Author's Note: So, I got tired of being afraid to post something in the Lost fandom. If I can post in the destroyed Harry Potter fandom, then I can survive the NOT destroyed Lost fandom (just nod your head and go with it, even though you don't know what I'm talking about).
Disclaimer: Thanks for pouring salt in an open wound, jerk.
Author's Note (again): This fic can be place in season one sometime. And after reading it, you'll wonder about me: this is pretty stupid and random, I know. I have more worthwhile oneshots for this fandom hiding in my treasure chest of documents; I just have to coax them out. If this one does okay, they'll be less shy, I'm sure. –hint, hint—
"You want to make a snowball?"—Hurley in response to Jin's hand movements, season one.
"Finito!" Hurley cried in triumph, clapping his hands together in an effort to get the sand that coated them off; he stepped back, proudly admiring his and Charlie's handiwork. In front of them, just a bit above the high tide mark of the ocean's waters, stood an incredibly large pile of sand, slightly resembling something that a five-year-old would have made to entertain himself when his efforts to make a sandcastle had failed. Right in the middle of the sand pile was a stick on either side, both about the length of a loaf of bread. A bit farther up from that, two rocks stuck in there side by side could just barely be seen, and between the pebbles there was what could have possibly been a place where a thumb had been pressed into the sand, but was now almost completely gone.
Whatever it looked like, it certainly couldn't be said that it looked like what it was supposed to be: a man made of sand; the closest thing they could get to a Christmas snowman, seeing as how the snow was a bit sparse these days.
Hurley and Charlie had been working on it nearly all morning, and a little into the afternoon: it was now about two past noon, and they had only just completed their "man". Hurley cocked his head to the side, and when he spoke he seemed more to be thinking aloud than to be actually speaking to Charlie, who stood beside him grinning at the sandman. "I dunno, though, dude," said Hurley, with an expression on his face that would fit perfectly with someone scratching their chin, "it needs something, doesn't it? Claire and already gave it eyes and a nose, and Shannon and Sayid put in arms…. But it doesn't look right. What's missing?"
"How about a name?" Charlie said, seeming to stand a built taller as if the idea had came to him so suddenly it knocked him upright. Of course, anyone who could see the pitiful thing of sand would know that a name was not all it needed to make it more realistic, but it was the first thing Charlie had thought of. "We can't just call him 'sandman' all the time, can we?"
"Hmm." Hurley cocked his head to the other side. "But what do you call a snowman made of sand? Frosty just doesn't really, fit, man…"
"No," Charlie agreed, and in the short silence that followed as both men mulled this over, he noticed that some of the others had wandered back over, curious to see how their sand-creation was coming along. "Kate, Jack," he called to the two people nearest, and both of them walked a little closer; "what do you name a man made of sand?"
"Well, that's obvious," Jack replied, gazing at their pile of sand that was supposed to be a man curiously. He seemed to be fighting back a laugh that he probably considered rude, but would in all reality be absolutely justified. "I mean, why not name it Sandy?"
"Sandy sounds more like a girl's name, though," Hurley replied.
"And it can't be a woman because…?" Kate let her sentence die, eyeing Hurley as if waiting for him to continue it, while at the same time warning him against it. Luckily, he was smart enough just to shrug and turn back around, away from her gaze.
"It's just…well, you know," said Charlie, and Kate's raised eyebrows, told him she, in fact, didn't know. He finished rather feebly, "it just always kinda seemed to be a guy."
"I've seen Sandy used as a male name as well as female," said Jack, who looked as if he was saying this in an attempt to save his two male companions the embarrassment of arguing with Kate about femininity.
"Are you serious, dude?" Hurley asked, sounding much more astonished the situation really called for. Beside him, Charlie's face contorted into something resembling a red blowfish; he was holding in a snigger, as if the name Sandy being used on a boy was the one of the funniest thing he'd ever heard…either that, or he had to use the bathroom really bad.
"Sure," Jack replied, smiling, "haven't you ever seen the movie 'Flipper'?"
Jack gave a bit of a chuckle and said, "well, if you don't want it to be a man named Sandy, why not just make it a girl, then?"
"Whose side are you on, Jack?" Charlie asked; "shouldn't you be helping us men?"
"Just make the damn thing a sandwoman named Sandy and be done with it," Kate said. "It's kind of pathetic, this conversation."
Charlie sighed; "well, when you put it that way…"
"It's totally not okay," Hurley cut in; he seemed to be glowering at his companion for even making people think he had switched sides for even a second. "Imagine this," he said, turning to Kate, "we make our sandman a woman, right, then what? We start singing 'Sandy the Sandwoman'. But we can't, 'cause the extra, uh, sound…"
"Syllable," Jack provided before Kate could open her mouth; his soft correction sounded more like helpfulness or kindness; Kate surely would have made Hurely look stupid. Even now she looked like Jack had deprived her of a wonderful opportunity, and crossed her arms.
"Go on," she said.
"I knew that," Hurley said, and no one could tell if he was lying or telling the truth; "anyway, like I said, you can't sing it with 'woman' instead of 'man'. Think about it, dude, it doesn't flow that way; it just…doesn't work."
"Preach it, brother," Charlie said, clapping Hurley on the shoulder; Kate, on the other hand, didn't seem convinced. Quite the contrary, actually.
"So you're basing the gender of an inanimate object on whether or not it matches a child's Christmas tune?" She shook her head. "I always knew this conversation was pathetic, but this…." She was unable to come up with the right words for what this was, and just kept shaking her head in wonder, walking away without a word.
When she had gone far enough away to make the point clear she really wasn't coming back, Charlie turned to face Jack and Hurley. "So," he said, "does this mean it's a man or a woman?"