Spoilers: Season 4 – Beneath the Surface
Warnings : nothing really.
Summary: Sam is beginning to realise that the UCMJ isn't the be all and end all. She begins to realise that she might have something special with Jack.
I don't own anything associated with Stargate SG-1. Everything belongs to MGM and all the others!..
This story is not betaed so all errors are mine.
"Sir, please I'm busy."
"We need to talk."
"Damn it Sir, I DON'T want to talk."
"You're close to insubordination Major."
"That's the whole point isn't it Sir? Ranks and regulations. Please Jack just get out and leave me alone. I need some time…. please," she begged, then realising what she had called him, she clapped her hand over her mouth and apologised "Sorry, I mean Sir."
Seeing what this was doing to her, he acquiesced "Ok, but you know we still have to talk, don't you."
"I know Sir, now please just GET OUT," she commanded.
As he turned and left, his shoulders slightly hunched, his head hanging a little, she chastised herself for being so harsh with him. He was just as upset as she was, just as confused and angry, although he was far better at hiding it.
The time they spent beneath the surface as Jonah and Thera was like a dream. They had no recollection of who they were supposed to be or of any boundaries that were supposed to exist between them. But, they had been drawn to each other, as they were in every other situation when they were under alien control. Sam remembered the incident when they returned from the Land of Light and she was first infected with the Broca virus, how she had tried to seduce him in the locker room, how he had agreed that he wanted her, even then, but he wouldn't take her, when she wasn't herself. Memories of the Za'tarc test flooded her mind, his eagerness to pursue a relationship with her, still left her scared of the consequences. In every alternate reality they had come across, they were or had been together. It seemed they were fated to be together, regardless.
She had all her memories as her time as Thera; she had been able to give voice to everything she felt for him, even though she had previously admitted to stronger feelings than allowed during the Za'tarc testing and the conversations that followed.
Getting up off her seat, she closed the door to her lab and turned off the main lights, leaving only her desk lamp on. She found a dark corner and sunk down to the floor, allowing the tears to fall. God this was so unfair. Were they to be tormented knowing that they should be together, but were unable to do so? Allowing her head to fall to her knees, she let the sobs come and she cried.
As Jack left her lab, his head hung a little. He knew she was trying to deal with a difficult situation, they, or rather she, had decided to leave it in the room just mere months before, but the fact they were meant to be together kept being thrown back in their faces was making it harder for her to cope with. He could cope, barely, all his black ops training had taught him how to repress his feelings and emotions.
As he made his way to his much maligned office (yes Jack had an office, he just barely used it) thoughts of Jonah and Thera made their way into his mind. She had admitted again to him how she felt; he had been able to touch her. It was like a dream, the memories were there and he knew they were his, but they weren't his, it was his hands touching or holding her, but not his consciousness, or perhaps it was. Maybe it was their underlying attraction to each other that drew him to her and vice versa.
He entered his office and closed the door and as he sat heavily behind his desk, he allowed his head to fall and rest on the wooden top. He allowed himself to shed a single tear. It wouldn't do for Colonel Jack O'Neill to be caught with tear stained face. He had to be strong, strong for them both.
0230 hours the following morning:
As the constant ringing of his cell dragged him out of his sleep, he flipped it open and growled "O'Neill. This better be important."
"Carter? Whatchadoin? You do know what time it is".
"Yes Sir, but I'm ready to talk now."
Sitting up in bed, rubbing his stubbly face, he replied "I don't want to do this over the phone Sam, can you come over, or would you like me to come there."
"No it's Ok, I'll come to your house."
"Ok, how soon before you can be here?"
"Well actually, I've been sitting in my car across the road for ages wondering if I should come in."
Running to the front door, he threw it open, Jack continued to speak into the phone "get yourself in here now Major, that's an order".
Sam slowly got out of her car, shutting the door quietly. Slamming the door would have brought attention to her and that's not what she wanted. This needed to be a quiet and intimate discussion. Walking slowly towards him, she found herself under his piercing gaze. Unable to tear her eyes from his she walked up the path to his front porch, stopping at the bottom step. They stood there for a moment, gazing at each other, saying things with their eyes that neither had the courage to say aloud. He held out his hand and she took it and followed him inside, a little shocked when the door shut loudly behind them. His hand never left hers as he led her to the couch, turning to face her; he brought his hands to her shoulders and gently motioned for her to sit down. Following his instruction, she sat, unintentionally close to him, thighs touching. She felt the heat radiating from him. She watched as he raised his hand to her cheek. She couldn't help but lean into his touch, revelling in the feel of his rough skin against her soft cheek. Without thinking, she turned her face and placed a kiss on his palm, before taking his hand in hers.
"Jack, we need to talk."
"That's why you're here isn't it?"
"Well let's talk then."
"I don't know where to start."
"Ok then I'll start."
Sam couldn't help but be a little shocked at his volunteering to start a deep and meaningful conversation, but she held her tongue and let him speak.
"Sam, that first day I met you, I thought what a knockout, I couldn't believe someone could be so smart and beautiful at the same time and then as I got to know you I felt like I had been reborn, you gave me a reason to live. I knew that there couldn't be anything between us, but it was enough for me just to be close to you everyday. But after we came back from that ice planet, I'm sorry, I just can't shut if away anymore. I can't hold back the tide of emotion that I feel every time I'm with you. Mainly I'm scared that if I walk away again, I'm never going to feel the way I feel when I'm with you, and that scares the crap outta me Sam, I don't want to go through the rest of my life hiding the way I feel from everyone else, more importantly I don't want to continue hiding from myself. I'm in love with you Sam, I think I've been in love with you since that very first day."
"Jack, regardless of our decisions here tonight, there will have to be changes at the SGC."
"No. The only way things change at the mountain is if our relationship changes. We've worked well together up until this point. I think that our emotional connection includes Daniel and Teal'c and it has worked well for us. We've never let it interfere with the mission before."
"But you don't think our declarations will make a difference. Now that I KNOW how you feel and that you've admitted it out loud to yourself, you don't think it will affect your combat decisions."
"Sam, every time I sent you into a dangerous situation I just sucked it up because I knew that I had to. I admitted to myself long ago that I felt more for you than I should, but I never let it affect my command decisions."
"If we were to enter into a relationship, do you think you could still do that though?"
"Sam, we've been in a relationship for years" and tapping his head he said "up here".
"I guess you're right. I'm not saying let's just throw the UCMJ away right now, what I'm really trying to say is that I'm going to give this some serious consideration."
"So our one day is closer?"
Shifting a little closer to him to emphasis her point "Much closer"