego mused, "I might be willing to share you with me… I'll bet someone even has a story like that, I just haven't found it yet."
Kim managed to exact some revenge on Shego a minute later, "You remember threatening me with weird match-ups?"
"I found one with you and Betty!" Kim exclaimed.
"Betty? Betty who?"
Shego stared at Kim, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, really. 'Give Me One Reason' by A Markov. She's hurt and you're the one who is there for her."
"Kim, I'm trying to stay as far away from that woman as I can. I'm pretty sure her best case scenario for me involves whips and chains."
"That's ridiculous. I'm sure she's not into B&D… Or would that be S&M? I'm not sure what the difference is. She-"
"That isn't what I meant, Kim. She probably blames me for corrupting you or something."
"She's very tolerant… And she gets badly hurt in this story," Kim noticed as she skimmed. "Hey, we have an Agent Markov at Global Justice, and he doesn't get along with Dr. Director. You don't think…?"
Shego rolled her eyes, "He wouldn't be stupid enough to put his own name on it."
"Well, I think it's wonderful the way the story shows your softer side."
"I don't have a softer side."
Shego shook her head and turned back to the computer.
Kim looked for stories that appeared to focus on Shego, "Oh, I've found a really scary story," she called a few minutes later.
"I'm not that big on horror stories."
"I didn't say horror story. I said scary."
Shego grumbled, "You're splitting hairs."
"No, check it out, 'Escapism' by Eoraptor."
"I'll look later."
"Look now, please."
As Shego found and skimmed the story Kim explained her reasoning, "It's like you don't care about your life or anything. All you want is the thrill."
"I kind of like this," Shego said softly as she skimmed the story, "been there, done that."
"Okay, not the motorcycle in the storm literally. But there were a couple years when it looked like I didn't have a future. I could have done this."
"Well, now you've got a family who loves and needs you. Don't you dare do anything stupid like that again."
"Says the thrill junkie."
"I'm not a…" Kim denied the charge in her mind, but knew she couldn't win an argument on the subject, so she shut her mouth and let Shego return to reading as she returned to browsing through summaries.
Kim chuckled and bookmarked a story, 'Monkey Chi, Monkey Du' by a writer called Gray Cardinal on the strength of the summary, "Will Du's personality is more wooden than usual." She felt certain such a thing was impossible, but would look it over.
Something puzzled Kim in the summaries of many stories in which she appeared. "I'm with Ron in a lot of these, aren't I?"
"Yeah," Shego agreed, "what's your point?"
"I mean, I don't know… It just seems a little odd."
"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Princess. You and Ron? You two were always seen together for years. You go together - like chocolate and peanut butter, or hot dogs and mustard, or an 'eighty-seven Yugo and bald tires. To most people the two of you make more sense than the two of us. Hell, most people in town figure Ron is the father of the girls."
"Helped by the fact Kasy always calls him Daddy."
Shego laughed. "Bonnie wants her to stop that. Oh, don't know if you've heard this, but some people figure Ron is sleeping with both of us."
"Really. I've heard there's a rumor going around that Sheki is my daughter by Ron."
Kim shook her head in amazement, "So when he gets this next degree and moves out-"
"Oh, yeah. Like that will happen," Shego scoffed.
"He says this will be his last Bachelor's."
"That probably means he'll start a graduate program in one of those fields."
"No, he's going to marry Bonnie and move to be with her. We'll be losing him."
"Have they set a date?"
"No," Kim admitted.
"No wedding without a date. He's stalling for time - stringing her along."
"You're impossible. They're going to get married and live happily ever after." Kim sighed, "Our little boy has become a man." She was silent for about fifteen seconds. "Do you think everyone will figure out we're a couple when he leaves?"
Shego's lips twitched in a half smile, "Nah. I mean there enough stories with us together to show some people already get it. But most people still won't believe we're a couple. They shall look upon us as two lonely spinsters, living in our separate bedrooms - heartbroken by the loss of the man we both loved."
"You're absolutely impossible," Kim mumbled.
"Oh, here's a story that's supposed to be about us," Kim called a couple minutes later, "it's by someone called Zaratan and titled, 'Life's Strange Turns'."
"Is it any good?"
"I'll check." Kim glanced quickly through the story. A couple minutes later she muttered, "Huh?" and went to the writer's profile page. "Apparently stories have the word 'complete' by them if they're finished."
"Our Mr. Zaratan apparently finds it easier to start stories than finish them."
"Well, was the story any good?"
"I'm not sure. I still hated your guts in the last chapter he wrote."
"At least that's sort of true to life."
"Yeah, but there were people I never heard of in it, and Global Justice arranged an amnesty for you because you were willing to work for them."
"I can't see that happening," Shego scoffed.
"I don't think she hates you nearly as much as you think."
"You're probably right - but I don't think she possibly could."
Kim went back to skimming through screens of story summaries as Shego did more reading. "Do women write any of this stuff?" Kim wondered.
"Probably some. I think most of them are men. Sometimes they rub the fact it's a male writer in your face."
"Eww, that sounds disgusting."
"Usually. Want an example?"
"Read a story this afternoon, 'Hard Times', by Saffron Majesty. "You and I have sex-"
"I'm in favor of that."
"He turns you into a guy, probably 'cause he has no idea how two women make love."
"Turns you into a guy. Just for the story. I'm hot. You can't keep your hands - or anything else - off of me."
"I'm not going to look at that."
"Just as well, in the sequel, 'Bleak House', I'm mean and you're stupid. Or, if you want another example or a writer who has to be a guy, found a story this afternoon, 'Maternal Instinct' by Blackbird. I get pregnant from a shot in the arm."
Kim's jaw dropped open in amazement, "A shot in the arm?"
"Swear to God. You wonder if his school had health class or his parents home schooled him. I'm guessing he's not married."
Kim giggled, "Imagine him and his wife trying to conceive a baby."
"Hey, if she's got any kind of maternal instinct she'll explain the birds and bees to him."
Shego gave on finishing the stories by Allaine, too much conversation with Kim to focus, and skimmed through some summaries on her own, stopping to look at stories that sounded especially interesting. "Here's a story, 'In the Middle', by someone named Starvinglunatic that has you shacked up with both Bonnie and me," Shego called to Kim.
"Bonnie's in a story?"
"Yeah, some of the writers do a little bit of research on our lives."
"Not much if they've got a 'phob like Bonnie in bed with the two of us."
"Bonnie's cute. You've really never pictured her in bed with the two of us?" Shego didn't notice if Kim answered. Shego had gone to Starvinglunatic's profile page and looked at the stories listed. "Oh, here's one, 'Goh Forth and Conquer' where I get Bonnie all to myself." Shego scanned it quickly. "Ron gets you in this one."
When Kim said nothing in response the green woman looked over. Kim had her fingers stuck in her ears.
"What's wrong, Princess?"
"I don't like it when you tease me about Bonnie."
"You don't like being teased about Bonnie because you really are attracted to her?"
Shego's voice lost the teasing tone, "Seriously, that upset you a lot. Care to explain?"
Kim stared vacantly at the computer screen in front of her for several seconds before answering. "I don't know… Sometimes I have some weird feelings for Bonnie…"
"Weird feelings?" Shego classified the sudden pain in her own stomach at Kim's words as a weird feeling.
"Weird, inappropriate, whatever. I know she's a 'phob, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have her in bed…" Kim looked over to Shego, "I mean, I wouldn't… I wouldn't cheat on you. But sometimes, I guess, I think about Bonnie. It's weird, she was my worst enemy in high school, but during college she became one of my best friends… Maybe that's why I feel kind of confused."
Shego tried to find words that could help both of them, "Well, I won't let you call her your worst enemy. I'm saving that title for me."
"No," Kim interrupted with a giggle, "you were my best enemy."
Shego laughed, "Okay, I was the best. But seriously, Bonnie was around a lot during the time you realized you liked girls better than guys. And you ended up falling in love with your best enemy… I mean, it's kind of natural for you to have mixed feelings about her. And she's hot."
"It isn't fair to you."
"Cut you a deal, I'll let you look but not touch if you let me look but not touch."
"Isn't that lusting in our hearts or something?"
"So the woman lusting after Bonnie is going moral on me?"
"I'm not lusting after Bonnie. I just said I sometimes have weird feelings about her."
"Look, it's okay. Sometimes I find other people attractive-"
"Shhh, not so loud, the girls are asleep. It's pronounced 'normal'. It doesn't mean I'd cheat on you. It just means I'm not blind."
"Do the other people you find attractive include guys?"
Shego changed the subject by going on the offense, "I wonder if your weird feelings about Bonnie are because she's taking Ron away from you."
"She's not taking Ron away from me! I want Ron to be happy!"
"I dunno. You and Ron have been together twenty years. I think you're jealous."
"Can we drop Bonnie, please?"
Shego was happy to oblige, "You were asking if women wrote these things, I think the Lunatic may be woman."
"What makes you think Starvinglunatic is a woman? Does she get the sex right?"
"Well, I think it's better. No, you know I hate stereotyping but, as a general rule, I think women are better with sensory images than men. I feel like the Lunatic's stories are richer with images a woman would notice."
Kim found a summary that sounded interesting. After wading through author's notes that took up almost half the story she finally struck plot.
"Ahhh, this one is cute."
"'When Sleepwalking Goes Wrong', by… any idea how to pronounce F-f-o-r-d-e-s-o-o-n?"
"Pretty sure the first 'f' is silent."
"Thanks lots," Kim said dryly. "Bad Shego is sleepwalking and ends up in bed with me."
"I sleepwalk from God knows where to your house and crawl into bed with you?"
"I must be irresistible to you. You can't live without me and are drawn to me like a moth to a flame."
"That's stupid," Shego grumbled.
"It's adorable," Kim giggled. "And I am smitten with your surprising charm - and the fact you are the most wonderfully warm cuddle toy on earth."
"It's still stupid."
"Umm, I do love snuggling with you on a cold winter morning."
"And in the summer?"
"Those separate bedrooms you mentioned sound good. Don't you have some way to adjust your thermostat?"
"You found a switch on me yet?"
"No, but I'll look again."
"Ohmygosh!" Kim exclaimed as she scanned a profile page.
"Ohmygosh, what?" Shego demanded.
"Over one hundred stories…" she scrolled down, "A hundred and ten stories, most seem to be with Ron and me."
"A hundred and ten?"
"Bookmark the page. I'll bet it's a hundred and eleven before the night is over."
"Some writer called CaptainKodak1-"
"Got to be a guy."
"The rank, right? GeneralEducation, MajorDisaster, ColonelCorn they'd all be guys."
"Right. I think CorporalPunishment would be as low in rank as a man would go."
"So if I see a PrivateConcern?"
"Umm, run a search. You won't find any privates."
"I'm not going to touch that line." "And if I do?" Kim asked.
Kim giggled, "Or a guy with low self-esteem."
"Anything special about the good Captain and his hundred and ten stories?"
Kim examined the list, "Well, most of them are one chapter and the word 'complete' doesn't appear very often… But this figure, number of reviews, seems higher than I remember seeing."
"It means he's popular."
"He misspelled Monkeyfist's real name."
"Yeah, he has a story 'I am Monkeyfist,' where he has the name down as Milton… Doesn't even have a thousand words."
"You don't write a hundred and ten epics," Shego commented. "Still, a hundred and ten? He's a candidate for the Please Please Pleese Get a Life Foundation."
A little while later Kim requested, "Go ask Ron to come up here."
"I found one that will gross him out."
"Who they have him paired with, or Bonnie paired with?"
"Can you stop asking questions and call him, please? I want to see him turn green. Remember I just mentioned Monkeyfist? I found a story that pairs him with Ron!"
"By your CaptainPolaroid?"
"No. Now, pweeeze?" Kim summoned a puppy dog pout that hit an eight on the Richter Scale and Shego's defenses crumpled. "I'll let you watch his expression too," she promised.
"Okay," Shego grumbled. As the green woman slid her chair back to stand up Kim suddenly turned a bilious shade of green and clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from throwing up. Shego was at her side instantly, "You okay?"
Kim wasn't okay, she moved the mouse and hit 'home' before trying to regain her composure. "'The Gift'," she gasped, "by Beeftony… Has me paired with Drakken."
Shego gently patted Kim's back until she calmed down. "Why would anyone write a story like that?" the redhead demanded.
"Shock value," Shego explained. "Don't read any more stories by Beeftony. Shego wondered if she should have warned Kim against Beeftony, who had stories more disturbing than 'The Gift', but Shego had worried that warning Kim would only make her more curious.
"There ought to be a law against shock value, or at least some sort of warning," Kim complained as she prepared to plunge again into the depths of FFN."
"Some people like shock. And some people make situations bad to increase the intensity of the drama-"
"Who wants to make stories more unpleasant than real life?"
"Do you see that little 'forum' link at the top of the screen?"
Kim looked quickly, "Yep. What's that about?"
"It's not enough for some people to write this stuff, or other people to read it. Some of them want to talk about it too. Anyway, when I looked around there I saw a lot of talk about a story called 'Kim Possible: Mind, Body, and Soul' by a hobnob-rev that must have a lot of violence."
"Must have? You didn't look"
"I did a search, found the writer's profile. It's got, like, four hundred and fifty thousand words!"
"Eep! Four hundred and fifty thousand?"
"A little more, and more than six hundred reviews. Reviews usually indicate popularity. I didn't even start it, just sort of put in on my list of things to do if I ever have a year off."
"That one could take six months by itself."
"Yeah," Shego agreed. "But, getting back to the point. From the talk about it in the forums I gather it's got some pretty graphic torture. Another thing that discouraged me from reading it was the fact people talked more about the villain than about us."
"About the villain? Drakken? Electronique?"
"Some sociopath named Kara Fang."
"Kara Fang? Never heard of him."
Shego rolled her eyes, "It's fiction. And Kara Fang is a woman." Shego continued her literature lesson, "Now, besides shock value and dramatic intensity throwing all kinds of nasty shit at your characters can also provide catharsis."
Shego sighed, "You really shouldn't have blown off your freshman year that way."
"I was young and madly in love. I blame her for distracting me."
"I happen to know she wanted you to do well in college."
"Definitely her fault."
"That's it," the green woman grumbled, "when all else fails blame the innocent victim."
"Catharsis," Shego continued firmly, "emotionally cleansing. If you look up stories by cpneb you'll find your friends and family tortured, blinded, killed, or crippled."
"Eeeew, that's depressing. Sounds as bad as Beeftony."
"Yeah, but it's not shock, it's pronounced angst and some people actually enjoy it. Makes their own lives seem so much better in comparison."
"I still think I'll pass."
"Okay, but the stories are really well written. He or she packs an emotional wallop - might be the only Go Team Go writer to understand catharsis."
"He or she? No clear indicators?"
"Told you I don't like stereotyping. The emotional details and attention to what people wear suggests cpneb is a woman, but the way cpneb describes the boobs on the women argues for a guy."
Kim shook her head and turned back to the screen, "Another half hour and I'm going to bed."
About five minutes later Kim's jaw dropped, "This 'Eastbound and Down,' by some guy called FAH3 has you and Ron together at the end!"
"Yeah, I found several like that this afternoon."
"You, and Ron?"
"There are a lot of girls you find him attractive, in his own clueless sort of way."
"You, and Ron!"
"Ohhh, I think you're jealous."
"I'm not jealous!"
"And then there're the stories where Ron is some sort of super stud."
Kim giggled, "Super stud?"
"Near as I can tell it was the only reason some people figured you could put up with him."
"No one realized he's, like, really a sweet guy?"
"Oh, yeah. He's that in some stories too. In 'The Dark Angel Series' by Aedan Cameron every girl in town thinks he's great. Every girl but you. Guess who gets him?"
"Bonnie?" Shego shook her head 'no'. "Tara? Zita?"
"Nope, me again. Or there's 'Ttakepa' by JohathonWolf - nice piece of fantasy, really nothing to do with our lives. Ron goes through this portal to another world first, so that by the time I get there he's a couple years older than me and-"
"Time," Kim called. "It's a fantasy that has nothing to do with the lives of Team Go whatsoever, but it uses you and Ron?"
"Yeah, it's AU instead of crossover."
"AU? Don't go into 'Nique Speak on me."
"AU, alternative universe. Everyone can read minds, or we live underwater, or I'm the only person in the world who isn't green sorts of things. It's some world which isn't like ours."
"What does any of that have to do with the cartoon show?"
"Hell if I know," Shego confessed. "I'm not sure if they like us as characters and just want to throw us in an unusual setting or if the writers think they have a good idea and hope more people will read it if they stick in established characters and put it in a popular series. Anyway 'Ttakep' must be about the bad Shego. She's a little hostile to Ron when she first gets there, but his quiet charm-"
"I'm getting just a little tired of stories with you and Ron!"
"Tired or jealous?" Shego smirked.
"Do you find him attractive," Kim shot back.
It was the green woman's turn to be silent for a minute. "Yeah, I guess I do," Shego admitted. "I think it's normal. He's a great guy and I've been living under the same roof with him for years. But that doesn't mean I'd leave the mother of my kids and run away with him."
"That's all I am? The mother of your kids?"
"The woman I love! I meant the woman I love!"
Shego felt grateful when Kim switched the topic back to genre, "You said something about crossovers? That's different from an AU?"
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I've got a crossover where Ron beats me up. Or maybe it isn't a crossover… Maybe it's a parody, 'Shegowocky' by Pharaoh Rutin Tutin."
"'Shegowocky'? Sounds like a play on the poem Jabberwocky."
"Exactly, classic source material. It can almost make you forget he took his name from a Three Stooges routine."
"And with a name from a Three Stooges routine we know it had to be a guy - right?"
Kim pointed out, "I'm still waiting on your definition of crossovers and AU stories."
"Look, I'm not an expert. I don't think there's a clear line between AU and crossover. There are some which are clearly one or the other, but then there's a huge chunk of gray in between."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Yeah, I just mentioned a clear AU. There was a story I hated-"
"Depends on what you mean. It's written in good English, but has serious plot problems. Still, great example of a clear crossover, "The Next Contestant," by Ran Hakubi, a crossover with the TV show The Price Is Right.
"A crossover with a game show?"
"I told you I didn't like it."
"Was Vanna White in it?"
"She's on Wheel of Fortune I think… Or was. I haven't watched in years. The two big problems were that it was Global Justice day on the show - but all the contestants were your friends and family - and there was no conflict. I kept going from chapter to chapter thinking at some point conflict would have to be introduced - zilch."
"It's got to have a fight to be good?"
"Conflict doesn't have to be a fight. A story needs something for dramatic tension. The host would call someone you knew down, she'd win. Everyone was so perfect it was disgusting. Except Will Du; he was comedy relief."
"They should have had him on as a cure for insomnia." Kim continued as Shego laughed, "Let me make sure I have it straight, I say 'Let's jump in bed together,' and you say, 'No,' it makes a story. You say, 'Yes,' and there's no story?"
"Exactly so," Shego agreed. "I say 'no' and you have to discover my motivation and resolve the conflict. You overcome all the obstacles the plot throws in your way and finally you have your reward - me. I say 'yes' and there's no plot - it's not a story."
Kim giggled, "It could be pornography. That doesn't need a plot."
Shego shook her head sadly, and Kim continued, "It sounds like AU and crossovers should be clear enough."
"Easier to say in theory than practice. You up for a good story where you end up with Ron?"
"After the way you've been telling me how great he is? Maybe I'll go straight and try to steal him away from Bonnie."
"Yeah, sure," Shego scoffed. "No, it's one of the good stories, I think the title was 'Ronicus ad Porta' by Mr. Oz or something like that. Anyway, it's set back in the Roman Republic and has some historical characters in it. So, is it a crossover with history or an AU?"
"I, uh, don't know."
"Yeah, I'm not sure either. But that's one of the fun ones. You and Ron are both really yourselves even two thousand years ago and you end up married to each other."
"Are you in it?"
"I'm a witch."
"Talk about type casting."
"Hey, I happen to think I'm the smartest person in the story. Or second smartest, after you. Ron fights beside the Masked Warrior for months without ever figuring out it's you."
"Yeah, you change costumes in ancient Roman phone booths and have a warrior cave under your mansion."
"You're kidding, right?"
"Check it out and see, it really is fun."
As Shego used the search feature in vain to find if Mr. Oz had more stories Kim called, "I think I found one of the ones where Ron is a super stud."
"I told you they were out there. Every girl in Middleton?"
"No, just Yori and me, together with him-"
"At the same time?"
"Yeah, 'Every Ron's Dream', by Whitem."
"And what can we tell about the writer called Whitem from this story?" Shego demanded.
Kim giggled, "Another guy. Probably with fantasies of two girls in bed with him."
As Kim read and commented at the other computer Shego began reading 'A Good Time for Extra Training' by Ghostwhiter. She found it eerie and disturbing how much she identified with it. She'd never had a house in the country, but the loneliness and isolation she remembered only too well. She could recall the borderline paranoia when she was on the run, the sense of panic the slightest unexpected noise could instill in her...
She was so engrossed in the story she almost screamed in terror when Kim's fingers softly stroked her cheek, "You coming to bed or do I need to resolve some conflict to get my reward?"
Shego wondered why she hadn't heard Kim's approach, and quickly closed the screen.
"What did you do that for," Kim demanded. "I wasn't reading over your shoulder."
"I was done."
"No you weren't! Was that porn?"
"'Cause it's okay if it was - as long as you were looking for new ideas for us… You're crying!"
"My eyes are tired. Too much staring at computer screens all day. You're right - I need to go to bed."
Kim stood behind Shego's chair as the older woman shut the computer down. Shego stretched as she stood then told Kim, "I really need a hug."
"Are you okay," Kim asked as Shego embraced her with almost desperate longing.
"You saved my life. I love you."
"I saved your life? I remember you saving mine… When did I save yours?"
"Metaphorically," Shego murmured, squeezing her lover tightly, "metaphorically."
"Metaphorically? That counts?"
"Absolutely," Shego assured her, not relaxing the embrace. "If it weren't for you I'd have no life."
"Even if it means being my vewy own widdle cuddle toy?" Shego said nothing, but Kim could feel the green woman's chuckle as they held each other. "Are you okay," Kim asked softly, "the baby talk usually annoys you."
"I love you, Kim."
"I love you too. And I want us to go to bed now literally, not metaphorically."
"Sweet talk like that will turn a girl's head," Shego said, grinning. She released Kim from the embrace, but held the younger woman's hand as the two headed for the stairs to their bedroom.
A/N In regard to the Please Please Pleese Get a Life Foundation…
A. You'd not heard of it, noticed third please and thought it was an error.
B. You'd not heard of it, and didn't even notice the third please.
C. You remembered the cartoon (even if you forgot that gag).