As it says in the summary, this is based on "Blank Sheet of Paper" by Tim McGraw, but it is not a songfic. Jake is trying to write Bella a letter apologizing for not talking to her. One shot.
I don't really like to write stories that are not after what Stephenie Meyer wrote, but I really wanted to write this one, which is set at the very beginning of Eclipse. I hope you like it! Reviews are definitely appreciated!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Twilight series or "Blank Sheet of Paper," even though it isn't mentioned in the actual story.
Jacob folds the piece of paper up again as if that would erase the message inside. He sets it down next to his pen. He stares at it for a moment then halfheartedly pushes it off the table, startling Billy in the living room. Billy has been listening to his son groan and fold that piece of paper Bella had sent him for far too long.
Jake's first thought is how childish, yet how desperate, her letter was. He scribbles down, "I don't know why you're making a Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade – if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the"
He stops and looks at the words. No, definitely not. Way too harsh. And not at all true.
He does want to talk to her. It just isn't right. Sam had forbidden him to get anywhere near that bloodsucker, and if he was going to spend all his time with Bella, then Jake certainly can't as well. He scratches out the words.
With the motion, Jake is consumed with an unnatural hatred toward Bella. It isn't his fault they can't see each other!
He writes, "You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when"
The anger fades away as his pen snaps in half and splatters a few drops onto the scratched-out paper.
He grabs a new pen and begins again. "What part of 'mortal enemies,'" He can feel the heat rising up in his throat as he continues with the short sentence, mumbling the last couple of words out loud. He keeps on with, "is too complicated for you to"
He breaks through the paper, and the heat leaves. Hoping she doesn't read the mark-outs, he picks up with, "Look, I know I'm being a jerk, but there's just no way around"
He stops yet again realizing there is a way around it. Bella is right; they can be friends. Sam didn't give him the order to stay away from Edward in wolf form. So he can still be with her. He starts toward the paper again only to realize that won't work. That boyfriend of hers would never let Bella anywhere anyone in the pack. Especially not alone which is the only way Jake thinks he could handle things.
He sighs and begins again with, "We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of"
No, no, no. It just doesn't feel right to him. It has to show her how much he cares but that they really do have to stay away from each other. He looks up to keep anything emotional from falling out of his eyes. He quickly shuts them and scribbles down a few more words that come straight from the lump in his throat onto the paper.
"It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore"
That won't do either. The first part wouldn't exactly help that conceited Edward deflate his big head. And the last part still isn't true. And he can't lie, not to Bella.
He looks at the previously blank sheet of paper and wonders about what would be the right thing to say. The thing that would make everything better.
He wants to say that he's sorry for everything. He wants to beg for her forgiveness for not being with her now, when she really wants him. It just wouldn't work.
He stares that piece of paper down, as if it has the answers and just isn't going to tell him. It seems like an eternity. The cap of his pen clicks off and on, on and off. He just can't figure out how to word the feels running around in circles inside of him.
If only he'd tell the truth. He could be fussing over what he should have said instead of what he is going to say.
But he just stares down at that little white sheet of paper. With its cross outs and ink spots. He considers crossing out the previous lines more thoroughly then decides against it for some reason. As if his failed attempts might give her something to go off of instead of his silence.
How does one start to say he doesn't want it to end? Nothing sounds quite right.
An hour has gone by with that little sheet of paper growing bigger by the second. Billy heads to bed, a sigh reverberating off the walls behind him.
Jake can't go to sleep though. He has to write something down.
Sunlight streams through the curtains as morning arrives. Blank.
Jacob is nearly asleep but is staying upright, knowing he has to tell her something before giving up. A tear is glimmering in his eye, refusing to fall. It would be defeat as well.
It might be good if it did fall. It would land on that white space and tell Bella everything she needs to know.
But he just stares at the paper. He can almost see the paper staring back at him. His Os the pupils, looking straight into him, but silent as the empty road in front of his house, an invitation for Bella's monster engine to round the corner.
Billy wakes up, and Jacob can see the concern in his father's eyes. But he doesn't say anything in fear that his son will snap completely.
Sitting at the table, Billy looks on quietly as Jake impatiently taps his pen on the wood.
Billy finishes his breakfast and mumbles that he's off to meet Charlie for some fishing. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jake flinch and say, "Wait," in a cracked voice.
Knowing he won't come up with anything worth mentioning, Jake hurriedly scrawls, "Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry. Jacob," folds the paper, and lets one tear fall on the outside of the sheet before handing it to his father.
I hope you liked it! Originally, I was going to do that for Jake trying to write something to Bella when he first turns into a wolf and Bella doesn't know yet, but I started writing this and just kept going! Review, please!