Inspired by the 'Things the SGC isn't Allowed to do Anymore' and, of course, our darling Skippy.

Don't get me wrong, I ain't homophobic, but slash should be left in the dark mind of whoever dreamed it up and not printed on page…ever, period.

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I hate Slash

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Doctor Daniel Jackson was entertaining - or rather, babysitting - a certain General who had arrived mere moments ago, until the rest of the IOA came to the base. The General was General Jonathan 'Jack' O'Neill, formerly of SG-1 and, now, in charge of Homeworld Security.

He was babysitting Jack because Jack was bored. And when Jack got bored, things happened. Normally, it was through no fault of his own, but rather because he stuck his nose in the wrong thing or interrupted the wrong person at the wrong time. Daniel still winced every time he went past the explosives testing section.

"Danny." The scientist looked up and blinked tiredly through his glasses; he was dressed in his normal BDU's, as today, the meeting didn't require his presence.

"Jack?"

"Whatcha doin'?" Daniel had been surfing the Internet, looking up his most recent addiction: an online phenomenon called Fan Fiction. The scientist sighed and explained what it was, and that he'd been keeping tabs on certain things, as well as writing a few bits and pieces himself, for Hank Landry and the SGC were always interested in what people perceived of the sciences of tomorrow.

Daniel smiled as he came to a Wormhole X-Treme fan site and started looking down the page. There were a few names he recognised, as all those who wrote fan-made stories had to go through him for approval.

He clicked on a name he recognised and paused when he saw the summary. Looking harmless enough, he started reading.

He got to about the third paragraph when he felt the sudden urge to clean himself. Even Jack, who was standing behind him, had stopped reading.

"'Colonel Danning grabbed hold of Dr Levant and shook him forcibly.'" Jack's eyes widened, "'He pushed him on the floor and straddled the helpless Doctor Levant who could feel…'"

Jack couldn't finish the sentence.

Daniel got up and walked slowly to the toilet; Jack was sure he could hear the scientist retching. When he came out, Daniel looked a little worse for wear.

"Well, that explains a lot of the weird looks I've been getting lately." Jack frowned, 'Oh, they were going to pay for this one, all right.'

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1 – Fan Fiction is now banned to all SGC Personnel

1A – Slash is now banned to all human beings, PERIOD.

2 - If Doctor Jackson finds ANYONE writing it, they will be serving in Alaska.