He hates everything in this world…he had everything that he knew, yet everything that he didn't know…also…he hates him…and he hates himself. The grey eyes man looked at the picture beside his bed. There was a bluenette, smiling at him and kissing him on the cheek. He remembered that moment. It was his birthday. And the bluenette made a surprise party for him.
The bluenette had tried his best just for his birthday. And he told him, he'll do anything…everything for him. But, Zane can't even help his love. He just can stare at him, crying…hold him tight when he blows his last breath. Zane hates him for that. He hates him for being like that. The bluenette have everything that he wanted…everything that he needs from someone. And he sure, only his love can make him smile…And now, it just hard to smile…he can't laugh anymore. Without his bluenette beside him, everything was empty. His heart…his feelings…himself. It was empty. It got none.
"Syrus…"Zane griped the picture as his eyes once again filled with tears. He hated everything. He hated it! Why the bluenette must 'go' first before him?! Why the one that he loved must leave him, no matter how hard he tried to resist it?! No matter how hard he tried to stop it?!
"I hate you!!!" Zane bit his lips in frustration. He left his tears falling down from his eyes and held himself tight…with nobody beside him. Before, everytime he feels sad, there will be a hand, giving him tissue…, or there'll be someone hugged him tight. That person, he really needs that person. And he can't breathe easily without the bluenette beside him. He is his everything. He understands him more than Zane can understand himself. And no matter what happens, that bluenette won't never let go off his hand…but still…why He take him away? Why He didn't realize how much important the bluenette for him?! Why He could take away his happiness…his life!?
His wristwatch reminds him about what he should do today. Zane immediately took his coat and ran out from his apartment. He gets inside his car and started the engine. Zane drove as fast as he can, headed to the churchyard. Before he went to the graveyard, he stopped his car in front of the church and walked inside the church. Once again, he remembered something.
"Zane! Look! Isn't it beautiful!?" he stared at the angel statue. He remembered his love told him that was the most beautiful angel he can ever see. He also remembered his smile and laughed when Zane told him that the angel was not sexier than him…He still remembered even how much he wanted to forgot everything that related to the bluenette.
"When we're bigger, I want to marry the one that loves me in here! In front of God! I want you to have me! All right, Zane? If you don't marry me, I'll kill you!" Zane walked towards to the God's figure. He really had killed him. Zane had once given his word that he will never forgive the God…if he lost the bluenette…And it was true. He had never forgiven Him since that day. It just too hard to believe, the only one he loved, had gone…had disappeared from his life. The only thing that he had is only memories. Memories are the thing that he most hated in his life. He hated memories…yet, he doesn't want to lose it. He doesn't want to let go of it…because he afraid, he need it everything he breath. Memories about the bluenette…everything about his love, he keeps in his heart. Everything his heart's beating; it's reminding him about his love. Zane stared at the figure and grasped his hand in annoy.
"I'm here now…Can You gives him back to me? Can You?" Zane hold the statue and bowed his head. He had no answered. Zane looked back at the statue with anger and cried aloud.
"Why you take him away from me, you bastard!!? ...I love him…Please give him back to me…"Zane sat on the chair and cried. He closed his eyes and bit his lips in exasperate. Zane looked back on the empty chair beside him. That chair…always…He always saw his love sat on the chair, hold his hand together…and pray. He always saw his love closed his eyes and hoping for something…something that he should know earlier. He always…saw his love opened his eyes again…and tears falling down from his beautiful blue eyes. And one day, his love asked him for taking him there again…He had lost that day…he had lost his love…because in that day…he watched his love collapse in the church's floor. Blood was everywhere…he can saw blood's out from his love's nose…and mouth. But his love, still smiled…and he hold him tight…told him something about the most important thing…
He had died that day. Zane let out a sigh and looked at the closed door beside the angel figure. He can see his love's gloom hold his hand tight and they pretend how they marriage could be. He had told his love…that he loves him…and he had accepted him as his love life. He saw his bluenette smiled at him and kissed his cheek. He also can see himself wrapped his arms around his love's waist and pressed his lips against him. He missed the bluenette so much. He missed the bluenette's smile…He missed his voice…He missed the taste of the bluenette's kiss…He missed his bluenette's touch…He missed his passion…Most of all, he missed his love. He missed the bluenette's care, he missed his concern…, and he knew he could never be with his love again; he just couldn't never…ever…
Zane closed his eyes once again and he stood up. He walked outside the grave and walked towards to the cemetery. After walked for a moment, he stopped in front of the most beautiful burial chamber that he had made for his love one. Zane kneel in front of it and swept the headstone. He stared for a moment before he touched the writing on the headstone. It was written used a beautiful writing style. Neatly, he read it again…
Here lies Tuesdale, Syrus
A friend and our beloved person
May your soul rest in peace forever
Zane smiled weakly and holding both his hand tight. Once again, he had lost. He let his tears falling again…and again. His love died because of brain's cancer.
"Syrus…I'm here now…"Zane didn't hoping for any answer. Because he knows he was alone…with no more love with him.
"I wanna tell you something…"Zane started to let out his cry. He doesn't want to hide anything when he was being 'with' his love.
"I hate you…you know…I hate you…"without his realization, the bluenette stood beside him and slowly, he kneels beside him.
"…I hate you…because you leave me…because you didn't being with me…I hate you…You know much…that I hate you so much, Syrus!" He cried. Syrus bowed his head and hugged the older tight…but the older can't see him.
"I hate you…I love you…I love you so much…until I hate you…"Zane closed his eyes and tried to smile again. The bluenette stared at him and slowly, he nodded.
"I know, Zane…I know…"